I think I might be falling for my husband's friend. I don't want to. How should I deal with this?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my husband since I was still a teenager and I love him but I've been thinking a lot about his friend in a romantic way and I don't want to. His friend has had a huge crush on me for quite a while now and everyone knows it, even my husband, and apparently I was the last one to figure it out. My husband and I have our problems but we've never been unfaithful to one another. His friend and I have a lot in common and he's a genuinely nice person but I don't want these feelings I have for him. I want everything to go back to the way it was before I started to feel this way. I can't bring myself to tell anyone about it because it's all wrapped up in guilt and I know my husband will freak out and get angry if I ever let him know. He can be a violent man at times and I don't want him to ever be that way towards me. I want these feelings to go away! What can I do to forget about my husband's friend and go on with my life?

[Kylah8913]

Question? Be honest, were you having such feelings about this guy before OR after you were told he fancied you? If you started feeling this way after you were told then it is not actually attraction and want to be with him. It is that you are flattered that someone else likes you. Now, if you had such feelings before being told then you may have a bigger problem. This may hurt, but if you're having these feeling then you truly do not love your husband like you claim. I think you like the idea of still loving him. Regardless, you need to talk to your husband and be completely honest with him about this situation. Relationships need honesty, trust, and for one another to be able to talk to work through things wether bad or good. Also, you need to steer clear away from the husbands friend. And if he was a true friend, he'd back off and find himself a SINGLE woman. Please, just sit down and have a mature, honest talk with your husband. And honestly think, is this worth jeopardizing a relationship that the two of you worked so hard to build? Also, ask yourself this. What if he did this to you? Don't do what you wouldn't want others to do to you.

[Asker]

Yeah, talking about it with him is NOT an option. I'm not afraid of him leaving me or anything, he never would, but I am afraid of how he'll react. He's got a really bad temper and he can be extremely jealous at times. He's a big man and I've seen what he does when he loses his temper. I do not want that shit directed at me EVER.
And if I'm going to continue to be brutally honest, I have been having these feelings in very small amounts before I knew for sure that his friend likes me. Since the realization, however, it has only gotten worse. I don't want to feel this way.
I do still love my husband and I don't think I'm kidding myself about that. He's not just some big scary dude, that's only a small part of him. He's pretty much all I've got in this world and I can't imagine my life without him. He's my best friend and the only man I've ever really loved. I don't know why I'm having these stupid thoughts about some guy that shouldn't mean a thing to me.

[FashionQueen86]

Your love for your husband and your respect for him should do the trick. Think about the scenario coming to play where you do act on your feelings. It would possibly humiliate him or make him feel less of a man to think he couldn't satisfy you in every way that you needed. When you marry your spouse, you should FEAR hurting him. Or, what about the scenario of living without your husband? Can you really guarantee that you'd have a romantic life with this other guy? Because all you really know about him is the fantasy you're creating in your head. You don't know what he's like behind closed doors or even what type of guy he'd be to a lady. But you do know your husband, and you have a good thing in front of you already.

If you must, cut off being around him, or make your conversations with him short. Or see about reviving that spark with your husband by setting aside some time together. Go out on dates, treat yourselves to expensive dinners, or a night alone at an expensive hotel. Remind yourself of why you fell in love with him.

[SongBird3]

Easy, just do nothing. The feeling are probably just attraction, and since you and your husband are having problems it makes him appear more eligible. As long as YOU know that you love your husband and want to be with him, your fine. Your not doing anything wrong. If he tries to make moves on you than be firm and say "I do not like you, and this is inappropriate. I love my husband, so if you could please back off, I would appreciate it"
comment if you have any other concerns

[bente2]

If you started liking him after someone told you he liked you, it's not you actually liking him. It's you feeling flattered.

I'd talk to your husband about this and keep contact at a minimal, try and view him objectively. For example, when I start liking someone I'll say they're amazing but when I stop I'll realise they might be arrogant or mean etc.

[Cashew72]

Yuck, stay away from him and stop thinking about him altogether. Do NOT act on these feelings, especially with your husbands' friend. That is one of the VERY WORST things anyone can possibly do to a man, if not the worst. That road does not lead to anywhere pleasant, I can promise you that.

I suggest you put your focus back on your husband and work on that relationship. Whether that means having an open talk, seeking counseling or just working together to "spice things up" and rekindle your romance, you need to focus on your marriage.

[MrOracle]

You need to maintain a separation between the two of you (you and your husband's friend). Let your husband know that his crush on you makes you uncomfortable, and while you don't need him to "unfriend" the guy, you'd like him to spend time with his friend away from you as much as possible.

And YOU need to avoid contact with him of any kind to the extent possible.

[Asker]

I have been avoiding him for a while now. I try to have as little contact with him as possible. I'm hoping that by ignoring him this will all go away. And my husband knows that his friend's crush makes me uncomfortable, I've told him so, but he just thinks it's funny. He teases me about it a lot.

[ElissaDido]

Stop seeing the friend and cut him off completely. Try your best not to get exposed to him.

[Prof_Don]

Crushes happen all the time... the key is to not act on them.

in my opinion you saying your husband can be violent at times, is probably why you're falling out of love with him (as you should).

