Do you think you should surrender some of your digital privacy to your romantic partner?

[OlderAndWiser]

I have my phone password protected but face recognition eliminates the inconvenience created by the added security. I have it protected because some of my clients communicate with me via text and I am obligated to protect their confidential communications. However, if my wife suspected me of any inappropriate communications with someone, I would gladly unlock the phone and allow her to look at anything on the phone (except confidential client communications, as required by my professional rules of ethics.) If she has any suspicions, I know they are unfounded because I am 100% faithful and loyal, and I avoid even the appearance of doing anything inappropriate. And, if she has suspicions, I want to show her that I have nothing to hide and resolve her doubts immediately. If I had doubts about her, I would hope that she would do the same for me. And I would allow her to look at my laptop, also (with the same restriction.)

Are you willing to compromise your digital privacy in a relationship? If not, why not? And how do you respond to the statement, "If you have nothing to hide, then you would let me look at your phone?"

My phone is not password protected but my SO is NOT allowed to look at my phone.

My phone is not password protected but my SO is allowed to look at my phone.

My phone is password protected, my SO knows the password, but is NOT allowed to look at my phone.

My phone is password protected, my SO knows the password, and he/she is allowed to look at my phone.

My phone is password protected, my SO does NOT know the password, and I will NOT unlock it and allow him or her to look at my phone if they ask.

My phone is password protected, my SO does NOT know the password, but I will unlock it and allow him or her to look at my phone if they ask.

Something else I will explain in a comment.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

My first thought is that my (theoretical) spouse/partner and I are both adults, not children. It is neither my right nor my responsibility to monitor their phone use and vice versa. But, I have an ethical responsibility to reassure my spouse if the need arises, and I would hope they would extend the same courtesy to me.

However, there are a lot of legal issues with a spouse having access to a dedicated work phone (medical, attorney, etc.). If they are being unfaithful and using their work phone to do it, that's a deeper issue and the fallout will come eventually. I cannot control a man who is bent on being unfaithful to me.

So, to answer the question, I am willing to show them my phone and allow them to dig into my terrifying secret life (my G@G account, for example). But if they are permitted access to mine with permission, they must be prepared to respond in kind.

But the bottom line is, if I can trust my friends without looking at their phones, I would hope I could trust someone I've bet my life on without looking through his.

[Tomisworthless]

What does faith have to do with relational commitment?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Tomisworthless No idea what you mean; could you clarify?

[OlderAndWiser]

@Tomisworthless A partner can never prove, beyond doubt, that they deserve to be trusted. In part, trust is earned over time and with experience, but it still requires having faith that your partner actually is the morally upright person that you believe them to be.

[Tomisworthless]

I was just being foolish, my point was that people can put faith in others but cannot fathom the existence of God.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Tomisworthless You are talking about someone else, not me.

[Tomisworthless]

Im talking about why I made my comment.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Tomisworthless And I am saying that I do have faith in my wife, but I contemplate God every day.

[Tomisworthless]

Ok well then I was speaking with you.

[Crimsyjo]

In a relationship I've always been open and transparent to prove my innocent or trustworthiness. Unfortunately my partners have never been as transparent back. I've asked a similar question here before and concluded maybe I've always been too open with my phone and I do have a right to privacy. And maybe in my next relationship I'll only show mine if they willing to show theirs.

[hahahmm]

It's a chicken or egg type question to me...

1. You have the right to privacy.

2. If you are trustworthy AND they are then you won't mind them looking. This is not just about whether you are up to something but how they react to harmless stuff too. If they are paranoid and think your co-worker even saying 'hello' is something to get dramatic over it's going to make you not want to share stuff.

3. You can't build trust by hiding everything. Some things will make the other person think you're not loyal even if you are. In the early stages (especially) people figure out if the other person is worth taking seriously or not. Focusing on "my rights" is not going to help you here. Maybe that's why so many out there can never keep a man/woman but know all about their rights. In a real relationship you give up some rights for the sake of the relationship. Otherwise just stay single. And no, I'm not saying you have to give up anything on day 1. It's a process. and it should be mutual.

[OlderAndWiser]

Having the right to do something doesn't mean it's he right thing to do.

[hahahmm]

@OlderAndWiser Yeah but that goes both ways. You end up with the more important thing being trust. And you would be a fool to trust anyone on earth 100%, it's just that the more you know them the more you can trust. And a trustworthy person won't abuse your trust.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Yes and no.

She knows how to unlock my phone and I know how to unlock hers. If she asked me to check my phone I would allow her - she never asked in all those years though.

She trusts me 100% like I trust her 100%, but I think it's human go have doubts occasionally and it's my duty to assuage them as quickly as possible. Once she asked if me she "needed to worry" about a business associate I had - in her opinion, she seemed waaaay too much interested in me. So I offered her to check out chats, and even invite her over to dinner so they could get acquainted. She laughed it off.

In the end it's all about trust and reciprocity. Now we are living in two different continents and for all we knew, we could be sleeping with other people without the other getting a whiff about it. And yet we trust and believe in each other.

