I think my married male friend is hitting on me? What to do without being awkward?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend from childhood that I recently reconnected with on social media and he is married with a child. We speak regularly but I noticed that he often makes comments about how he'd marry me if he could and that I am so beautiful, etc. I assumed at first he is just being a friend but he is escalating and saying that he would buy me expensive gifts and come visit me ( I live far away now). I keep bringing up his wife but he just shrugs it off. Is he joking or testing the waters? I want to make sure it is clear that I have no interest in having some affair and just want to be friends. He made a comment like "woman I am going to marry you!" But he IS married!

[D_Bone_Steak]

More women need to learn to be direct and not lead men on for attention. Favorable attention from women is usually considered 'a start' and we either run from it or we want to explore it.

The problem with women, is they like attention so much that they'll accept attention even when it makes no other logical sense for that guy to be interested in anything other than fucking them. Now I'll read the words beyond your initial question...

Yeah... see how my logic applies in your case with this guy? You're giving him favorable attention and he views it as 'a start' and get it through your skull that it's 'a start' for something sexual to happen. Of course, he's making those comments to you, he wants to find out if something sexual is going to happen or come out of it.

Personally, I think his method of 'offering marriage/commitment' is really fucking lame, but we all have our own styles. I would bet money that's how he got his current wife. I think it's lame because now he's on the hook for alimony, child support, and possibly 50%+ of his shit and he's obviously not done with wanting to play the field... and then he's using the same method... offering marriage/commitment. Lame.

I'll put it like this... you know damn well if you asked if you can suck his dick because you need practice sucking dick, his pants would be around his ankles faster than fuck boy. You know this, and you're probably ignoring it and leading him on because you really like the attention. It's only going to escalate over time, so if you truly don't want his dick... you're just using him for attention. I bet you two probably don't even share a hobby... just chatting about relationship woes or some other bullshit he probably doesn't talk to his guy friends about at all. You two are basically flirting.

I dare you to tell him you need to practice sucking a dick. He might crack some jokes about it at first... but it won't take long until he offers you his dick to practice with.

[Asker]

Comments like this are insane - This was a childhood friend that I reconnected with after years over something to do with our MOTHERS. That is not leading anyone on. It is insane to imply that me speaking to a man at all that I met as a near baby means I am leading him on for attention. He is married with kids - I assumed it would never even go that direction energy wise until he turned it into that with his jokes and implications and trying to come visit me as I live far away. I did not lead anyone on - that would mean a woman just existing and speaking to a man is leading him on and he shouldn't be able to be led anywhere if he is married. He isn't a dog - he is a person.

[D_Bone_Steak]

You need to be direct... declare marriage or romance isn't going to happen ever, and he'll humanize you again as a person instead of making marriage remarks/jokes with you.

And I believe you that you probably started the conversations because you just needed someone to talk to because of childhood stuff with your mothers. But at a certain point, if you don't get direct, you're just accepting undue sexual attention from some dude.

I mean if it's bad enough that you're asking questions about it online... it's bad enough.

Also, you think married dudes don't cheat and are always just 100% happy with what they have ended up with... especially from guys that offer marriage as a pickup line? That line of thinking is insane.

[Asker]

Now I agree with you. Yes you are correct - I was so happy to just have this childhood friendship back and he turned into something else. I thought I was direct but it's not working and so I now agree on this point - I need to get it through his head, he can never have me. But I find that horrible to make me so uncomfortable - like I shouldn't be in that position. I already told him "you are not a dating prospect for me. You are married." And he still comes at me with flirting messages. And so I find that a bit ridiculous and also insulting as if he thinks that this is all I deserve - someone else's husband and to be some secret, rather than the very best - a man that would be available to marry me, etc. Also he's offered more than marriage - trust me, I just don't want to type it here.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yeah I figured, and caught the hints so you don't have to type it out. I know how dudes are. I just try to convince chicks online that most dudes are exactly like me and I know myself and what I'm thinking when I'm doing a certain thing. I've been him at one point or another doing the exact same thing... I'm just grown up and out of that. The dude's got pussy on the brain to be blunt about it as hell.

