Is it normal to text your female supervisor/ this much? Why has boyfriend been deleting messages for two years with me completely unaware of her?

[Anonymous]

I asked my boyfriend almost three years ago if this woman worked at his job because someone told me some things about this woman, not good things either. I just asked if he knew her. He said “if she works there she must work on the other side of the plant, because I’ve never seen her, or talked to her.” It was just a simple question then I let it go. Then in summer of 2024, me and boyfriend and our son went to a creek that he went to growing up. A woman shows up with kids and husband to swim. She starts talking to us and eventually says “hey!” I remember you!” Remember me, and Chelsea at work!” “We used to hang out all the time at work!” He didn’t answer her comment, just changed the subject. I left it alone for what reason I don’t know. I just found these messages the other day and confronted him about. He tried lying saying “that’s not her” all the supervisors share one phone.” She’s the only actual supervisor. Each supervisor has their own phone if there was more than one working there, which is not the case because there is only one on south, and one on north which is her. He has made sure to hide these the whole time from me. Notice how more professional he’s texting her when he’s at home vs at work, just in case I was too see. He lied the whole time and said his supervisor was mike. I used to work there when I was 19. That’s how me and him met. The supervisors always approached me, never texted. I need urgent advice on this.

[meetkitty123]

The only thing I see disturbing here is the fact that you took his phone and actually shared real text messages on the Web.

At first some of the names were blocked out but eventually you left actual names out in the open. Now everyone here knows your boyfriend name and that of his co-workers.

All you need is for someone to recognize this and your boyfriend can be in some serious issues for work related things being on a public site.

Shame on you.

You may not need to worry much longer about staying with him or not because this type on privacy invasion will definitely have him dumping you fast!

The way you are so impulsive to put his private work stuff on the web tells me exactly why he lied to you... Because you take things too far and without thinking about you actions before doing it.

Even his actions of pretending he didn't know the woman at the creek can be explained as him trying to avoid you overreacting.

Clearly he knows you are the jealous and suspicious type and he is trying to avoid situations where you may do something rash.

Another thing to consider too is if he and this woman were having an affair she would have NEVER approached him in front of her own kids and husband.

Quite frankly there is nothing in these text that indicate an affair. These text are work related.

I cannot say whether or not supervisors share phones at his job but I know at my job this is true. We never know which supervisor we are texting because it all depends on who is scheduled.

You need to reconsider your actions. It's one thing to spy on him and Snoop in his phone it's totally different to post his private conversations on the web!

Honestly if you were my partner I would end the relationship with you due to this behavior! Your behavior is the main red flag I see here!

If you truly feel is is cheating on you then do the reasonable thing and break it off with him!

Or come clean and directly ask him. Only a calm and open conversation will help you in this situation.

[Asker]

It’s kind of hard to talk to someone when they walk away from everything and constantly lie and manipulate you. I think narcs need to be exposed for putting their partner through pain for years with no repercussions. They think it’s a sick twisted game all the while you are suffering. I’ve kept my mouth shut for years. Unless you have ever been in a relationship like this you don’t understand. I could expose all the things he has done and really ruin his reputation. The only person that doesn’t agree with looking when you have a valid reason is just as twisted as the person doing Ill intent. Tell me why a couples are intimate with every other aspect in their life, but as soon as you look in their phone when you have a legitimate reason it becomes a sin, all the while they are lying to your face for years?

[Asker]

He’s literally tried to hook up with women behind my back before. So save it. Stop trying to justify his actions.

[Asker]

That wasn’t the same woman….. it was the woman that Knows the other woman my boyfriend is talking too smh…..

[Asker]

And I’m sorry I’m not going to take someone’s comment seriously when they have almost bare ass pictures on girl asks guys website.

[Lilbit84]

Seems like dejavu to me. I had a ex do this to me and then he lie. He was a supervisor and she was applying for management and the day of the test she was to take he showed up wishing her good luck and told me his meeting was in a diff town at the time her test was. Where he worked they all used the same app and could relay to management complaints from the cx and who didn't show up and etc... But then there was a private message section she used to do it back forth all times of the night. When he got fired from there they then continued on their personal phones. So after me finding out it was bye bye sucka. Lol there was no reason for them to message no more. Shouldn't have been in the first place really. Then hide it at that
Girl get you diff man or be single. Shoot I love it I don't have to worry about trifling dude and females for that matter no more. Trust is hard to fix you will always have that thought weather he lying or hiding something. best wishes re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[Summeroflove]

If someone’s hiding things it’s never a good sign and I think you’re onto something. Many times also narcissists have to show you what they’re doing to you, but gaslight, as well as leave a level of plausible deniability. To break down your reality it’s a sick game they play. Of wanting you to know what they’re doing but question your own reasoning. They feel like you’re too stupid to figure it out and too weak to stand up for yourself therefore you deserve it. But you’re not stupid and you’re not weak you’re a empathetic person who wanted to see the best in him.