[OlderAndWiser]

I hope you are enjoying your visit with us.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

@OlderAndWiser I am, thank you. I will be getting back home a couple of days next week though, I am missing my family and Monika too asked me to come back home a couple of days.
We have never been apart that long and she was tearing up a bit on our last videocall.

[OlderAndWiser]

Sad, but it is also reassuring to know that you are missed.

[AviatorTom]

My SO can access my phone (knows the PIN), but the only time she ever uses it is when she doesn't have her phone and wants to call someone.

[Unit1]

Not only is digital privacy and cyber security my thing but giving access to others puts you (or me) at risk of things happening, that you (or me) wish didn't happen, thus exposing the potential to cause harm and damages.

This is a complicated matter. Privacy and cyber security and responsibility say NO. A girlfriend/spouse can say YES.

According to Nathan House, CEO of the cyber security company StationX, the cyber security professionals tend to be the most paranoid of people and avoid having or using social media, posting online or viewing certain content as much as they can do that with the maximalists having nothing more than an Email Address and perhaps a private & secure messaging app like Signal.

[admles]

My wife knows my password. She has used my phone to change songs etc.

If I ever caught her snooping, reading private conversations, we would be having a LONG discussion about it. If I wasn't satisfied, I would be changing the PIN.

If she wants to see something to ease her mind, she can ask.

Just because we are married, doesn't mean I lose any right to privacy, and additionally, my friends have the right to talk to me about what is on their minds and know they are discussing it with me and me only. If they want her to know about it, they'll tell me.

[NathanDavis]

my phone is password protected in few ways, lol... because it definitely has to be

however, whenever my partners needed it, they could always have it and use it and they did do that, but I was never asked for my phone to be checked or anything like that... but I never ever really gave them any reason to suspect anything, and they didn't have any reasons to suspect something either, so...

trust is a must, and that's just how it was...

[Potteplante]

My partners lack of trust in me would not be enough for me to betray the trust of family and friends - I can only hope that friends and family would show me the same courtesy, stopped speaking to a friend when i found out about the trust issues in their marriage and how their spouse would frequently read our conversation without my knowledge.

[andreasderjuengere]

There is no such thing as "digital privacy".
My own arrangementsre-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[OlderAndWiser]

The term is used in a relative sense.

[andreasderjuengere]

I am aware. And the term is relatively misleading :D

[NewWaves]

Nope. They wouldn't have the password or be able to go through my phone. Privacy is privacy.

[OlderAndWiser]

How do you respond to the statement, "If you have nothing to hide, then you would let me look at your phone?"

[NewWaves]

That's manipulation, to me.
I don't have anything to hide, but it certainly doesn't give anyone else authority over my property. I don't look into other people's phones. I've never looked into an SO's phone unless they wanted to show me something.

[Lliam]

I don't have password protection on my phone. My wife has a password on hers. I know her password in case of emergency. But neither of us has any interest in checking each other's phones.

I think spying on someone else's phone is creepy af. It's sneaky, possessive, entitled and shows lack of trust. It would destroy a relationship with me. I would not trust or respect such a person.

[msc545]

Absolutely not. My profession imposes very heavy serious legal confidentiality and I am not about to compromise that for anyone.

[OlderAndWiser]

You can control someone else's review of your phone so that confidential communications are protected. I have the same duty of confidentiality.

[msc545]

I agree, and I do a little more. Nobody is permitted to use my phone, borrow it, or touch it.

[Nikki1989]

We not only share passwords, but we share phones, laptops, and everything else. We have nothing to hide from each other.

[KittygosMeoWW]

No unless I’m married, no man will ever get more than they give

[OlderAndWiser]

I understand, but. . . Are you willing to compromise your digital privacy in a relationship? If not, why not? And how do you respond to the statement, "If you have nothing to hide, then you would let me look at your phone?"

[KittygosMeoWW]

Why is my privacy a immediate threat or thought of as me hiding

[Lokiion]

Ngl they not getting my password and they also not looking through my phone If you feel the need to look through someone’s phone you clearly don’t trust them so what’s the point of continuing the relationship even if you did get to look through their phone and don’t find anything I can almost guarantee you still wouldn’t trust them fully

[Anpu23]

My wife has both of my phone passwords (1 is a business line). I don't restrict anything except a few business communications as per NDAs.

[exitseven]

My wife has a document that has all my passwords on it in case I die. I really do not have anything of value on my phone.

[JaneDoe95676187]

I think there should be complete transparency in a partnership

[MemeSupreme]

they'll probably know the password at some point, but i don't want them checking my phone bc they should trust my word. only use it if you got a LEGITIMATE reason

bc you should have some privacy and space from your partner

[midnightmoon05]

I’m an open book.
we share everything. He knows my passwords and account information.

same with my first marriage.

for your job. I understand that’s necessary.

[Yannae]

I will show them. Only if they are discrete. Because some conversations are well private. Has nothing to do with cheating. If word gets out, there isa problem

[Agape93]

Sure. If you trust them, what's the problem? My partners have access, I don't give a shit

[SolitarySolace]

I don't sacrafice anything for women.

[Anonymous]

I really don't have anything to hide.😆

[DrPepper12]

Open book here. No password stuff and her neither.

[DtMe89]

Nooooo

[Kayleigh2005]

Yes,