Coping with a crush while in relationship?

Question

I am in a long term relationship and living with a partner. Stumbled upon a guy that have a crush with for about 4 months, following my partner being unwell and other problems. Maybe it's a form of escapism. I don't know much about my crush and also I have removed myself from any interraction in person to avoid feeling bad. Although I noticed that crush showed curiosity in me and I also followed him on social media which was reciprocated. However we are not exchanging any messages and I have no intention to act upon it as I am a loyal person and cheating is not in my values. Still I feel in pain for everything and it is torturing me. Maybe I need allow more tine like 6 moths to let it cool off. But platonically I am in love for sure. Nothing I can do about it. Well if anyone has been in a similar situation and wanna share, please do, maybe it will help me cope. Tnx.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

It has happened to me twice the first time it was with a girl that I worked with and she asked me for a ride home after work I said of course

As she was telling me how to get to her house she said pull over it in that church parking lot so I did and she said drive to the back so I did and she said I want to make out with you so I did LOL and then we got in the back of the truck and we had sex I felt so weird because it was in the middle of the hot summer I had a good tan and I didn't know if anybody was watching or could see us and all I could picture was my white butt going up and down plus being in a church parking lot just didn't feel right but anyway we finished got back in the car we were going to her house she tells me how to get there and as I pulled down the street I see her truck and as I'm pulling up to the truck her garage door is open and then I see a guy walking around and I said who's that and she said my boyfriend and I looked at her and said what and she said yeah she goes don't worry about it I'll explain everything to you she goes come on in you can meet him I said wait a minute she goes come on I'll explain it to you later so I go in I meet the guy and he's a really good guy and he's a mechanic like I am he loves doing all kinds of things with engines motors whatever like me so we hit it off and we start becoming friends and about a week down the road I meet him again and about another week down the road I meet him again and he's the one that tells me that he's a diabetic and he's not going to live much longer and he told me what I should be doing to pick up on his girlfriend and he started telling me everything she likes sexually and I just felt really weird about that so it's kind of like your situation but not I feel it is but you're not like the girl that I gave a ride home to but it sounds like maybe you would want that anyway but I'm glad to hear that you are loyal

The next time it happened was after work used to go to a bar it was a deli is what it was and they used to serve these big Martini beers they were really good anyway after work I was in there I had one beer and I was going to go home and I walked into the men's room standing at the urinal a guy walks in goes to the urinal next to me and he says Steve right then I go yeah because the same people would go in there all the time he goes yeah we've talked before and I said yeah we have he goes hey I have a question for you I said sure and I finish peeing went over to wash my hands and he was asking me if I knew his wife and I said no not really I mean I've seen her before but that's about it and he goes can we talk to you and I said sure I was just about getting ready to go home but yeah why not so I go over to their table and I sit down and he leaves and he walks up to the bar to get me a beer I didn't know that's what he was doing but and she starts talking to me and she reaches over she grabs a hold of my hand and she's going you know your hands are so rough and I didn't know what to say but anyway he walks back up and I'm going oh crap she has a hold of my hand and she's caressing it like like a flirtation and he sits down and hands me the beer I said thank you and so I pulled my hand away so I can grab a hold of the beer that he said well I wanted to ask you a few things and I said sure he goes what would you think if I asked you would you take my wife home I said what you have to go someplace I can give her a ride yeah and he goes no I just want you to take her home and I'm looking at him kind of confused I said to my house or to your house he said to his house and I said sure why not I can give her a ride and he goes well I'm asking a little bit more than that and I just kind of like looked at him like what and he started to explain to me that his body parts didn't work anymore and he wanted to keep her happy he really loved her they had talked about it and he is okayed for her to be an open relationship but he had to okay the guy and he said in she sees you in here every time we come in and she's just curious about you and I'm looking at both of them like holy smokes and I'm thinking this guy wants me to have sex with his wife what does he want to watch me or something but anyway I agreed to take her home and before I took her home I went by my house because I wanted to change my clothes and I went into my bedroom started changing and she walks in and the next thing I know we're on the bed and the next thing I know we're having a marathon f*** section and she's going crazy and we get done and I pull up to her house and I said okay well thank you I'll see you later and she's going to know you have to come in and I said okay so I go in and she showed me her house and blah blah and she says there's our bedroom down there down the hall and she goes and this is your in my room and I'm saying what and I'm saying okay with this guy have cameras in here or what so anyway we go in there we sit down on the bed we start talking we start making out and we have sex again and I thought she was loud in my house but she was even louder there and I'm just going shhh quiet what are you doing you know and she laughs a little bit and she goes it's okay I said is he watching us and she said no she didn't think so I said is there cameras in here and she said not to her knowledge if there was she didn't know about them but anyway this went on for about a month every day or every other day but started getting out of hand because the rules were we could only be together at her house and there was times where she would come to my house and we would f****** she would go home and then she told me they started arguing a little bit and blah blah blah and I just thought this was enough it's still a little bit different than your situation but I feel that if you weren't who you are and believed in what you believe in it could be your situation so I kind of like it that you have been strong and loyal but I do you feel your energy through your words and it's almost like a craving I feel coming from you you want that sensual slow deep massage touch penetration whatever and I think that would be hard to control sometimes because there's a lot more that goes with it too so I feel for you because you're going through that and it sounds like he has a lot to body problems and you're there for him which is I think is a cool thing it's a beautiful thing really because I think otherwise if he was okay you would probably just leave then I'm not sure

