I seem to struggle with social situations. Especially meeting new people or asking a woman out on a date. Has anyone got passed it, or learned to control it?
1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Obviously, if it affects your life greatly then getting some kind of professional help may be in order.
I wouldn't talk about controlling it. Let it be.
It's like anything. Understand it. And then challenge it. Repeat. Keep repeating.
It's really useful to get an understanding of your thought processes. ie what are the prevailing throughts and emotions you have when you think about doing those things? No doubt, these will be tied to your self image. What are the thoughts you would use to describe yourself in general? Whether you feel worthy, good about yourself. If you don't feel good about yourself, why not? Every answer leads to new questions about where these self concepts came from.
If you have any addictions or bad habits it's crucial to get a handle on these. Porn is a common one these days. Porn causes shame, awkwardness, it desensites your brain, it messes with your dopamine levels. It gives you a quick fix of something without having to put the willpower into real life. No doubt, I'm sure people can consume it and still function well. But when it's robbing you of that 20% or so extra confidence that you require to go to the next level, then it ain't so good.
But yeah, just keep challenging yourself and your self concept.
Choose healthy habits that make you feel better about yourself. Whether it is gyming, martial arting, any hobbies and interests. Join activities with other wholesome people such as running clubs. Ignore the night garbage stuff it always attracts the worst behaviour. Martial arts are a good bet in general. Being able to defend yourself physically gives masses of confidence.
13 Reply- 26 d
Most of that is true. I do understand it a lot. I do workout , have Maui Thai class 1-2 a week. Been trying to do a lot. I even tried getting done therapy didn't help , was more annoyed. But may have to try another therapist. There is a woman I like in Music Thai class, and my mind messes me up. Instead just asking her out. Mostly the pressure of other people around. Definitely need to keep at it. Would like to talk to someone who's been where I am. It's like I am my own worst enemy. I have to put myself in uncomfortable situation more often. Il keep trying. Thank you for your reply.
- 26 d
There are different models of therapy and different therapists in terms of their personality. I know a few in real life. And one at least I definitely wouldn't enlist the services of...
I'm sure you've tried most avenues. Self help stuff online ie Teal Swan can be pretty helpful. Asking people out isn't easy. I did it recently for a girl, but only did so because I particularly fancied her. Yes, the other people being around is no good. Do you not get any one on one opportunity? Maybe shame and sexuality can come into it. Do you feel comfortable expressing your sexuality outwards? If not, why aren't you entitled to your sexuality? Just probing questions rather than any answers. But yes, it's all about being lose and chill and taking yourself less seriously. If you have something on specifically that you could ask her out to, great. But otherwise you can make it a chill ask out, if you fancy doing something, etc. Well actually, don't take my dating advice.
Anyway, you can do this. - 21 d
Just realized I didn't answer you. I actually had a small window that I was with her alone. And I f up by not saying anything. Need to keep trying. I to try not to take myself seriously. In a jokester when you get to know me. It just getting stuck in my head part that's extremely annoying. I do think an I good enough, and or are they good for men. No you're kinda right. Plain and simple , ask her and get through with it. Thanks for your reply.
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1.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Don't know if it qualifies as "anxiety" but when I was really young I could talk to huge audiences/groups of people and it never bothered me. Talking one on one could bother me. I also learned that if I ever had a goal in mind I could talk easily but if I didn't it didn't work. If other guys were afraid of asking a girl/woman out I would take it as a challenge and then be able to ask her out while everybody else was scared. Eventually tho... I guess I set my own goals instead of having random dudes do it.
I also went through long periods of just not caring at all.
12 Reply
- 25 d
I still struggle with it but my previous customer service and retail jobs did help some. Especially with greeting new people. I still struggle with public speaking. I refuse to do that.
22 Reply- 25 d
Yeah. I’m currently unemployed and I’m very much done with those industries. I don’t want to go back. I got the transferable skills I need to get higher paying jobs with less human interaction.
336 opinions shared on Relationships topic. No, it has never been an issue for me. I do have friends that maybe would be considered to have mild social anxiety. For them, going out in groups works.
14 Reply- 26 d
Hmm, that does make it tough. Might be a thing where you plan on a guy's night out in advance. Just bill it as that but use the opportunity to mingle with others while in a group.
Hard for me to relate, so that is the best advice I have based on the few people that have a similar issue.
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Hey there! 😉 My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to offer support and insights on all things relationship-related. Social anxiety can definitely put love’s progress on a pause button. Trust me, plenty of people have been in your shoes, including yours truly! Overcoming it often involves baby steps: start by practicing small talk or simply saying hello to new folks. Remember, no one's judging as harshly as you think, and mastering this challenge can unlock a whole new world of awesome social connections—and potential love stories! Just remember, you’ve got this! 💪📚
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- 25 d
Not with social anxiety but with anxiety in general which related to almost everything at its worst. Never really goes away though.
For me it was challenging my fears. You start small and move forward , and try not to become too negative from set backs or when things don’t go according to plan. Confidence can come quickly or take time.
Overthinking is a big part of it , imagining scenarios that are just not even likely and you basically have to re-teach yourself out of it in my opinion.
It can be a very personal journey though.11 Reply - 25 d
there is a therapy directed to people with social anxiety... it includes social skills training and solving main insecurities (mostly related to low self-esteem)... talk to your therapist...
31 Reply- 21 d
I guess I could give therapy another chance. Wish it wasn't so expensive, I'd probably trying going more often. My first therapy sessions, where not fulfilling. Felt like I already knew everything the to therapist told me. But then again don't think she was quality for social anxiety. Thanks
- 25 d
Yes. Just do it. That's all. You just need to tell that inner voice to shut the fuck up. It's hard. Risk and vulnerability or even novelty are all situations that not everyone can excel at. Do your best and don't judge yourself too harshly, give yourself some grace, patience and kindness
11 Reply - Anonymous(25-29)25 d
Mostly. Most people think I am very confident socially because I am extroverted. However, my social anxiety is still unpredictable. I have it only around certain people, usually those who ask me private questions which dig into my past. I was anxious when I asked my current girlfriend out a year ago, but she didn't mind. She found it endearing.
My advice is exercise as much as possible and focus on your work. You won't have energy for social anxiety anymore
12 Reply- Opinion Owner19 d
Well, she thought I was arrogant before because I was not anxious when I talked to her before, but I was really shy when I asked her out and she found it cute. Exercise and focus on work help a lot
I'd go see your primary. Verify that it is anxiety. They can prescribe medication to help. And then you may want to speak to a therapist as well. For me the medication helped but the talk therapy was weird so I stopped going.
03 Reply- Anonymous(45 Plus)25 d
Ask people questions. Most like to talk about themselves
12 Reply- 21 d
That's true. I do try to ask those questions.
- Opinion Owner21 d
Good. I hope it helps.
- 25 d
I had to get on pills because alone I can't stop having worry and insecurity around people but on pills my brain is just calm and quiet, I feel confident and normal lol.
04 Reply- 21 d
It's nice to feel normal, I'm not sure why everyone is against pills lol but if you want the natural route I guess therapy could help.
- 18 d
I haven't had any side effects besides being tired but I rather feel numb than have all those feelings I used to have.
- 25 d
Yes I have. What I do is get a super cold water bottle drink water and It helps me cope. You should try it and see for yourself.
03 Reply- 25 d
@Maningray It truly works if you do not believe me. See for yourself. We all have different experiences. For men it work out super well but it has to be cold.
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25 dapparently, I had it as a kid...
12 Reply- 13 d
it do be like that sometimes, yeah...
7.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Nah, I am quite the opposite.
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