My baseline advice is he's not going to make a good "friend" and it's best to just distance yourself from it or at least long enough that he tosses the idea if you want/need to talk about anything serious like childhood trauma or whatever. ... I mean my best guess is he just pops throbbing erections and has that on the brain whenever you text him as of now. I mean think about it... I don't offer marriage to any of my platonic male friends just because we have good conversations or relate on certain subject matters. It's sort of sad, but it really is what it is.

[Asker]

Why would he be aroused from texting? He does try to make me send photos and I say no. I sent 1-2 but nothing sexual - and I felt uncomfortable because it felt like why does he need this - but weirdly I do send pics to friends sometimes and it feels fine but with him it feels like he wants them for something else. And he keeps calling me beautiful 4-5 times a day. And when I stop texting because I am busy he asks where I am. Yea... I think I may need to assess if I can be his friend. You are correct.

[Finchie40]

He’s apparently not happy in his marriage and he should divorce his wife if that’s the case , but sadly he is a selfish person that only cares about himself considering , he is already planning on cheating on his wife with you. Most cheating married partners’ should t be married to begin with , because they are selfish people that only care about themselves , they got married for all the wrong reasons , or things didn’t go as planned. A lot of married people cheat , because they are not being fulfilled in their marriages , I have slept with a handful of married women that lied to me and told me they were single when really she wasn’t , the sex was good but afterwards wasn’t , when I found out she was married and lying to me. Sadly some people get off on screwing married people or people that are already in a relationship with someone , because it’s a thrill to them to get that person to fall for them and have their way with them. Sadly it happens more than we like to think it does , why so many relationships fail and divorces are filed. The right thing for him to do is to end things with his wife first before pursuing you , but again he is a selfish person that wants his cake and wants to eat it to

[Asker]

If he is trying to pursue me then what is the point of him pretending he's not? I have asked him a few times now when he jokes about marrying me and he just says he's "not that guy to cheat" but then will follow it up with jokes later on about how we could have a baby as I told him I wanted to get married and have a child. If he wants to pursue me, wouldn't he need to be honest about that? How does pretending to be my friend get him anywhere? See my point? I can feel that he wants something else so that is why it's uncomfortable - I feel I need to keep reminding him.

[Finchie40]

Because he is married , if he wasn’t married, he would be pursuing you 100 percent , he is clearly attracted to you and likes you , so he is waiting for you to pursue him and waiting for you to tell him you want to be with him , before he makes any sudden moves before jeopardizing his marriage. Most people that aren’t that happy in their marriages will stay in their marriage until the other person they are pursuing , makes it official that they want to be with them , they string their spouse along until the other person makes it official that they want to be with them. So the married person will just stay in their marriage mainly for financial reasons and what’s already invested in that marriage , so he basically will not file for divorce until he knows you really want to be with him and you make it official you want to be with him , if not, he will not leave his wife because it’s cheaper to keep her , but he truly doesn’t love her , because if he did , he wouldn’t be flirting with you.

[Asker]

aaaah I get it and thats pathetic. I would want a man that takes the risk of being alone before he pursues me - not make me responsible for ending his marriage! It should have nothing to do with me. I get it and I think you are 100% correct. I also think he wants to see me so that he can test if he feels the same way in person as he hasn't seen me in person in many years. So he wants to see me to make sure he feels that way in person and then the rest of everything you said. But the thing is I believe I am worth someone being completely available before I do or say anything. I do not reassure married men I will take them in, before they divorce someone - then I am involved in the end of marriage and thats disgusting. It also shows a lack of character and it shows that he is selfish.

[Finchie40]

Exactly , you are best to cut all contact with him and move on , he is a coward and a POS person for doing this to you and behind his wife’s back , Cheating girls’ do this shit as well as, they try to land someone new before leaving their partner or their spouse because they are selfish insecure people that only care about themselves. They don’t have the dignity or respect to end things with their partner first before pursuing someone else

[Asker]

That is disgusting because then the other person is somewhat blamed for ending the marriage. And he didn't even hide it. He told me he wants to fly to see me and won't tell his wife he's coming. Any woman that would be Okay with that, in my opinion is a little bitch. He has an adorable little girl - why would you participate in that? If his parents want to break up, that happens but don't be a stranger who gets involved and allows the married people to blame and scapegoat you rather than be responsible for their own choices within their marriage.

