My co-worker and (friend) keeps hitting on me.....but he's married! How should I handle this?

[Angel_Raven]

He's really a great guy...inside and out. I have never met his wife either, but the line from innocent flirting has been crossed. I do not know how to handle this, I do not want to loose the friendship..but at the same time I am not a home wrecker. I have mentioned that I am not the "home-wrecker" type...and he wants out of his marriage. I don't want to get caught in the middle...but I don't want to quit my job either. Help? Advice? Opinions?

[candlewax]

If you're good enough friends, you can verbally slap him over it and be done with it. I've had a few married coworkers try that suggestive crap. One, I just shot down. "Sorry, I don't do old, married men," or I tell him to shut up. He and I are cool though so if he ever goes too far, I just get mean and he backs off.

Another had made some comments, and I just told him I don't do the married guy thing. I also have a way of shooting him down while embarrassing him. It sounds harsh, but I work in a restaurant and we all have a weird dynamic like that. But these two were probably the only ones that went a little too far in sh*t talking and I just got down right rude with them about it. If you get rude and embarrass them, they back off. If you're too nice about it, they'll keep trying.

You don't have to be mean, very assertive and that you mean business. If he won't stay "friends" after that, he's not that great of a guy. I doubt he really is if he's willing to cheat on his wife. I'm not buying the whole "BOO HOO MY MARRIAGE SUCKS" while they try to pursue a girl outside of the marriage. That's such a classic cheater move.

You also shouldn't have encouraged ANY type of flirting. THAT bit is on you. What impression do you think you gave off when you were "innocently" flirting? Here's this 18 year old honey flirting around with a married man. I'm not surprised he's trying to hit on you. He could boost his ego and bang an 18 year old outside of the marriage. This is why he's trying to go after you now.

Maybe "innocently" flirt with a single guy next time?

[candlewax]

*just very assertive

[tangiblestar]

this happened to me at work too not long ago. it was hard because like your situation, I liked the guy genuinely as a person and I did find him attractive. but as you know there's a clear line not to be crossed. it would be best to cease contact- he's married after all, happily or not. think of it like this: if he's going to do this with you, then what's to stop him from doing it TO you with someone else?

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Sorry but yall are not friends anyway so don't be afraid to set boundaries. all he's doing is trying to set you up to be his mistress. you guys are not really friends. just distance yourself from him and don't enter any flirtatious conversations and go on about your work day. again, I just want to remind you that he is not your friend so don't worry about losing the friendship.

[tangiblestar]

I couldn't agree more with what you said, it was what I was trying to say lol but you said it way better.

[hegemon]

it's obvious that his "greatness" is deceitful in order to get in your pants. lol... explicitly tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, and that if it continues ull have no choice but to tell the boss and his wife. also, stress that what you want to just be friends and only friends. and, if he can't handle that then he has no respect for u, just like he has no respect for his wife... good luck

[shumailkazimi]

as you said your not a home wrecker type just dnt opt for this one and if he have kids then its a no no...he is married and he is trying to go off track ...u shld just ignore him since he has shown that he is not loyal to sum1 then what is the guarantee that he will be loyal to you in future

[crazybastard]

nothing you can do to change a very horny guy's mind