Why does my boyfriend spend more time talking to his friends than me?

[debby]

Even when we meet, he always calls his friends or talks to them on the phone. I can't understand if I'm his girlfriend or they.

[ohsheeT]

There's a question on here from sage
There's a video of Denzel Washington about what happens when she stops calling you ought to watch that because it is so very true because you need to stand up for yourself and you need to be respected I mean there's a time and a place for everything and in those moments that he's with you he should be with you just out of respect and love and kindness and he should know that but watch that video because it will make you think about a lot of things and what you're looking for in a relationship and maybe what you can do to help him change

[Finchie40]

Because something is missing in your relationship , whether it’s you or him or the both of you. Have a sit down talk with him and expressed your feelings of concern , and be honest with him about how you feel , if he gets angry and upset at you , tell home to start dating his friends’ and you are moving on with your life , if he apologizes and loves you , he will make some changes

[Anonymous]

If you two aren't doing anything or having a conversation and he calls his friends, this is normal. If you want him to talk to you more, just engage in conversation or activities together. You don't want to isolate him from other people though. This can lead to a pattern of abuse that won't work out well for either of you.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic friend-versus-girlfriend dilemma! 🎭 My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to provide insight into these puzzling relationship moments. Your boyfriend might just need some help balancing time. It could be that he's simply used to hanging with his pals or lacks awareness of how it affects you. A gentle chat might help him understand your need for quality time and connection. And remember, communication can turn those relationship red flags into rainbows! 🌈 Good luck!

[AnnRoss79]

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[drummer]

Okay, here’s the hard truth: Sometimes guys find it easier to just relax and talk with their friends. It’s not about the deep emotional stuff, it’s about jokes, games, or random nonsense that doesn’t require much effort. If he’s not making time for you, it could be because he feels like he doesn’t need it anymore, or worse, he’s taking the relationship for granted. If he’s constantly choosing them over you, you might want to ask yourself this question: Is he really invested in this relationship? You deserve someone who wants to talk to you, not someone who sees you as an “extra effort.” If he’s not willing to balance his time, maybe it’s time to rethink things.

[celticman]

It might just be that he feels comfortable around his friends and doesn’t realize how it’s affecting you. Sometimes, guys zone out and don't see the need to balance time between their partner and friends. If it's bothering you, it’s best to bring it up calmly. He might not even know it’s a problem.

[debby]

Sometimes they may not really realize it. I will talk to them calmly and share my feelings.

[babet]

To be honest, guys bond with their friends differently, usually over hobbies, jokes, or things we might not find very interesting. It doesn't mean he's any less interested in you. If he's bothering you, tell him! Something as simple as, "I'd like to spend more time together, can we make that happen?" If he likes you, he'll know and make an effort. If he doesn't... that's a big deal too.

[debby]

I will talk to him openly and share my feelings. If he really wants to find a balance, we can do it together.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Have you ever examined how interesting you are beyond just having all the female physical parts or is that too much reflection?

Most women are annoying, not funny, they might be smart but not in the good way, no hobbies, no real interests, and not very interesting unless they're showing some skin. Ask yourself if you're possibly in that category of most women.

[SixFootSexy]

Accurate. Most women do very little introspection or self-improvement, which means their conversational topics are typically asinine or basic.

If you find yourself in a lot of conversations about the weather, there could be a reason for that. Pay attention to the feedback you receive from the world and adjust accordingly. Or be happy with the results you're currently getting.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@SixFootSexy Yes! Indeed. Too many women consider makeup or clothes as the only form of self-improvement. They're really zoned in on the male's visual attraction to them, and then wonder why that effect (the attention they initially got) wears off over time.

Like it doesn't strike their brain that a night of lousy shit tests, carrying a constant one-sided conversation, or having to listen to stupid problems for just one night can eclipse that initial physical attraction that the fakeup, pushup bras, skimpy clothes, and cumbrella eyelashes initially got.

[zotazm]

i think it’s detrimental to put a stereotype on a category of people, regardless of whether or not it’s true. i’m a female. i’ve been with my boyfriend for years. i play more video games than he does, he has more products for his hair and skin than i do, and we share almost all of the same interests. regardless, i still put effort into how i look because i want to be able to express myself the way i want to with the only life i was given. many woman don’t wear makeup and dress up for the male gaze. i think the user who posted for help just needs more communication skills. it’s not hard to ask your boyfriend first why he talks to his friends more than asking a bunch of strangers on the internet. people also just have lives outside of their partners. having a relationship that isolates you from connections with friends and connections with hobbies feels like you’re being trapped and not like you’re in love.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@zotazm TBH, I was just answering from a place of 'been there and done that.' I've been with the chick that looks really good to the eye, all my friends lust after her and think she's super hawt... but dealing with her and her dull, mundane dimwitted brain made me hate it.

Basically the public reaction of "You're chick is soooo fucking hawt" quickly gets replaced with "Bro, put your chick on a leash because she's stupid as fuck." It gets embarrassing and for a guy like me that has deeper friendships instead of shallow surface level ones... it's even worse because they start asking why I'm even with her.

"I mean bro, she's hawt... but uh, she literally has no hobbies."

I'll put it like this... you said you play video games... you already do more than she did. You're already hawter personality wise. She doesn't work, she doesn't do anything, she doesn't read anything... nothing. I get a 30 day vacation and it becomes a chore to be off work because she expects me to entertain her. Fucking A, if she just played video games or did anything on her own right?

