What would you do if your boyfriend got mean during alcoholic blackouts? Do you think he is an alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has had 2 DUI before he met me (in one scenario he was not driving actually but sitting in the car with a drink) and has to do all these classes etc has a breathalyzer. He drinks one beer every single day but I have noticed if he has another drink and half of liquor etc (does not take much to get him inebriated is my point) he is at risk of blacking out, he has gotten blacked out 5+ times over the past 3 months of me knowing him. One of the times he went into his house to find his vape and then just fell asleep so I waited outside for an hour then went to return his stuff to the front door that he abandoned in the car when I realized he may be asleep. During a few of the blackouts, he has gotten angry with me. Also side note he is diagnosed w bipolar and takes lexapro which is NOT to be mixed w alcohol as it can cause severe mood swings (I have made him aware of this).

When he gets drunk he will get really mad at me for stuff I have done in the past aka staying mad at how often I brought his ex up but thats cus they followed each other on instagram for a long while of us dating (despite the fact she cheated on him in their home they had together) and she was still sending him reels periodically and I was uncomfy even tho he stopped responding shortly after meeting me. The last episode we went to hangout w his friends at this roller rink at night, I asked if he was ok because he was walking stumbly and he got pissed at me and then said we are leaving, then outside started to call me a bitch, cunt, and screamed "fuck you" at me while literally running away even though I was asking him not to cus it was dark outside in this huge lot and I could not find the car. He has talked to me like this 3 other blackouts then later apologized. I then found him slumped on the floor against a wall outside the rink and he was like "take me the fuck home" then passed out in the car and did not remember anything the next day. Would you dump him?

[Anonymous]

Lmao so your describing a drunk alcoholic to a T.

He is a drunk flat out your just ignoring that part of him. He is a mean drunk drinking every day...

You dump him and get someone who does not have 2 duis! Who won't dink and get pissed at you for no reason!

For any of your descriptions I'd dump him or just not keep dating him. Don't wait for him to rape you!

[Asker]

thank you for not judging me for sticking around and giving me detailed input it means a lot to me he has me convinced I'm the problem, he currently has given me an ultimatum because I have caused little issues in daily life he says. we have not had sex in two weeks because of his lexapro, after a whole week went by and we did not due to arguing/his reduced drive, I started to complain to him about the lack of sex and he got annoyed at how often I brought it up so it led into 2 weeks because he was then annoyed and did not want to but he got mad at me for bringing it up again the other night and was like "stop talking or were breaking up" cus he was annoyed I brought it up yet again and while I understand how annoying that is, what I do not understand is that he blew up on me and dumped me mid argument just to say he doesn't want to be broken up but wants to think about if this relationship is what he wants lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah he is the issue a good couple could talk about that!
He is very manipulative into making you believe it's your fault when it's clearly his!

He wants a submissive beatable wife your to strong of a women for him! Run fast

[Asker]

isn't it insane that he could call me last night for 40 mins to tell me about his car he's working on, joking and laughing with me like normal (all while wanting space by the way) and the second I said do you wanna hangout tomorrow? he snapped into a different mood and was like "i dont know if im going to want to hangout tomorrow ill do it when im ready i need to think if this relationship is what i want" what the fuck right? I feel like I should be the one questioning if HE is what I want. and today he has been cold to me i texted him saying i hope he's having a great day and he couldnt even be bothered to text i love you back until I texted it again.

[Opinion Owner]

Yuck you should be like it's over wasting 40 minutes talking about his dumb car! Probably buzzed and drunk.

If he texts just say it's not a relationship throw his words in his face!
Bet he is waiting till he is horny till he even wants to try being a couple.
Sounds like he wants friends with benefits till he has issues with your good attitude.
Gross 🤢

[DishLady]

I’d you’re seriously asking this question and not just providing a dramatic narrative then bottom line is that you’re both nuts.

[Asker]

sadly a watered down/short version of what happened. i dont want to give up on someone I love and tried to justify his behavior "oh this doesn't happen that often, i'm being dramatic" these responses are eye opening

[Stevepro68]

Definition of an abuser is someone who uses physical emotional or psychological violence against another. Sober or not. Alcoholics are people who continue to drink despite having massive negative impacts on their life. Run away from a violent alcoholic. There are way way to many issues here fixing one will not fix the other. Both put you at risk..

[Asker]

you think him screaming fuck you at me/running away while flipping me off was violent and his language? it felt surreal honestly, its hard because I love him but I have seen this happen other times when he drinks and gets mad at me for things from the past and says things like you did this now you have to hear me complain and i just dont think its fair. by the way, i complained to him too many times apparently that we have not had sex in weeks (reduced drive to lexapro, haven't seem him everyday due to nursing school etc) and he just got mad at me for it and broke up with me on the spot and blocked me just to unblock me an hour later acting like we did not end and telling me he loves me but HE needs to think "if this relationship is something he wants" is that abusive or am i just crazy/being dramatic?

[Stevepro68]

Calling you crazy and dramatic is part of the love hate cycle that abusers use to keep you around. It will spiral more and more to keep you believing you are the problem. Get away from this person it will not end well for you.

[Asker]

noted, this is eye opening. also isn't it insane that he could call me last night for 40 mins to tell me about his car he's working on, joking and laughing with me like normal (all while wanting space by the way) and the second I said do you wanna hangout tomorrow? he snapped into a different mood and was like "i dont know if im going to want to hangout tomorrow ill do it when im ready i need to think if this relationship is what i want" what the fuck right? I feel like I should be the one questioning if HE is what I want.

[Stevepro68]

Abusers aren't good functioning people they recognize weakness in others. Codependent personality insecurities. They are like spiders. They make it all look pretty and dismiss and gaslight their partners when they screw up and reveal their true nature. But it's all deception. Until they have divided you from everyone and everything in life. Till you are completely stuck in their web. Then and only then do you see the real them. But it's too late you are stuck. There is no good reason for violence ever. Not alcohol not frustrations not abuse from others, and not anything you do. They are broken but they are often charming and charismatic. Like a spider they are also deadly.

[Finchie40]

You are best to run the other way girl , you will be digging your own grave if you choose to stay with someone like that. He needs a lot of help and sadly he will make your life a living hell. Run !!

[PeachyPie93]

He is an alcoholic.. that is how they behave.. Dump him..

[DryGermanGuy]

I'm not a militant teetotaler, but I refuse to associate with alcoholics.

[Abbycado]

Yeah, I would drop that type of person like a bad habit.

[Anonymous]

ONE blackout is an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

I would break up with him.