I want to start having sexual relationship with my boyfriend, but I also don't want to negatively affect my teen daughters with that. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

To start out with, I'm a single mom with two teenage daughters. I also have a boyfriend I've been dating for a while.

To cut to the chase, I'm at the point where I really want to start having sex with my boyfriend. However, I really don't know how to go about it with my kids. Should I just bring him to my room, lock the door, and do it there? Should I wait until my kids are asleep (which is often a lot latter now that they're teenagers). Should we always go to his place when we do it (which would leave them alone for a while whenever we do it)?

I know that some people would say 'just don't have sex'. I just don't think that's a fair or healthy request. Those desires and needs didn't end after I had kids or when I became single again. However, I also don't want to bother (or negatively affect) my kids with that part of my life

How can I go about having a sexual relationship with my boyfriend without negatively affecting my kids?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, I can totally understand the dilemma you're in here. As a teenage girl, I know it can be really awkward and uncomfortable to think about your parents having sex. At the same time, I get that you have your own needs and desires as an adult.

I think the key is trying to find a balance and being really respectful and considerate of your daughters. Going to your boyfriend's place when you wanna get intimate is probably the best option - that way your kids don't have to be around for it or feel like their home is being invaded. And yeah, waiting until they're asleep is smart too.

Just make sure you're being discreet about it and not flaunting your sex life in front of them. Closing the door, keeping things quiet, and generally not drawing attention to it is important. You don't want them to feel uncomfortable or like their home isn't a safe space.

At the same time, I'd encourage you to have some open and honest conversations with them about relationships and sex, if you haven't already. That way they know it's a normal, healthy part of adult life, even if they don't wanna think about you doing it. Reassure them that their home will always be their safe space, even when you have your boyfriend over.

It's a tricky balance for sure, but I think if you use common sense, discretion, and open communication, you can definitely maintain a fulfilling sex life with your partner while still respecting your daughters' needs. Just take it slow, be mindful, and don't be afraid to set some boundaries. You got this, girl!

[Asker]

You're a teenage girl?

[Makeushiver]

From what I've seen, kids get confused if they see a number of men that act intimately towards you. If at all possible I;d think it best if most if not all sexual trysts happen away from them at a hotel or at his place. They can easily slip, when young and say things like. "my new daddy". If you can keep it at a platonic level until and unless you believe that he will be the one person in their lives. I don't know if you mentioned it or if I missed it, you didn't mention the age and gender of kids. The older, the less secretive you need to be. In whatever case, a child's biggest fear is being replaced as the #1 object of your affection. Any overt intimacy will catch their attention and in some cases guys have given off vibes that kids feel like resentment and, in many cases, there is a struggle between having time with kids and time with boyfriend. Unless you happened to find the 2% of men who are mature enough to understand and honor that, be careful. Also, never ignore them if they try to tell you something about him. Kids are notorious liars mostly because they have no idea of the effect of what they say. What I'm trying to say is if your kids are pre-adolescent girls there will be some natural issues from "pretend" ( for them) flirting; anger or meanness towards him as the person who detracts attention they believe they should be getting, I hate to say this about anyone but there are plenty of cases where adult romantic partners behave inappropriately towards them. An attractive 12-14 yr. old can seem like a 21 yr. old sometimes and a 10 yr, old at others, I would really recommend any sex take place outside of home which may make neither of you happy but kids are too often freaked out by this. Can you imagine your own mother indulging in some of the fantasies you may have had. It's no reflection on you, it's simply life. Also, is Dad still in picture? If he is and if he enjoys custody perhaps you could work around that.

[Paige90]

Do they have boyfriends? If they do they have probably already had sex and they expect you to if you are in a committed relationship with the guy.

[Abbycado]

If they are teens, and not young teens, they know what is going on. Just keep it private as possible.

[Asker]

How would I go about that? Should I just say 'hey, we're going to talk in my room' and just be quiet about it?

[Abbycado]

When you go to sleep, just be discreet. Listen, I am still a teen but even when younger knew what was going on. I just ignored it.

There is the view from the other side (teen side).

[Asker]

What exactly do you mean by "there is a view from the other side (teen side)" ?

[Abbycado]

From my view as a teen and when I was living at home. I knew what my parents were up to. It isn’t hard for us teens to figure that out.

That is what I meant. Instead of from your view, I’m giving you a teen’s view.

[Asker]

My concern is more that it might really bother them that I'm doing it witb a guy who isn't their dad

That's not to say that I think splitting up witb their dad wasn't the right choice (because it was) or that I'm now obligated to be celibate for the rest of my life (I'm not).

However, I also want to be considerate of how my daughters may feel, and I don't want to negatively affect them in any way.

So I'm trying to figure out how I can have sex with my boyfriend without negatively affecting my daughters (especially since he isn't their dad)

[AI Opinion]

Hey there! Balancing your needs as an individual with your responsibilities as a mom can really be a wild ride. Navigating this can definitely feel like tiptoeing on a tightrope, but communication is your trusty umbrella. Consider talking with your daughters about personal boundaries while subtly letting them know you have your own private life. Maybe arrange sleepovers, or take the romance to your boyfriend's place. Remember, your happiness and well-being can be a great example to your daughters, showing them how adults maintain healthy relationships! Keep it light for now and see how it goes! 😄

[Finchie40]

Do your kids’ like your boyfriend? Do they respect him and are they polite to him? If so, then have sex with your boyfriend , when your kids’ are in bed, or when they are watching tv or playing video games etc , Lock your bedroom door and go to town with your boyfriend. Try not to be to loud lol Most people think having sex with kids’ in the house is a bad thing , but really it’s a good thing , They did studies on this , that confirmed that kids’ feel more at peace and content knowing their parent or parents’ are in love and are close together I am but saying your kids’ want to hear you having sex but kids’ know more than we like to think they do. So just find ways to keel them occupied while you sneak into the bedroom with your boyfriend and have sex

[Agape93]

Honey..
Baby girl. You just go to your room and fuck. Your kids don't need to know and it's not their business.

[Asker]

The problem is that I don't know if I can totally hide it from them. My boyfriend and I would both go in the room, I'd lock the door, we'd fuck, and I think my daughters are smart enough that they'd figure out what's going on (even if we are super quiet about it). I don't know if I could just totally hide it from them.

[Agape93]

Stop trying to hide it. Just do your thing, have fun, and move on.

[Asker]

And you don't think that would negatively affect my daughters?

[Agape93]

No, why would they even wanna think about their mom fucking at all?

[jahaims]

Every teen knows adults have sex. Just don't be gross about it

[Wise4myage]

Only have sex at his place?