What does it say about you when you choose emotionally unavailable people?

[Simslover92]

[D_Bone_Steak]

I mean if it's a repetitive habit, it says a lot about you. Like, if it's just getting horny for random people then the choices are going to be random... not just emotionally unavailable people.

Here would be my first educated guess about why this choice is being made. It's what you know, what you're used to, what you've adapted to... to the point of feeling most comfortable choosing emotionally unavailable people.

You ever hear that saying that 'girls go for guys that are like their father or that boys goes for girls that are like their mother?' Obviously, that saying isn't all the way steadfast because single-parent households and all that or like me, filtered through many different households. The basic idea of it, is that you spent most of your formative years adapting to dealing with that person... then you grow up that's just what you're best at dealing with. -->Which sort of explains why an abuse victim will just keep getting in abusive relationships over and over.

Anyways, that's my educated guess on the subject. If you want to change it, you're going to have to learn how to adapt to new types of people. Also not to carry your baggage over to the new relationships. Like, I mentioned abuse victims before right? Well, I've been with women that basically tried to turn me into a woman beater... I mean I like to fight for fun, but I only like to verbally fight... those chicks basically will try to convince me to hit them. Don't be like them, take someone that is emotionally available, and then turn them into someone that is emotionally unavailable just because you prefer dealing with someone that is emotionally unavailable with you.

I only wrote all that to point out it's not just about finding different types of people, you really need to consider who the common denominator in these interactions really is... which is you.

You could be asking about someone else, so I'm not saying you as in "you" if you know what I'm saying.

[Lynx122]

You probably had unavailable parents.

[Simslover92]

Unavailable parent. My dad.

[Anonymous]

That you are attracted to strong stoic men, the strong silent. There's nothing wrong with that. Just because a man doesn't express his emotions freely doesn't make his emotions less valid or that they are not there. Maybe he wasn't angry just horny, maybe he wasn't sad just sleepy, maybe he wasn't worried just tired.

After dating women and all their very emotional availability and drama I've learned to appreciate my emotionally unavailable man, he's so strong and I never need to worry about anything or discuss it point by point in a committee as he just does it if I ask nicely.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Usually that you had one, significant partner that was emotionally unavailable to you and the relationship ended poorly. Without realizing it, you are trying to redo that relationship with every emotionally unavailable person after that because your subconscious is convinced you can “do it right this time” if you just keep trying.

[Simslover92]

Wow that makes a lot of sense. Thanks.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the allure of the emotionally unavailable! 😅 As someone who's dived deep into matters of the heart, choosing unavailable partners often signals an attachment style or self-worth challenge. Maybe you find the chase thrilling, or perhaps think you deserve less than you do. It's a common pattern to crave what feels out of reach. The trick is recognizing it as a red flag. Reflect on why and remember, love should feel fulfilling, not like emotional hide-and-seek! 💌

[ohsheeT]

It says that you're making the wrong choices you're jumping into things way too fast not knowing who they are exactly relationships are a marathon you grow with each other you learn with each other you become each other and the only way to do that is to be invested in everything with each other

[RavVid]

Girls like and expect men to be unemotional. One girl said to me 'You have the emotions of a brick' and she did mean it as a compliment. Another said 'What if we both had a bad hair day' in terms of emotional men.

Unemotional is not the same as emotionally unavailable but they are correlated.

[Simslover92]

I mean distant and cold. No girl likes that.

[RavVid]

OK. I can see that there is a fine balance and distant and cold would not go down well.

[Simslover92]

Nope not at all.

[Keyboardkat]

It says to me that you are afraid of commitment, and so you choose emotionally unavailable people because they are "safe." But that's going to be a dead end for you, because you will end up single for the rest of your life if you don't deal with this problem.

[Zack-Bann]

I think emotional availability is an overhyped psychological term that therapists enjoy throwing around because it sounds deep and insightful.


We are all emotionally available and unavailable at the same time.


If you find that all your partners are emotionally unavailable it could very well be that you’re not managing to trigger emotions in them


And it’s fine.
Just move on. Keep trying.
You will eventually make it work and it will that much more special

[KittygosMeoWW]

I did this so much and I realized I was looking to fill a void instead of being okay with it and loving myself

[Simslover92]

Yeah I'm starting to realize that myself. I have to stop and start doing that.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

What can YOU say about you when you choose emotionally unavailable people. Considering that you process in a specific manner known only to you.

[red-lipstick-girl]

Sometimes we choose the wrong people and fall in love with them, there is nothing to do, we do not control our hearts.

[Flower7]

Most likely that the person had parents who were emotionally unavailable.

[ProbablyClueless]

When I found myself attracted to emotionally unavailable people, it was because I had a fear of intimacy.

[MemeSupreme]

you want their attention or acceptance

the why idkk it varies lol

[Tmucciolo]

Attracting avoidant attachment style partner means you have inner unresolved issues/trauma. Thats why you mirror eachother.

[Sevenpointfive]

even psychopaths have one emotion. are you asking if people are cruel with a sex drive?

[NathanDavis]

you like drama... must be Shakespeare

[exitseven]

it means you are afraid to get close to somebody.

[Fireguy17]

challenge accepted!
The thrill is in the chase.

[DrPepper12]

Got some work to do in therapy tbh...

[IWILLPLEASEYOU]

It appears that I can't read the other person.

[Anonymous]

It means you're creating that person.

[lightbulb27]

you tell me.

[jahaims]

You are stupid or emotionally unhealthy