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Ah man, I can totally understand what you're going through. Having a crush while you're already in a committed relationship is one of the most complicated situations to be in. I get that it feels really conflicting and confusing.

It's great that you're being so honest with yourself about this and not trying to act on the crush. Cheating is definitely a line you don't want to cross, even if the temptation is there. Maintaining loyalty to your partner is super important.

I think you're handling this really well so far by trying to distance yourself from the other person and not engage with them directly. Giving it that 6 month timeline to let the feelings cool off is a smart move. Sometimes we just need a bit of space and time to get over an intense crush, even if the feelings feel super strong in the moment.

In the meantime, try to focus on working through any issues in your current relationship. Open and honest communication with your partner is key. Let them know what you're going through, but assure them that you're committed to making things work. Leaning on your partner for support during this tricky time could actually help bring you closer together.

I know it's really tough, but try not to be too hard on yourself. Crushes happen, even to the most loyal people. The fact that you're being so intentional about not acting on it shows a lot of maturity and self-control. Hang in there, luv. I'm sure if you keep prioritizing your primary relationship, those intense feelings for your crush will fade over time.

You've got this! Just take it one day at a time and don't hesitate to reach out to trusted friends or a counselor if you need extra support. Wishing you all the best in working through this.

WhitneySnow · Accepted Answer

I have not been in that exact situation, but that’s not platonic. Platonic is when you love somebody as a friend. I think you should try to treat your crush as just a friend if you can. Masturbate over him at night once in a while if you need to, but otherwise stay loyal to your partner and avoid getting too closely entangled with your crush.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

So basically you’ve settled for this relationship because for whatever reason you can’t be with your crush. I’m sure you have love for your boyfriend but if it were unconditional you wouldn’t be in love with someone else. This is a reality I think you’re a bit in denial about but all the signs are there.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Hey, love-weaver! 🌟 Crushes can be tricky little crush-monsters, even when you're happily hitched. Sounds like you've got a real mental tug-of-war going on. Completely normal—sometimes our brains start making out with novelty when we're under stress or feeling a bit trapped. Platonically, crushing is nothing to blush over. 😉

Keep doing what you're doing by maintaining those boundaries and letting your heart catch its breath. As they say, time and space are love's chill pills. A little self-care and maybe some extra cuddles with your partner might dim that rosy glow a bit. 💖 Keep leaning on your values, breakups aren't fun, right? Remember, even the brightest red looks less vibrant after a while! ✨

Finchie40 · Answer

Well the truth is , you are still cheating on your partner by following a crush on social media , just because you aren’t interacting with him and staying physically loyal to your boyfriend , you are still accepting your crush into your life by following him and crushing on him , if your boyfriend found out that you have a crush on this guy? , your boyfriend would be devastated and feel hurt and betrayed , which will sadly make you a cheater without you realizing you are. Cheating isn’t just physical , cheating is emotional as well , so if you love your boyfriend and want your relationship with him to continue to grow , you are best to stop following your crush all together and move on from him period and not leave any doors open for your crush to interact with you. .

