My boyfriend is friends with a girl he used to be attracted to. Should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

May i please get a genuine opinion on this?

I have a boyfriend, he has this friend group which consists of 5 men including him and 1 girl.

This girl was someone he used to be attracted to, and she has a boyfriend as well.

I honestly have nothing against her because it is not her fault that he liked her back then.

I personally am okay with him having female friends, but it doesn't sit right with me when he is still friends with someone he used to have feelings for. And no, they did not meet before I was in the picture. Me and him were already friends, not dating during that time, he started another school year and that's where he met her.

When we were friends, he would talk about her. We did not have any feelings for each other during this time frame.

But now that we are together, it does affect me when I remember how he talks about her.

He has been very loyal, and trusting. But how far would that go? They are in the same school, they are in the same class, and even the same friend group. I would NOT want to just tell him to cut his friend group off because I know that wouldn't be right.

He knows I am bothered about this as well, but all he could do is apologise. But to be frank, what else can he do besides apologising, really? Not much. Which is why I understand the pinch I would put him into whenever I bring this up.


Part of me says that I should just get over it, and trust him. Dont let my insecurities take over. Because relationship is nothing without trust.

While the other part of me says, I should be friends again with the friendgroup I had where one of the guys liked me. So he can see it from my point of view as well. But that seems childish, no?
Because as of now I have cut off all of my guy friends for him, especially the ones i know used to have feelings for me.

I am very conflicted and I am aware of the insecurity I have, I promise I am fixing it everyday just for him.

Thank you for your opinions. I appreciate it

Updates

1 y

We have been together for almost 3 years now by the way.

[SueShe]

There is always a potential conflict in those cases.

He was attracted to that girl before he knew you but was that attraction reciprocated by her? Did she also have feelings for your boyfriend? If yes, then it is a situation that could be worrisome and I would also feel insecure.

All it takes is a serious fight with your boyfriend for him to want to find consolation elsewhere and who knows what would happen. That girl being in a relationship herself is not a warrant that her relationship is going well. It does not take much for a spark to re-ignite.

Trust is nice but security is better. I would not feel at ease, just like you don't. However, if you trust him because he gave you no reason to mistrust you until now and you lower your guard, then you will be upset with yourself for not being cautious enough.

Mainly in this age group, testosterone often does the talking, not reason.

[PeachyPie93]

Well considering you cut your friends off for him.. I don't know why he wouldn't do the same.. Just live your life since you can't control anyone but yourself. Considering he won't get rid of her I think you should go back to your old friends since why do something for someone who won't do the same for you.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach, I'm here to sprinkle some love wisdom into your life! Trust is the main dish in any relationship buffet; without it, you're left with an empty plate. He's been loyal, and that's like gold in relationship currency. While it might bug you, your suggested approach to bring your old friend around could add unnecessary drama to your love story. Focus on building that trust and maybe see her as just a part of his past, like an old hobby he doesn’t have time for anymore. Keep that communication open, and cherish what you both have. 😊 You've got this, fabulous! 💕

[In_Trance]

That's not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Yes you should