My partner struggles with trust due to the past. Things are good now, but she can't let go and is struggling internally. How can I help her with this?

[Vognar]

My partner is dealing with trust issues because of past experiences. Even though things are going well now, the weight of the past keeps affecting her. She’s aware that things are better, but this internal struggle is hard for her to move past. Recently, she suggested taking a break to think things through, but I’m afraid that if we do, once she feels more at ease, she might not want to continue the relationship. I believe we can work through this together, and I don’t want to lose what we have. However, I’m unsure how to reassure her and help her overcome these doubts. It feels like it’s becoming a barrier in our relationship, and I’m wondering if professional help might be necessary to guide us through this process.

[lightbulb27]

wow at 19 she's jacked up, and you are an amazingly mature male! it's so sad what society is doing to our youth. please go to Church and start reprogramming yourselves to a better orientation to love, peace, gratitude, etc.. If not there, go somewhere to reprogram your heart...

Beyond that comment, most of the issues on this site are a simple matter of overcoming trauma:

* When she has these feelings... slow down, let the feelings and emotions come up. write them down, let them flow. it's just a feeling. write down what it originates from.

* as she gets control, look for what the truth is, what she can learn from that

As she gets vulnerable in relationship... where she got hurt last time, she likely shuts down. That's normal. So as it happens, you will have to be patient and understanding. Use deflection at times to redirect her fear to something better, like goofy dancing together.

Lastly, don't screw up and re damage that wound. It be very easy to get buddy buddy with a female, but that is likely out of the cards for you. You will have to hold strong boundaries to honor her wounds.

... PMS...

If this is something that happens periodically 'at that time of the month'... and I've seen that more than once. Then it is what it is... this is her brain and hormones. You can remain strong, listen and reassure. You can pre-plan for it coming and start doing things to make her feel better, so it isn't so bad. As well, don't do things that trigger her.

...

It's valentines day coming up... ahemmm... something little and sweet does the trick. know her and what she likes.

Welcome to the world of loving a broken person, including yourself...

[Vognar]

Do you think this situation will lead to a breakup? Even though I make an effort and try to help as much as I can, I am sure of my love for her. She's struggling internally, and I understand that. However, I’m doing my best to show her that I love her and understand her. She is aware of this too. This situation is more about her internal anxieties, right? I haven’t made any mistakes, and she even pointed this out. That's why she said she can't end it—she can't let go. In short, as long as I keep trying and putting in the effort, do you think this situation will lead to a breakup?

[lightbulb27]

Yes she was either hurt by someone else, has family traumas regarding security/vulnerability, or she jus isn't ready for serious relationship emotionally (because of unknowns).
It certainlly can. we all have our breaking points and limits of what we can handle. It takes two to be 'engaged'. LOTS of couples run into issues and this is reality, noone is perfect. But they have to be open and willing to work on themselves. Otherwise, it's death by 1000 pin pricks and you'll have to have the strength of a saint to endure.
There is risk of her running to another guy whom is crapola for her, but feels comforatble to her. I dont' know her, but I've seen that. It depends on her family environment. Reailze... you two matched up for a reason... and that is the value in this... that you challenge her emotionally to overcome her internal shame and fear... negative emotions.
Girls are tough sometimes (as are guys). I would look to this issue, but as well the underlying values and morales. I'd look to the family and personality traits and determine if that is something you can handle and LIKE. If you can't like those, you won't like your kids (combination of your brain and hers), and life may be challenging /stressful and you'll more be looking at pulling the plug, learning what you can. As it is from what I read, I'd give it some time to see if this really a good match for you.
So yes... without some acceptance on her part, it results in breakup imho. I would... if there was no effort. Even if there was effort, I'd consider it. It depends on the other aspects... personality fit, etc..
You are young, lots of time to 'date'. in doing so, you learn about yourself, what you need and fit well with and what is too much for you. None of us have infinite emotional strength so a good emotional match is important... not necessarily the same, but someone that complements you well in strengths/weakness, works with you as you learn to sovle problems together and enjoy life together.

[HawkPerception]

My advice... leave her. It's not your job to fix her. You can't. She needs to do it herself.

A suggestion of a break usually comes from a place of immaturity and not knowing what one wants in life.

[DishLady]

It's not something that you can solve for her. She needs to work through her own trauma or stress and get to the root cause of her trust issues in order to overcome it. Even taking a break won't solve the issue. She needs to be strong enough to face it.

And if she can't it's not fair to keep you jogging in place waiting for her to get with the fucking program and trust you.

I know a couple (a bit older than me) whose relationship was defined by HER traumatic experience with sexual and physical assault. It defined everything about them to the point that they (both military trained) got into a small argument and she drew a weapon on him out of sheer terror that he would use force on her, which he never did.

It took years and years of therapy and then marital therapy to "deprogram" her from her issues and to recognize that her husband loved her.

[Altheavas]

I don’t know what she’s going through, if I reflect on myself. I’m in the same situation. From a woman perspectives take what’s functional to you and her.


I would ask him to be

• Patient with me
• Gentle with me
• Supportive of me
• Don’t leave me doubting
• Don’t leave me guessing
• Be transparent with me
• My safe place
• Be my protector
• Be silly, goofy, enjoy life with me!
• Do activities and learn fun things together
• Learn my communicative languages even if I don’t say a word, don’t assume
• Be considerate of me
• Be intentional and decisive with me

In time my walls will collapse, and I’d want to hold you tight and not want to let go!

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love's rollercoaster! 🎢 It's great that you're committed to supporting her through this. Trust is like a plant; you've got to water it with patience. Let her express her feelings and validate them without trying to fix it all right away. Creating a safe space for her emotions invites healing. A gentle lovebombing of reassurance can remind her of the magic between you two. Consider suggesting couples therapy; a pro might help untangle those past knots. Stay positive, and remember, the heart knows its way! 💖

[NordicInScandinavia]

Professional help is something I'd suggest but at the same time: it is no magical solution. Didn't fix me, but did give me and my partner tools to deal with my dark periods.

[Nikki1989]

That is a hurdle most, if not all, women have to get over at some point. She will get there, you just need to be patient with her.

[noohair]

The only person you have any chance of fixing is yourself. She probably needs professional help with this.

[HelpfulWoman]

THER. A. PYYYYYYY