RingOfFire · Answer

I'm on the other end of that kind of relationship and I hate it.

It was a girl I dated in high school who has been married ever since then. I was actually at her wedding when she was 18 years old.

We loosely kept in touch over the years. I wouldn't even call it a friendship. She did things like posting notes on my classmates. com profile. On very rare occasions maybe we would exchange and email or text.

Anyway, a few years ago she started writing for me more frequently and I tried not to answer her. Her messages were getting more and more crush like and I was not happy about it. I told her a number of times that we shouldn't talk anymore because I don't feel comfortable about it. But she kept finding excuses to write, telling me I don't care about her, and so forth. She was trying to guilt me into keeping the conversation going. It was clear she had feelings for me and finally told me that she had them all these years.

I told her that's not good and I would have to cut off the relationship. But again she kept coming back. It's been a nightmare for a few years. A few months ago I really got serious about it, told her it can't go on, and I've only heard from her once or twice since then. But I still fear she's going to be back.

So what I'm getting at is this. Let it go. Cut this other guy off hard or you're liable to get into a situation you will regret. You don't really know the guy so it's fantasy anyway. Don't give up something real for a fantasy.

SuchSightsToShowYou · Answer

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're not going to feel attraction for other people.

If you and your partner are in a happy, stable, fulfilling relationship, you should just do whatever you need to do, to get this other guy out of your head. You might consider unfollowing your crush on social media, to avoid temptation.

If you and your partner aren't doing so well, relationship-wise, you might keep your crush in mind for a future relationship. Or is that what you're doing already?

I get the feeling that you're very strongly tempted to cheat, and you're looking for loophole that would make cheating okay. No such loophole exists.

Hope this helps.

michalpl00 · Answer

Love is a decision. You chose your man. Just because a better option comes doesn’t mean that you have to cheat. Better or worse. You chose your man. Be loyal and do the right thing. Stop following them on social media because that is disgusting behavior. I would be pissed if my girl did that. When i had my ex, I had a crush on another girl who I wanted to marry but she was taken already. But I wouldn’t give up my current partner at the time. It comes down to being a cheater or a loyal good person. Attractions may be there but you don’t put yourself in situations were you might be tempted.

AnonAndrew · Answer

Don't feel bad about this.

Humans beings have evolved for polyandry (one woman with multiple husbands). Society tells us that is wrong, though (especially for women), and that we should live in monogamy.

But a woman by nature needs multiple men to feel that her needs are fulfilled, so it's only natural that women experience feelings and/or desire for other men.

I think you should accept that you are having a natural and healthy reaction to your situation. Not only is there nothing wrong with what you are feeling and experiencing, it's normal and right. :)

Tarifa · Answer

As I said before, you need to be completely honest to yourself. I think you're making the right decisions. Above all, don't blame yourself. Feelings happen. They're part of life.

If you want more advice, you can send me a DM.

RavVid · Answer

You can and should shut it down. It is quite simple you remind yourself it is nogo when you have those feelings. It doesn't take that long for that to work. Has for me.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Crushes are something teenagers go through. You can feel an attraction, but anything beyond that is just weird.

CarolinaGirl5 · Answer

You're 30-35 years old, no kids, and unmarried talking about crushes lol 🤣 grow tf up ur clock is ticking

lorenzomichael · Answer

Get over it. or just come out and tell that person how you feel. What are you 15 years old?

jahaims · Answer

You aren't emotionally healthy if you are getting crushes while in a relationship

Flower7 · Answer

First of all, stop following the crush online and don’t look at his social media anymore. Just cut him out of your life completely if you want to stay in your current relationship.

HighValue · Answer

You ARE cheating, don't lie to yourself. You emotionally like him and intentionally followed him on social media and allowed him to follow you.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You are having an emotional affair. Let your man go and find a good woman.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

OH BOY

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