Is emotionally unavailable the same as just not into you?

Question

I've heard mixed opinions. I think saying they're the same might be too black and white. I'm not sure.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

I think it is different but is also basically the same thing. Like a guy who is emotionally unavailable will not date anyone seriously but doesn't mind hurting everyone. But I also feel if the right person came along they wouldn't pass it up either. I once talked to a guy, I knew him for years and we had a crush on each other. Anyways everything was good we talked everyday he told me he loved me all the time for 3 months then he started doing annoying shit like flirting with girls posting nudes and liking and following hoes which would cause fights, he would say stuff like "Why do you even care about these girls when you look how you do?" Then he lost one of his jobs and he started "I'm not emotionally available right now" and "I'm not sure I am looking looking for a girlfriend rn but I will never leave you". He continued to tell me "Goodnight I love you" everyday. Basically I think he kind of liked me, but he wanted to hoe around and find someone better, that's all it is. I say never wait around on some idiots back burner he isn't worth anything especially your time.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

No. Some guys are REALLY INTO a girl and WANT to be with her but are emotionally hung up on something (either stressed in general, still overcoming a bad relationship, or shut off/quiet in general). These guys are capable of a sweet gesture or two but feel emotional detachment they struggle with for one of many reasons (too many to list here).

By contrast, a guy who is not into you will find a way to blow you off either right when you meet or right after you hop into bed with him.

Lynx122 · Accepted Answer

I don't think so. Emotionally unavailable means that someone is not ready to commit to the level that their partner wants them to. But this will happen no matter who they're dating. They might just be young and don't want to settle down or the responsibilities of a relationship scare them or they just don't want to be pressured into anything etc.

Not into you means they won't commit to you but if someone else who they liked more came along they might want to be with them long term. So they could be available but just not to you.

mstbooblover · Accepted Answer

No, I don't think being emotionally unavailable to be the same as not being into someone. Some people, for particular psychological reasons, seem unable to express, or even feel emotions. Oddly enough that doesn't mean not to be into someone. Everything happens subconsciously. There is a genuine interest in the other person for whatever unaware reasons, but at the same time an inability to feel and express the hidden and repressed but nevertheless present emotions. A shrink may help clarify the situation ;0)

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"Emotionally unavailable" means that someone has unresolved feelings, usually about their last relationship, that would prevent them from being receptive to a relationship with you. . . it wouldn't work now.

"Not into you" means they aren't physically attracted or there is some other immediate and obvious deal breaker. . . it would never work.

kylee2437 · Answer

I think both of them rectify the same emotions on both sides, however they are different by definition. Emotionally unavailability does not mean not into you but also not being into someone can cause emotion availability

sage2021 · Answer

No, being emotionally unavailable to you means he is just not for the taking. He wants to play the field and not be committed to you.
He's interested in you for one thing - sex. But that's as far as it goes.
You aren't going to be invited to be around his friends. That's another thing they do. And it makes the girl think he's ashamed of her. It hurts to feel that way.
These kind of guys are some of the worst to get involved with. Because just when you think he's forgotten all about you, the phone rings and he wants to pick you up in an hour to go out for drinks.
He doesn't give any thought to make plans with you sooner because he knows when he says jump, you'll say "How high"? Like you will do anything for him.

Break it off with this type. It can go on for years and he will never change and it's just drinks and sex all night. Then the phone doesn't ring for a week or more until he's horny again.🙄

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Nah... that's definitely not the same thing. It's usually more like "I think you're awesome and attractive, but I have personal baggage that I haven't worked passed and I would need to get passed that stuff to feel comfortable dating you."

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Being emotionally unavailable means the person is focusing on themself, and is unavailable to start a relationship, whereas a person that is not into another person means, the are available for a relationship, just not with that particular person.

HawkPerception · Answer

Absolutely is. If someone's dream partner shows up in front of their face and tells them they're attracted to them it's highly unlikely they would say "sorry I'm just emotionally unavailable right now".

They're trying to be nice, but really it's just a backhanded way of saying "I'm not into you."

RingOfFire · Answer

The only way I could see these two things being the same is if you mean emotionally unavailable TO YOU. Otherwise emotionally unavailable means that the person is unable to have a romantic relationship with ANYONE and not into you means that the person is just not interested in a romantic relationship with YOU. Two totally different things.

dustybiker2 · Answer

It's a triggered mental state, no? It means they shouldn't be in a relationship. They should be taking time to work on whatever is making them unstable. It's not healthy for the person who is putting effort in to stick around.

Lionman95 · Answer

I would say no but it should be a red flag, since a person says that tells you that won't fully commit to the relationship. The relationship won't be healthy with this fundament but a situation where you give and spend more than they do.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm somewhere between "NO" and "Depends" on this. Because I was told I was emotionally unavailable when I was younger. That simply was not true. I didn't always know best how to express what I felt. I've come along way in this department. But I still struggle with both sharing and concern for being judged for what I share. Less is more with people a lot of times because the wrong word can be a bullet. A bullet that you can't take back.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I said depends… because I’m sure a lot of people may use emotionally unavailable as an excuse because they aren’t really into someone… but in general I think they are separate.

paledreams · Answer

Yeah. Sometimes I wondered why people get into romances that end up as you've described.  That said, I'm too chicken for relationships anyhow

Makeushiver · Answer

Not always. Some people. esp. guys can be shy about their emotions. Doesn't mean he doesn't feel them.

strateguy632 · Answer

different, not "into you" is available for others

foxsquirrell · Answer

Not the same I think, but if you're interested in someone and can't decide if its one or the other, just drop it and move on to someone else. Easy.

Anonymous · Answer

Can you first clearly define exactly what is "Emotionally available" mean?

Are you expecting him to act like a woman with high levels of intelligence, or do you just want some specific kind of commutation or support?

LiamJHayden · Answer

No. I can be into her, but I am emotionally somewhat like a Vulcan.

jahaims · Answer

No, emotionally unavailable means they are immature

noohair · Answer

Not into you is a choice. Emotionally unavailable is a mental condition.

Twalli · Answer

Some people just aren't able to express emotions to anyone

someone121 · Answer

No, it just means leave me alone for now, I'm not in my full mental capability to talk to you at the moment. We can talk later, just not right now

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

I always want to be naked kissing you all over your sexy body

HusamRocks · Answer

Nope they're different 👍🏻

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Nope not that same at all

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

obviously not the same thing

DreamLife7 · Answer

He's not into you. You've asked this 2x already

nawtee_me · Answer

If you are not interested just say it

jimmy2 · Answer

Well that sucks

Jason2469 · Answer

I'm not sure I care

Is emotionally unavailable the same as just not into you?

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