You should leave this marriage if you don't feel physically safe around him.

[Asker]

He's never been physically violent to me but he sometimes has a horrible temper. He yells a lot and he's punched holes in the walls when I made him mad but he hasn't hit me or anything. He's a really big guy though and to be honest I am afraid of him at times. I'm afraid of what he'd do if I did try to leave him. I mentioned it once when times were bad and that was when he got really scary. I don't want to go into detail but I never want to go through that again.
I sound like an idiot and a freaking cliché but he's usually not a bad guy. As long as I don't piss him off things go well for the most part.

[Prof_Don]

That's not normal. You should never be AFRAID of your man in terms of your physical safety. Has he sought help for his anger issues?

[Asker]

No, he hasn't. He won't. He thinks therapy or anything of the sort is a joke or 'for the weak-minded'.

[Prof_Don]

U need to leave this marriage before he physically hurts you!

[SaltAndLime]

I'd suggest keeping your distance from this guy. He could possibly feel sympathy more than romantically for you if your husband is violent. However, he's not a very good friend to openly be crushing on his friends wife.

[Decentguy]

your marriage is already over if your thinking about his friend in a romantic way

[Asker]

This saddens me greatly and I hope it's not true. I love my husband and I don't love his friend. I don't want to think about him this way.

[Decentguy]

well if you realize this, then its alright, it explains that you still love your husband

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband that you aren't comfortable with him being friends with someone that wants you. Tell him that it really bothers you every time that guy is around and you want him to not let that guy come around anymore.
If he doesn't agree and still brings the guy around, it's not your fault anymore. You should start sleeping with his friend.

[Asker]

I would never sleep with his friend. That's just gross. I'd never cheat on my husband no matter what.

[Opinion Owner]

Well at least tell him you don't want the guy around because of how that guy feels about you. I don't understand how your husband allows him around and isn't mad that his friend would even say something about it.

[Asker]

I don't understand either. It's like he thinks it's funny but if some other guy hit on me he'd lose his freaking mind. If some guy looks at me too long in the grocery store he gets all puffed up and hostile but when his friend is obviously having inappropriate feelings about me, he laughs it off like it's no big deal. I do know that he's called him a 'weak little bitch' though so maybe that has something to do with it. Like he's not really a threat or whatever.

[Opinion Owner]

Even if he isn't a threat, it shows that his friend isn't loyal and if he had the chance he would do something like that.

[tsm00th86]

oh, no stop it. ok what needs to happen is you can't be around this guy. your husbands friend ain't worth it. you need to go talk to pastor of something.

[Anonymous]

It's all normal. We humans are not monogamous by nature no matter what society and religion tell us.
If you want to forget this guy, just cut all contact and before you know it, you'll be done with him.
If you want something to happen between the two of you, you should know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Is he more physically attractive than your husband? And just keep thinking about all the wonderful times you've had with your husband

[Asker]

To be honest, yes, he is more attractive than my husband in the looks department by society's standards. But my husband is more attractive to me because I love him and we've shared so much and been through so much together. The bond we have is priceless and I would never throw that away for someone who is more physically attractive.

[Rissyanne]

I would stay away from him as much as possible. If you want to save your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Keep a distance. Tell your husband and the friend that him having a crush. makes you uncomfortable and youd rather stay away until it passes.

[Opinion Owner]

Also if you truly love your husband. Do the right thing and tell him the truth about why. Also make sure you tell him what you said here, about you nkt wanting/hating feeling that attraction.
It might sting his ego, but it will really reinforce his trust.

[CheerGirl38139]

https://youtu.be/Pi7gwX7rjOw

[oximeter]

are you the same chick who talked about swapping partners for christmas?

this marriage is doomed for failure if it is.

[Asker]

What? No. I haven't been on this site in like almost a year. Swapping partners is fucking gross in my opinion.

[oximeter]

Same lol

[jacquesvol]

Let dreams stay dreams. Don't act on it.

[Asker]

I never would. That's beyond sick and messed up.

[Theodorable]

Girl. You need to seek therapy.

[akadatank44]

Stay away

[bcromartie]

Fuck him right in the pussy!

[August00]

Ask for a hall pass and see what will happen.

[BeautifulPromisesx]

Jerry
Jerry
Jerry

[akadatank44]

I don't see how Jerry Seinfeld could help in this situation 😜

[BeautifulPromisesx]

@akadatank44 lmao oh my God are you following me :P

[akadatank44]

Lmao yes I am I think I followed you the other day 😛

[BeautifulPromisesx]

@akadatank44 help this woman out instead of focusing on Jerry :P

[akadatank44]

I already left an opinion 😝

[BeautifulPromisesx]

@akadatank44 LOL u put more effort here than helping her out 🙁

[akadatank44]

Same goes to you 😜

[BeautifulPromisesx]

@akadatank44 no I don't know what you're talking about I'm very helpful 🙃😌

[akadatank44]

Helpful? Where? In your dreams?😜

[BeautifulPromisesx]

@akadatank44 rude 🙁😒

[akadatank44]

Accurate 😊😇

[Anonymous]

why should you ask people such a question?