Boyfriend doesn’t want me to see my guy friend that I’ve known for 25 years?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been together 8 months. Long distance. I haven’t hung out with this guy friend the whole time and even longer because well I don’t live there anymore and 2 I just haven’t felt like it.
Ran into him last week and he said he should catch up sometime. Mind you, we’ve never dated. I’ve never liked him. I’m pretty sure he’s into men (which is completely fine of course). He’s basically one of the girls with the way he talks and everything. He’s never had a girlfriend.
Well, when I talked to my boyfriend about it, he claims that I just want to be alone with other men. That he doesn’t care how long I’ve known them. And I’m trying to tell him that they should meet for his comfort. He refuses. He says that I can do what I want but he’ll decide what he does when that day comes. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m being controlled.

[Anonymous]

Well which is more important to you? I don’t see it as him trying to be controlling. Maybe he came out wrong in how he presented it to you, but these are his feelings. But correct me if I’m wrong women always say they want a man to to express their feelings, to talk about how they feel. But when they do they’re let w resistance. Gee, wonder why men don’t talk. Maybe you should talk to him, ask him why he feels this way. Maybe he went through something similar in a past relationship w a girl who said she had a “friend.” Men understand what other men’s intentions are, especially if the girl is cute. It’s not so much about not trusting you, it’s about him not trusting those male friend of yours. It amazes me how many women would say the opposite of what they’re saying now if things were reversed. To me you’re completely dismissive of his feelings. But I bet you it doesn’t work the other way around if he dismissed your feelings. At your age I don’t think k you have many suitors, so maybe try talking to him more. Try to understand what’s going on w him.

[NachoAverageUser]

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. Your boyfriend’s reaction suggests he may be feeling insecure or threatened, even if the concerns he’s expressing don’t align with your intentions or the nature of your friendship. Long-distance relationships can sometimes heighten insecurities because of the physical distance and limited time together, which makes communication and trust even more essential. It's understandable that you want to catch up with your friend and also ensure your boyfriend feels comfortable.

It’s a positive step that you’ve offered to introduce them—it shows you're sensitive to his feelings and want to keep things transparent. His refusal to meet your friend, though, might be more about his internal doubts than about your actual actions. If you’re sensing that his reaction feels controlling, trust that intuition. It’s important in a healthy relationship that each partner maintains their own friendships and individuality without feeling restricted.

One approach could be to have an open conversation about what makes him uncomfortable and see if there's any reassurance he needs, within reason. Express to him how you feel about his response, too—how you’re looking for support and trust from him in your friendships. Try to come from a place of understanding, but also stand firm in what you feel is fair and right for you. If he continues to resist or implies that he’d judge you harshly just for seeing your friend, that could be a sign that his boundaries around trust and control need some work.

[Anonymous]

You feel like you're being controlled because you are. A mature adult can handle you seeing a childhood friend who's probably gay. The controlling nature would probably be worse if he lived with you, it just can't manifest itself because he can't control you as much from afar. I'd take it as a sign of things to come in the future and see your friend and put the onus on your boyfriend to grow up and stop the petty insecurity or if he breaks up with you over it, you dodged a bullet because it'd be worse in person.

[kylee2437]

If you feel like this friendship is more important than how your boyfriend feels, then by all means take the consequences and go hang out with your guy friend. He already specified how he feels and not much can change how he feels.

[Asker]

But why should I give up who I am because he’s insecure? That’s not my issue.

[kylee2437]

You didn’t present that as who you were up until two weeks ago. You asked on his opinion and he answered honestly to who he is. And if you don’t like that, then it’s up to you. 7 months isn’t even a long enough relationship, so I get how you feel however you can’t expect his values to uplift just because some strangers online may or may not side with you.

[Asker]

Oh no, I told him from the very beginning that I had a guy friend.

[kylee2437]

But hanging out one on one didn’t come apparent until two weeks ago. I think regardless, you can feel however you would like, but if you decide to go against his values, he has a right to pull back and do whatever he wants. You two are already showing signs of being incompatible, it’s up to you on what you want to do with this info. Do you value your friend more to the point where you can forget about your boyfriend if he goes his separate way?

[Asker]

But the trust is there for me. He can already do whatever he wants. He doesn’t even need to tell me. I trust him. Isn’t it only fair that I receive the same kind of trust?

[kylee2437]

That’s your own problem that you lack boundaries. He stated a boundary of his, and if you don’t value his boundary, then the world is yours. You don’t have to stay with him.

[Asker]

It just seems very unfair that I have to completely cut people out of my life if I want to stay with him.

[kylee2437]

If it feels unfair then why stay with him? This is the point I’m trying to make here: regardless if others feel that it’s not fair, it’s still something that he will argue with you about until he can’t anymore and then eventually he will leave his own self. So if you don’t value how he feels, then why stay with somebody like that? Go find someone that accepts this friendship to the full extent of hanging out

[Asker]

Because I love him (I know it’s been a short amount of time). And there are things I don’t like about him but that I accept because he’s more than just one detail.

[kylee2437]

I understand but sometimes loving someone is letting go of them because your values are obviously clashing. He will never let you value this friendship the way you want to. It’s just how some if not many men are.

[AI Opinion]

Being long-distance makes things a bit more tangled, doesn't it? But let's untangle it! Your boyfriend's reaction might be a mix of insecurity and maybe even a sprinkle of jealousy. Communication is your best friend here. Express how you feel controlled and want mutual trust. Offering for them to meet was a fab move, and if he's not keen, it might be a red flag about future control issues. Relationships thrive on trust and understanding, not ultimatums. You deserve to have your friends and your partner's support. 😎 Love should be liberating, not limiting! Keep it real, girl! 💪❤️

[Stevepro68]

You need to really talk about why he is uncomfortable. And if he can't explain or won't explain why he feels this way. Then you have to ask yourself how important is he to you and your relationship with this friend. Controlling is a separate issue.
If he isolates you from family and female friends I'm addition to this guy. For whatever reasons he has them, then he is controlling and run away.

[slatyb]

Here's a better idea: go see your friend, and stop seeing your controlling boyfriend.

[jahaims]

How are you friends with someone for 25 years and not know their sexual preference. Also move on. If he doesn't trust you don't date him obviously.

[Masticophis80]

I wouldn't date someone who tried to tell me who I could have as friends.