What does emotionally unavailable really mean?

[ph0ar]

So a little background information to give it context: I fell in love with X while I was dating another guy, and X and I ended up making out. Eventually I broke up with my boyfriend at the time because I realized that I was in love with X.

X had just come out of a relationship where she cheated on him and he it had obviously affected him. X and I eventually started sleeping together but he doesn't wan't a relationship beause he's "emotionally unavailable at the moment" and he doesn't want to screw up again. But he says he really likes me and enjoys hanging out with me, and he even got me a Christmas present. In his defence he is indeed always really busy at work ( having to wake up at 5 am to go to work), and one time he got drunk and he called me really upset saying that I'm really hot, clever, smart etc, and wondering why I was into someone like him. What do I do ? Do I wait for him or do I move on ( this has been going on for a year)

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Emotionally unavailable means that he's been hurt in the past, like you said, and as a result he's afraid to let things get to him, he's afraid to fall for anyone again, afraid to get emotionally attached. So now he's making himself emotionally unavailable and not putting himself through another relationship where he is afraid he's just gonna get hurt again. He might even be afraid that he's gonna screw things up with you. Who knows.

All in all though, it sounds like he does have a thing for you, but he's trying really hard not to let himself fall for you. I mean the way he was showering you with compliments and wonder what a girl like you sees in him, that sounds like me when I was sorta running around single. My ex girlfriends were really bad to me, and it screwed me up. I went through all kinds of abusive relationships and cheating girlfriends, and it really damaged me.

Yeah, in this case I think he likes you, but he's afraid of relationships. He's afraid of what could happen. Afraid of people cheating on him, and afraid in general because he thinks he's not good enough.

I think you might need to get a little forceful here. Even better if you do it in person, and just really fight for him, and tell him everything you see in him. Everything you love about him. Explain it to him point by point as to why he really IS awesome and why he IS good enough, and why HE is the one you want. How he's so good that you've been waiting for him for over a fucking year now. He might even try to give you some kind of struggle and list off his faults. Cut him off mid sentence, and tell him you don't wanna hear that, or tell him it's not true. Just really make sure he gets the pep talk of his life.

I don't know if this will help. Probably not much at first, but he needs to hear it. Hopefully something you say to him will sink in. Depression can be really hard though. So you might do nothing. Still, it's good to try.

Not sure how long you should wait for him at this point. I say if you give him the pep talk, maybe you should give him a few weeks. A chance to take it in, but beyond that you might wanna consider giving up the ship, and moving on. It's a testament that you even waited a whole fucking year in the first place. Either way letting go will be hard, so it's all your choice as to when you're ready.

Good luck with this.

[JSmuve]

The guy probably doesn't want to jump into a relationship again because he thinks you might cheat on him. ('...wondering why I was into someone like him'.) <------- That lends some credence to the theory. It's happened to him before so he thinks it will happen again and to protect himself from this he's acting distant and non-committal

Logic says you should move on because you can't wait around forever while he heals his wounds. On the other hand, if you really do feel as strongly as you say you do about him you need to tell him that and reassure him that you won't cheat on him.

If after this he still is emotionally unavailable and not keen to jump into a relationship, then cut your losses and move on.

[Anonymous]

youre pretty close to getting into a fwb. You are now sleeping with him, he just got out of a relationship where his girlfriend cheated on him, so of course he's going to tell you he's emotionally unavailable. Id tread very carefully, if you are indeed in live with him, id quit sleeping with him and try and build a friendship with him to start. IIn my experience, a guy saying he's "emotionally unavailable " means he wants nooky but nothing else. so be careful! :)

[CestLolaVie]

He probably thinks you'll cheat on him like you cheated on your ex boyfriend with him. He's hurt out of a relationship where he got cheated on and doesn't wanna get involved with another cheater.

[flywhiteuy]

Your just a peice of ass to him..honest withbout emotion is physical.