Is it worse if a partner apologizes for the same thing repeatedly than no apology at all?

[Anonymous]

Inspired by someone else's question about men that don't apologize, what about someone that keeps apologizing for the same thing, only to repeat the same behavior the next month or so.

Then you really don't believe them anymore on the 3rd time. I used to have a past boyfriend like that. Frankly, I think someone that apologizes repeatedly but shows no real changes/improvements in the long-run (aka actions) is worse to me. It can even mean they're not even being sincere at all. At least if someone doesn't apologize, you know they're jerks. But if someone apologizes and repeats the same thing over and over, what does that tell you? Can that also be just as bad and worse than no apology at all?

[Anonymous]

A few years ago I had these two people as a couple in the college dorms actually doing an apology thing frequent with his girlfriend & she does it back to him. Like little things….

”Oh I forgot to get your ___, I’m sorry”. They were just forgetful and understood each other like that ig.

Honestly depends on context, intent, etc. Like being clumsy / being forgetful you really can’t get better at it other than coping strategies.

Also no apology isn’t the end of the world either if done like this, because they’ve done it so many times they know. At least from what I could tell. Depends on the bond with the partner, how it is done, and the exact context for each situation….

[Cormac995]

Depends on what they're apologizing for.

[Asker]

If they're apologizing for starting arguments, not putting effort into the relationship, being tardy, etc. Then you see no improvement, just words.

[Cormac995]

Then no dump the fucker and stop wasting your time with someone who is clearly taking you for granted. If he's not being a boyfriend, he doesn't deserve you as a girlfriend. If he's not putting effort into the relationship, starting arguments and being late and refuses to change his behavior after multiple comments than he's not mature, empathetic or honorable enough to date anyone. You're wasting your time with him especially if you hit the point where you're having sex.

If you're not bothering with the romance but still want the sex, you're basically reducing a woman to a living fleshlight which is disgusting. Someone I used to think was my best friend actually went out with a girl he knew I loved and was a total duche about it too. He told me "I'm going to do it." not "Are you ok with this?" not I'm sorry will you be ok." it was "I'm going to." Basically, "Fuck your feelings."

[Cormac995]

I'd have lied and said yes, he could go out with her because I found out she liked him, and I wanted her to be happy and I still did even though I was completely shattered and had a mental breakdown. I told him word for word. "I just want her to be happy, promise me you'll take care of her." and he said he would.

Then I had to deal with watching the two of them in front of me when we were all gathered with our friends and the woman had strung me along for six months! I spent more nights than not even on school days I was getting called at 8-10 pm and staying on the phone until 2-3 AM in the mourning listen to her cry and vent and calm and sooth her.

I did everything I could to be supportive because she was my first love, and she confessed to him at my birthday party, and I later found out she'd bee into him for at least 3 of the months I was pining after her if not the whole time. My friend did keep his promise either and once they started having sex, he basically ditched all her emotional needs and as soon as she brought it up and wanted to talk about it, he dumped her. It felt like I spent six months helping her piece her life together so he could just break her again. He broke her heart, and he broke his promise to me to take care of her.

When men want woman to act like girlfriends, but they don't want to act like a boyfriend that's the kind of disgusting things that people like him do because they're selfish narcissistic and only care about themselves. That's the kind of guy your "Boyfriend" sounds like to me and as you can see, I speak from personal experience. I highly recommend you bail because if this is repeated behavior this is the kind of guy he's being to you and that's not right.

[Asker]

It's ok. He's been dumped several months ago. I'm just taking my time being single and will be doing a better vetting process so I don't waste my time again. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she heals. Yes narcissists are takers. They will never give and reciprocate. All they do is take and take.

[Cormac995]

Honestly, she deserved some bad Karma for what she did to me too, but I was still and am still pissed at him for what he did to her. What she did to me was as cruel if not crueler than my friend but I'm willing to be more lenient with her because she hadn't been my friend very long (A little under a year)

My friend on the friend who I literally taught the alphabet to when we were kids on the other hand I never forgave. Both him and her came from abusive homes but the reason I forgave her and not him was I know she was in a lot of pain and wasn't thinking clearly but when my friend did what he did he shit on over a decade's worth of friendship and trust. It felt like a special kind of betrayal because of that.

Trust me Honor is an underrated value because people think it's old fashioned but in my opinion these days honor has never been more important. Find yourself a guy who treat's you right, pays attention and listens to you. Your right people like him are takers they're emotional leaches they're selfish and self-serving and that's a deathblow to love.

[DishLady]

It depends what the thing is. For example, if it’s something simple like the absentminded use or displacement of a thing and they apologize, ok. But if the personally intentionally leaves you off contact lists or something that’s going to impact your week, for example, that has to be addressed and permanently rectified. (There’s a difference.)

[IslaTheWitch]

any extremum is not good lol... it's like choosing between bad and worse...

the details matter tbh... if he knows what he is apologizing for (no "I'm sorry for everything") and if he shows remorse... I think a few repetitions don't hurt... but if it's just talking to satisfy his ego... then ofc... it doesn't make any sense...

[Asker]

He used to be all talk but no actions, no changes.

[IslaTheWitch]

maybe it's time to rethink who you want in your life...

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic case of broken-record apologies! 🎶 Repeated apologies without change can be a major red flag, my friend. It's like they're playing the "sorry, not sorry" card, which can feel like a form of emotional lovebombing. 💣 Actions really do speak louder than words, and if there's no real change, those apologies lose their sincerity. It's almost like they're creating an illusion of fixing things without actually doing the work. In these situations, it's crucial to evaluate if you're seeing genuine effort or just lip service. Your time and emotions are valuable, so ensure they're respected! 💕

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Constant apologies for the same issue are equivalent to putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound. It doesn’t actually solve the problem if they’re not working on changing. A refusal to apologize is just leaving it open while saying “You’re fine, stop being a baby.” Both are pretty shitty.

[serious]

Well, apology is only worth it if it is sincere and is not repeated again. Otherwise it is better not to apologize.

[dustybiker2]

If you are kind most people can be shaped to fit with us better with these little things.

[Anonymous]

It begins to show they’re not sincere about changing

[Nikki1989]

Making the same mistake over and over again is never good.

[Notherndude84]

Being overly apologetic is annoying.

[Asker]

yeah, esp if you don't see any changes at all... just empty apologetic words