Yeah so don't take my personal take on some of the chicks I've dealt with like I'm talking about you. And lets have a moment of honesty here about your gender... most of you don't even do as much as video games. Most of the chicks are like my chicks that don't do anything more than put eyeliner on and bask in life until they hit the wall. Most chicks are not you, so just don't take it personal when we talk about how chicks generally are. At the worst... recognize we're generalizing a reality of what your gender usually is and it's got nothing to do with you.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@zotazm I'm sorry, but I get sick of people trying to attack general generalizations by using a single example of "I'm not like that" or "I know a girl that's not like that" and it is supposed to make the general rule of thumb untrue because of some single odd one out example.

No... fact is most chicks are EXACTLY LIKE THAT and that doesn't change just because you're different or know someone who's different. It's not going to change what 9 times out of 10 we are definitely going to run into. Don't even try to defend them... I mean maybe you hate that it gets generalized to your gender which includes you... but it's not you. It's all those bitches that are not you making it a thing every single day. You feel me?

[zotazm]

I understand where you’re coming from. living a lifetime where you’ve been surrounded by women who disappoint you or fit your description of them makes it hard to view them differently. i’ve had my own issues with the opposite gender. women are brought up in society to be desired by said men. but it’s up to us to break those norms. in no way did i write my response to offend you or invalidate your opinion, but i wanted to see where you were really coming from to make you have that stereotype. life is hard, but it’s up to us as people to be our own versions of ourselves and to not pay mind to those that we disagree with or don’t like, because they’re living their life just as we are.

my word of advice for you, when you seek a connection with a woman, befriend her first. from what i’ve seen with this post, i don’t believe you’ve had the best luck in finding a woman who fits you. correct me if i’m wrong. i believe the best relationships come from those that start from friendships. that way you know you already have things in common with her, you’re not only attracted to her in a physical way, and you can enjoy not only a physical relationship with her but an emotional one as well. i truly believe that’s the advice everyone needs. the girl who posted this question asking for advice wouldn’t have this problem if she followed that mindset, as mostly every other person on this website would.

[zotazm]

also, if people in public speak to you about your partner in vulgar ways, that says a lot about their character. never would i surround myself with people who think it’s appropriate to lust or speak negatively of my boyfriend. it’s disrespectful to you as your partner is a representation of the people you let into your life. higher your standards. don’t let yourself be with people you don’t think are worthy of your time.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@zotazm You got a lot of good points.

A lot of it is we're just living in a bad time where our female side is being highly influenced. Terminally online or addicted to social media is actually a red flag us guys are warned about when it comes to women. Like have you heard of things like "Instagram face?" Why is something like Instagram face even a thing? I never ran into that stuff when I lived in Japan. Behavioral differences like the typical loud, aggressive, argumentative stuff... they sound like they're yelling at me when they talk.

To break down what I'm trying to say... is it sucks when the bulk of the options out there have Instagram face and they're glued to their phone with their mood basically being dominated by the amount of likes they get, and then when you try to have a conversation with her... everything is a battle instead of a conversation.

[SixFootSexy]

@d_bone_steak
You're not talking to "her" you're talking to a psychological operation + decades of programming (Western cultural and educational) + a social media echo chamber of friends who agree with all the ideology she does = Her

[D_Bone_Steak]

@SixFootSexy I know... classic "I'm not like the other girls" complex. I'll give the benefit of the doubt just for the sake of argument. But you're right... I'm probably talking to someone who's hard-programmed to bring any non-gay male down and all for feminist or similar ideologies over reality.

Meanwhile, we still have fat chicks that can't hold a conversation demanding 6-pack abs, huge dicks, and $5M/year that is spent on her for like... literally no reason other than having a vagina. She can point out odd one out examples, but it's not going to change all those fat chicks... or the basic reality of dealing with modern Western women.

I like that mathematical breakdown by the way. Aristotle in a time where logic, argument, and math was still just one subject... that shit made the likes of Alexander the Great. ... You see why I started taking jabs at social media though... I know you do. You gotta recognize I saw that weakness and nothing will be said on it. Probably painting that Instagram face on as we speak. The war paint.

[zotazm]

I don’t seek to bring non-gay males down. I actually have my own strong opinions on the privileges gay men have that allow them to say things about women that society lets slide just because of their sexuality. whereas if a straight man were to say those things it’s seen in a negative way.

as for “fat” chicks, they chose that life. letting yourself be fat, letting yourself feel negatively all the time, letting yourself go and not at least trying to put effort into yourself and your looks, that’s what makes someone weak-minded.

think of the government and the advertisements you see on your phone. all these influences that make woman want to seek things that only pertain to beauty and looks. humans are consumers. we buy useless products and consume new things for “trends”. social media and all other disputes distract us from the real problems in this world.

[zotazm]

this is the time we were born in. it’s up to you whether or not to let personal vendettas control your guidance. or be a sheep in the crowd following a certain group of opinions. believe in your own beliefs. if what you’re saying is what you truly believe to be true, then good. who am i to say that you’re wrong

[eclipse]

He probably feels more comfortable with friends, no pressure, just banter and shared interests. It doesn't mean he cares less about you, but if it bothers you, talk to him. Let him know you want to spend more quality time together. If he likes you, he'll find the balance.

[debby]

Thank you, you are really right. It is best to solve this through communication.

[benefiel]

Maybe he feels more comfortable around friends because there's less pressure to say the "right" thing. But if it bothers you, just talk to him. Let her know you miss the connection, it's not about competition, it's about finding balance in your relationship.

[Nikki1989]

You are not a priority in his life.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because his friends actually respect him, are nice to him, trust him, and are more gratifying to be around.

[Anonymous]

Give him some peace for a change. Everybody needs a break from their partners. You need to work on your separation anxieties

[saraupstairs]

God spoke to you, but you didn't listen.

[PeachyPie93]

He isn't actually into you.

[WhitneySnow]

He takes you for granted

[jahaims]

They are more interesting

[paledreams]

He's a typical male.

[In_Trance]

Ask him why