[Finchie40]

Because some people are selfish and only think about what’s best for themselves without factoring in other peoples’ feelings , it sadly happens more than we like to think it does , Selfish people will never experience true love because they only love themselves

[Asker]

The guy literally is now suggesting he buy a vacation house and is offering me to live in it and he "joked" that he can be there sometimes and I can have his baby. I dont think he is kidding. I think he is testing if I would be open to being his second family even - like thats something I would accept. People are insane and I am sure many women would accept this.

[Finchie40]

Moron women would that have no dignity or respect for themselves

[Asker]

@finchie40 I have an update :o - my friend finally admitted that he likes me and he understands that he is married but likes me enough to try and explore leaving his wife for me? WTF? He is begging me to come visit me because I keep saying no I dont want to be a part of a marriage collapsing.

[starfoxxy64]

On all truth make sure you keep all screenshot & save whatever "your married friend " says to you and even if it seems like he will keep trying to manipulate his wife against him own doing. Since he Is completely unfaithful to his own wife yet how would you felt if this was happening to you behind your own back. Because if he talking to you saying all these wild things. Then he totally a serial cheater and blame him being the unfair for his wife which should have rights to know how she being play by her cheating husband.

[Asker]

that is why I haven't let him hang out in person - i hang out with married male friends but i am not a secret from their wife. If I am a secret then I feel its wrong because I wouldn't want my husband sneaking off with some woman if she's only a friend and esp if he makes jokes about wanting to marry her and have a baby etc.

[CindyRuns]

I'm in a male dominated field, Engineering, and have quite a few colleagues that I'm good friends with.

I've been in the same spot before. Best answer is to talk to the guy in a private place and tell him that he's making you feel uncomfortable.

Most of the time, that will be sufficient

[Asker]

thanks - I have tried it without saying im uncomfortable - I basically told him that its not logical as he's not an option to date because he is already married and his gesture of offering to travel to see me is romantic in this context - I said if I were his wife I wouldn't like it and him hiding our friendship from her confirms he knows its not ok to offer to travel to see me. He has essentially just continued to try and convince me that nothing will happen and he just wants to see me. And now I feel gaslight into thinking I am crazy for believing he is acting like its more than friends despite him joking about marrying me one day and having a baby with me.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic case of mixed signals with a sprinkle of potential red flags! 🌶️ Sounds like he might be testing the waters a bit too much. It's totally fine to create a firm boundary, darling! You could just light-heartedly yet firmly say something like, "Hey, I cherish our friendship and your wife is a lucky lady! 😉 Let's keep it friendly and fun." This lets him know your stance without making it awkward. Remember, it's all about setting boundaries while keeping it chill, lovely! 🌟

[ohsheeT]

Psssst. Buddy friend. Your married. It's not going to happen... Sorry but that's what friends do they protect each other that's what you say

[Asker]

yes - my problem is I kind of already said this and he keeps insisting that its just friends and he wants to just meet up and hang out and doesn't see the problem as friends.

[ohsheeT]

Yeah but what does his wife think of feel about it yes they're not only think of himself but he has to think of her too

[Asker]

He said he hasn't told his wife and every time I ask about her or mention her, he ignores me. That is why I don't believe its above bar and he won't acknowledge it. I have other married friends that are male and they don't need to hide me from their wife. He is also still trying to pester me to come visit even after I said it's not a good idea.

[ohsheeT]

Well of course he only wants you when he wants you and when you say no then he'll try anything well I'm single and I need to find a friend like you

[MisterWack]

If you feel uncomfortable I would advise to never talk to him ever again or sit him down and explain that his comments were uncalled for & tell him upfront if he doesn’t stop with them you two won’t keep in touch.

[Asker]

That is just it - I told him flat out, I dont want to be doing something "shady" like meet someone's husbands behind their back like that as he suggested traveling to see me. He keeps suggesting nothing will happen. I personally already know that as I am not attracted to him but I dont want him to think if he sees me, he has a shot as he made comments about marrying me and stuff. So its strange because he always says he he's kidding when I ask him but I dont feel like he is.

[MisterWack]

Yeah cut him off, just don’t entertain him and don’t let him feel he has a shot. Just move on and leave him in the dust, it is weird.

