Should I tell my boyfriend that we will be in close proximity to someone I have hooked up with before?

[Anonymous]

Almost a decade ago, I had a “fling” with one of my brother’s friends. It lasted like two weeks. Obviously my brother doesn’t know. Anyway, my boyfriend and I will be in the same vicinity as the old fling this weekend as it’s a family get together and he and my brother are still great friends. Should I say something or keep my mouth shut? He’s said before that he doesn’t want to know about stuff like that. And I wouldn’t want to know either.

[Finchie40]

Don’t tell him , especially if he doesn’t want to know about your past flings or relationships. Even though you feel it’s the right thing to do , it’s sometimes best not to say anything at all , just keep your distance from your fling and make him aware that you have a boyfriend , if he tries to get close to you. Don’t disrespect your boyfriend in anyway. Understand your past is your past , so leave it there. Tell your fling to not say a word because you really like your boyfriend and don’t want to ruin what you have together. There is no reason to make your boyfriend jealous , cuz I guarantee he would get jealous if he finds out you fooled around with your fling in the past. If your boyfriend isn’t asking you those questions then you are best to keep your mouth shut lol

[OlderAndWiser]

Why are you even asking this question? It sounds as if you already have an answer that feels comfortable and easy for you.

[Asker]

I have no idea. Sometimes I just like validation from strangers.

[PeachyPie93]

Leave it alone especially you never even let your brother know after all this time and this guy specifically said he doesn't want to know these things. So forget about it and don't bother your boyfriend with useless information that would probably annoy him.

[Asker]

It would definitely annoy him. And if he found out, he would probably think about it constantly whenever we’d be around him since that would happen often. The guy is my brother’s great friend.

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah but if your brother never found out after all this time I doubt your boyfriend would. Tho why do you care so much about it? Do you still hold feelings for your brothers friend? Since it happened years ago it shouldn't even cross your mind..

[Asker]

Not at all. I just still have guilt for the person I was. If I wasn’t like that back then, I wouldn’t even feel this way.

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah but just let it go because he doesn't want to know especially if he is friends with your brother and his friend. Never trying to get rid of guilt by dumping it on someone it may hurt, that is your burden to carry it since you did it.

[PeachyPie93]

*Never try

[Asker]

That’s a really good point. Thank you.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic "fling in the family" scenario! 😄 Given that it was years ago and your boyfriend has expressed not wanting to know about past escapades, it might be wise to let sleeping dogs lie. If everything is cool with the brother's friend and there's no lingering love or awkwardness, it could be smoother to enjoy the family event without opening up that can of worms. Sometimes a little mystery adds spice to the relationship! 😉 Just remember to flash that charming smile and focus on making new memories together.

[jahaims]

That's what happens when you have no self respect.

[Asker]

No argument there! I was young and dumb.

[BarryLiverstone]

How long have you known your boyfriend?

[Asker]

A year

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s a borderline situation. If you are still casually dating and haven’t been exclusive then best to keep quiet. Has marriage been discussed at all?

[Asker]

Yes, we just moved in together

[BarryLiverstone]

I’d lean towards telling him. Because the risk you run is your boyfriend funds out from someone else. Even if it’s not intentional that could hurt trust.

Reverse the situation. What at the get together a stranger comes up and hugs him, then later on someone gets drunk and mentions he had sex with that person? How would you feel

[BarryLiverstone]

Like if you told him now that 10 years ago (before you even met him and when you were a diff person) you had a casual fling, how would he react?

[Asker]

To be honest, I think he’d wonder why I even told him in the first place. Because then every time after that if the guy is around, that’s all he’ll think about. For no reason.

[BarryLiverstone]

Or he would feel like he trusts you and knows that it’s not a big deal. That you are honest with him and love him

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m just saying it’s a gamble. And it sounds like if you are going to be living with him that it’s serious. He should be mature enough to know you are attractive and have a past; yet love him today. It’s not like you cheated on him

[Asker]

He should be, I just feel like it’ll be extra stress for no reason. Plus, we live in another town than my parents. So it’s not like these run ins will be often.

[BarryLiverstone]

Then don’t tell him.. just be prepared if he ever finds out that he may feel betrayed that you failed to give him a heads up. That’s why I said it’s a gamble but you know better than us randos online

[Asker]

If he found out I wanted to just say that he didn’t want to know these things. Every so often I think about this situation.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes when you all started dating he didn’t wanna know. It’s been a year, it’s worth it checking in again and seeing if he still wants to never know. Wants charge over time in a relationship

[Asker]

You’re right. We kind of glazed over the topic during Christmas and he said he knows there’s guys before him but he doesn’t want to know.

[BarryLiverstone]

As guys we at times like to play the role of hero and protector. Maybe he was telling the truth and maybe not. he's your man so you know when he’s being honest and when he’s saying something to keep the peace

[Asker]

I know for a fact he hates me talking about any other man

[fish5505_87]

Leave it alone then.

[Chargirllll]

Pm me