Why can’t I trust her? Is it my insecurities or is something actually wrong?

[3hundred]

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and we’ve had our ups and downs. I caught her lying about hanging out with her ex and not telling me about it. She says she didn’t want to argue, but how can I trust her after she lied for a month? Should I give up?

[Summeroflove]

No don’t and she’s probably not just hanging out with her ex as friends. She’s probably having sex with him as well as if she’s cheating with him he’s probably not the only one she is, has, or will be with. Once you catch someone they probably did it a hundred times.

Most people are extremely careful the first time they cheat. Women especially on average plan everything out. Who it will be with (most of the time someone they know IE a ex), how they will do it, and how they will cover it up. Including using her friends and at times your friends to cover for her and help gaslight.

Even if she never had sex with him. She lied. She can’t be trusted. If she was not doing things though that aren’t questionable why would she have to lie about it?

[Lowly_Grumper]

LISTEN HERE YOU GLITTER-BLASTED SUNBEAM, THAT EX-SNUGGLE MUFFIN IS A SLIMY SOCK PUPPET WEARING A LIE-SMEARED TUTU! HER TRUTHINESS IS FAKER THAN A CHOCOLATE TEAPOT AT A LAVA PARTY!
TRUST YOUR GUT, IT’S WISER THAN A WIZARD’S FART IN A LIBRARY! SHE’S OUT HERE PLAYING HIDE-AND-SNEAK LIKE A GOBLIN WITH A STOLEN SPOON COLLECTION!
GIVE UP? NAH, THROW HER WHOLE FISHY OPERATION INTO A VOLCANO MADE OF SPOILED YOGURT! YOU DESERVE A LOVE THAT’S LOUDER THAN A KAZOO ORCHESTRA IN A TIN CAN, NOT THIS WET NOODLE OF DECEIT!
GO CHASE RAINBOWS, NOT RED FLAGS DRESSED AS “OOPSIE-DAISIES”! HER LIES ARE STICKIER THAN A GUM WAD ON A HOT PARK BENCH—DON’T SIT IN IT, KING! 👑💥🚫🦑

[Tomisworthless]

@Lowly_Grumper I can do without porn. Just need girlfriend (s). Or wives and concubines, cause the whole sex before marriage

[Rosexøxø]

Present what you think is suspicious to a therapist who will be able to confirm or deny if this is just jumping to conclusions, paranoia on your part, or her mannerism prove abnormal and resemble someone hiding, or a potential cheater. This is all I can say. Or you can fall back on the wish/shein/temu version by asking friends family/ anyone else you trust who may not have the expertise to back it up, but would at least have good intentions for you POSSIBLY and know you and her well enough to give some extra insight/perspective.

Best to you!

[trumpetplayerforlife]

Sounds like you need out if you can't be honest with each other it will never end well... coming from someone who has been cheated on and have had lots of trust issues my husband has always been very honest with me and told me where he was going and has never given me a reason not to trust him and he's helped me through my issues not caused more

[Finchie40]

She already broke the trust you both shared together , so you are best to kick her to the curb because she clearly only cares about what’s best for herself , if she truly loved you and valued you her ex wouldn’t even be in the picture period. Do yourself a favor man and dump her lying cheating ass

[natanzuelo]

It’s completely valid to feel uneasy after being lied to, especially about something as significant as her ex. Trust is fundamental in a relationship, and once it's broken, it's hard to rebuild. While insecurities might play a role, her actions have caused legitimate doubt. It’s important to talk openly with her about how you feel. If she’s genuinely remorseful and willing to rebuild trust, it could work, but if you continue to feel uncertain, it might be a sign to reassess the relationship. Trust your instincts.

[RingOfFire]

I think that the probability of being able to reliably trust someone after they lie to you depends on the nature of the lie.

I'd say lying about hanging out with your ex is probably one of the most egregious lies you can tell someone in a relationship and therefore there is a very high probability that she cannot be trusted.

With that in mind you have to make your own decision.

It's one thing if someone lies about eating the last slice of cake. But quite another if they lie about their relationship with an ex.

[IslaTheWitch]

was she right? would you argue if you knew?

you know... there are no "ifs" whether you trust her or not...

it depends on your relationship boundaries...

in my case... my man is fully aware from the very beginning that I don't care whom he meets as long as I know about it and as long as they don't touch each other :D

oh, we can discuss exceptions... :D

[barney]

While insecurities may play a role, the fact that she hid it for a month is concerning. If she’s truly remorseful and willing to work on rebuilding trust, it might be worth addressing. However, if you continue to feel uncertain, it’s okay to reconsider the relationship. Trust should always be mutual.

[david]

It’s understandable to feel betrayed when trust is broken, especially with something as serious as lying about seeing her ex. While insecurities might play a part, the fact remains that trust was violated. If she’s truly sorry and willing to rebuild that trust, it’s worth talking through. However, if you feel like the pattern will continue, it might be time to reassess. Trust is crucial.

[lightbulb27]

because she doesn't trust herself... maybe she's not moved on, that happens.

is safe to say there is something wrong with most people and you decide if this is something you can manage through to the other side.

the problem is how much you can suffer, that's why your alarm is on.

[Vevv123]

That’s a fair reason to break up, honestly. Her ex… I was involved with a recurring liar, and sometimes you can be blinded, wanting to see things in a positive light. However, sit down and think about the extent to which you should be willing to go to actually meet up with an ex while you’re in a relationship.

[genericname85]

well if she's straight up lying to your face, that's definitely not "your insecurities". that's her being dishonest and untrustworthy. and the fact that she "didn't wanna argue" means that while she's lying to you, she also doesn't wanna fix it. tbh just from what you said, that sounds like a girl i wouldn't waste any more time on.

[Ariesman81]

If they don't have a child together then bounce. She's guilt tripping you for having boundaries and standards... she trash. If she knew you'd argue about it she knew you wouldn't like it. And she did it anyway. Either get use to being disrespected or move on.

[Lynx122]

I'd move on. If she truly liked you she wouldn't be doing this to you. If you stay with her she'll keep you around but always look for other options. It's not insecurity when she's actually seeing other men.

[AnonAndrew]

Ask yourself this: was she right? If she had told you straight up that she hung out with her ex, would you have reacted badly?

If the answer is yes, then the issue is you.

Then the issue is no, then she might see you as immature.

[PeachyPie93]

Dump her, she should not be hanging out with her ex and hiding it from you. Plus the fact she won't talk it out shows guilt..

[dovey234]

if i find out that my man is seeing his ex, trust is definitely gone bcs an ex is an ex. for a reason. u can't just hang out with them yk? and then continue to hide that is such a red flag!!

[Nikki1989]

Hanging with her ex should never be a problem, but hiding it from you is reason enough to be concerned.

[HungTexan]

Sounds like you’re paranoid! You’re either confident in the relationship, and trust her, or not.

[UnwantedScorpio]

If I had a cheated boyfriend which I don’t I want to do something like catch them the start cheating and be like oh I did not see this coming I’m done with you and possibly shame her

[KittygosMeoWW]

Yeah no that’s not ok a partner that loves will reassure you… I don’t see the need for her to hangout with an ex unless they have kids

[In_Trance]

You should both take a year off and be single and fix yourselves because it doesn't seem like you're ready to be in a relationship

[KrakenAttackin]

Trust your instincts.

[Twalli]

You can't trust her, she lied.

[Crazzyyworld]

She is simply a bad girl period

[Anonymous]

You're not going to trust her again. Move on.

[MikeRJ]

I would have trouble trusting her as well.

[Priya99999]

Girls don't cheat on a real man

[Miristheiss]

You cannot.