[Ms_KnowItAll]

I think he is testing the waters and that you should cut off communication with him.

[MasterKS]

@Ms_KnowItAll other way around too! LOL!

[Ms_KnowItAll]

For sure!

[Asker]

I am 100% not testing the waters. I am not even attracted to him. I am actually disappointed because I dont want to lose this friendship. Dont project what you would do.

[Anonymous]

He's reading the waters and either you're playing along too much or he's an idiot and isn't getting the hint. If it's the former, just stop playing along. If it's the latter, you have to decide between aggressively calling him out or just cutting him off.

[Opinion Owner]

Testing* not reading. Dumbest autocorrect ever

[Asker]

I told him I don't want him visiting or anything because if I were his wife I would not like that at all and he's still pushing and saying he just wants to visit the city. And that he will get his own hotel etc

[Flower7]

This is not a joke. And you’ll never be able to be just platonic friends with him since he is attracted to you. He does not see you as a friend.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Have you considered just blocking him? Or threatening to tell his wife?

I mean, he's made pretty clear that he wants to put his dick in you.

I'm not saying that this is definitely true, but it kinda seems like you might be enjoying the attention. Just a thought.

[mobiusforniner]

If he was making you feel uncomfortable, you’d stop. But you’re not.

having been the married guy in this situation, i wouldn’t make such comments if i felt her emotions weren’t reciprocated

[noohair]

There are guys that do not honor marriage vows. He might be one of them. What should you do? Well if you do not share his values, what should you do? Consider yourself lucky that you did not marry him…

[Asker]

I dont know if he's actually trying to do that or if I am being paranoid? I kind of asked and always mention his wife but he said no no

[noohair]

Well, if you continue with contact you will eventually find out.

[Anonymous]

You need to shut that shit down, forget about being nice. You don’t talk to him, and you block him if you need to. And if he doesn’t take the hint you reach out to his wife.

[WhitneySnow]

He’s testing the waters. You need to be blunt with him.

[Danny_dan92]

Tel him if he keeps hitting on you, you’re going to tell his wife.




Watch how quickly he will change

[Staximus]

He will be saying that to the next girl if you married him, tell him to stop being a shit bag and to take a hike

[Alex-Snow]

Maybe it is time to distance yourself from him for a while. But do you have sexual feelings for him?

[jahaims]

It already is an affair. It is obviously beyond friendship. Tell his wife

[Pterodon]

He’s very serious and is having an emotional affair with you right now

[Raaj4you]

Tell him to stop it, it might ruin your happy married life. Later, you should not blame me.

[Chloe1225]

I distance myself. Unless you wanna be famous. And can cost you. Depending on where you live.

[Radiate143]

Who cares if it's awkward? It's only awks because you're low key interested

[Asker]

WRONG - stop projecting loser. I am not in the slightest bit interested and have mentioned his wife every time he suggested coming to visit. It is awkward for me because I am a normal person that doesn't want to make an assumption when he hasn't come right out and said what his intentions are even after I said I would never disrespect his wife and therefore dont want him visiting. There is no point in commenting on questions like a f*ing loser like this - there are people on here genuinely looking for help from nice people as you aren't one of them of F yourself.

[Radiate143]

😂 🤣

[AmeerX]

Just poison him. How dare he talk to you?

[Asker]

talking to me is fine. offering to visit me and joking he will marry me is different

[the29thhuman]

The problem isn’t him.

[MasterKS]

Be straight forward!

[Asker]

He hasn't tried anything - just the jokes I mentioned. I always reply "you ARE married" or "your wife would murder me" something like that.

[MasterKS]

@asker be like that till you are comfortable.

[Sabretooth]

You need to tell her.

[CarolinaGirl5]

He's nor hitting on u he feels sorry for u

[Asker]

you are wrong but its funny how women are such losers that they geel the need to comment like this lol I know the difference and there's no need to feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for you - sending your time trolling a stranger online like this - your a pathetic loser - get help

[Asker]

You're

[Asker]

I dont want to marry him wtf LMAO - You are a f*ing idiot. Oh my god, I you may be special education needs - You didn't read properly but I dont think you can read. I am not interested - that is my point. Going to block you now as I dont communicate with low IQ individuals like this jeeesh the world always surprises me when I interact with someone this dumb.