You already seem to know that this woman has some integrity and morality issues as well as if your boyfriends a opportunist it’s very possible something’s going on. If he’s hiding things, being overtly defensive, as well as not communicating. You know there’s something going on to what degree I don’t know. But something.

The worst part is with cheaters is the first time they cheat they’re good at hiding it and covering it up. Many times and this is painful but once you caught them once they have done it many times. Unless they are just really sloppy or you’re really observant.

You’re noticing weird things because it is very questionable. Things that could have a innocent exclamation but could also have a more nefarious one. That’s the hardest thing is not knowing for sure but if I was you. I would decide if this relationship is even worth it. Cheating or not. Communication sucks and you seem miserable imagine being married to someone like this…

[Hobobobo]

What I see in your question doesn't seem like a big issue. It's nothing that shouldn't be able to be discussed.

But then I read the comments and your responses. It seems like there is a total unwillingness to discuss concerns you have about the relationship. That is a HUGE problem. Almost any problem can be fixed if both work together to talk and understand one another and be honest and vulnerable. Actually, just doing that prevents a majority of problems from even beginning.

But the fact he seems to be avoiding discussion is a very big warning.

Also, the lie about "I want to marry you" when he has had 10 years to make that choice and still hasn't. If having a kid together wasn't enough to make him want you as a wife, it's likely nothing will be enough.

Lying to be manipulative to cover up the lie about the text messages is all kinds of bizzare and troubling.

You asked for advice. Mine is to:

1) gather your thoughts about what you want your relationship with him to be.

2) Then gather your determination to decide what you want to do if it becomes clear to you that your desires are not going to be fulfilled with him.

3) Communicate what you want from him and from your relationship together and what will change and what won't change if he does or does not meet the needs/desires you have set forth for him.

Be clear. Be concise. Be as direct as possible. It can help to first write down your thoughts to prepare better what you want to say and how you want to say it.

[Finchie40]

Well the fact that he has been hiding those messages from you and deleting them is a huge red flag that he is up to no good Also when you confronted him about it? Did he immediately give you an excuse or did he pause and then slowly answer your question a? If he immediately answered your question that’s a red flag , because it’s like he was preparing himself for it. Usually cheaters plan answers in their head just in case they get busted , because they know what they did was wrong but they do it anyways. Now that he knows you are on to him , he is going to be more sneaky and is going to make it harder for you to bust him , So it’s up to you if you want to wait and see if he slips again or just throw in the towel and move on from him

[Asker]

He paused because he didn’t know that I actually found the messages, then tried lying about it, saying it wasn’t just her in the messages, and that other supervisors shared the same phone. He started acting uneasy, and scared I was going to leave him, kind of like a child when they get caught. Then he Said “I want to marry you.” “I like my life with you.” We’ve been together 10 years and have a son. The last time marriage was brought up is because I brought it up to him a couple years ago. He only brought it up because he wanted to distract me and calm down from the situation.

[Finchie40]

Yea that’s shady big time , it’s your life and your choice , but if I was you , I wouldn’t marry him whatsoever, he is using marriage as an excuse for his selfish behavior

[SteveSmith1985]

I take no pleasure in telling you this. The is no doubt that he has been cheating. I'm sorry.

There is just nothing in the world, that would explain any of his lies on its own. Put together, there is no doubt. You know it already. I'm going to confirm that for you.

As for advice; that's a lot more difficult. It depends on your own personal views on what's acceptable to you.

I have extremely strong feelings about cheating. I am always inclined to tell people to not put up with it. That is what I believe. I couldn't ever put up with it.

I realize though, that in many situations there are practical reasons it's not as simple as saying :"get the fuck out." Mostly that you have a child together. The other obviously, is the financial reality of the situation.

I'm not sure if you were looking for advice about what to do?

if you were looking for confirmation for cheating (confirmed)

What are you inclined to do?

[DishLady]

Bc he’s a dbag with avoidant tendencies who doesn’t want you all up in his business over some texts with his boss.


Normally a guy would just SAY “don’t worry babe, she’s like this with everyone; it’s just her thing” however NOWADAYS bfs/gfs want phone passcodes and all kind of things to SNOOP in each other’s business, teach one another’s phones, etc.


If you DON’T TRUST the guy, just move on. Don’t make yourself crazy over one person.

[IslaTheWitch]

if he lied to you talk to him

present your perspective, how YOU feel about it, how YOU think about it...
DON'T USE "you" word... "when I saw," or "when I heard," you are talking about YOURSELF only
then ask him about his perspective... DON'T judge... his emotions or thoughts are not for you to judge... listen to it and try to see it through his eyes
when you both are aware of thoughts and feelings of each other... try to set up boundaries for the relationship that will satisfy both of you...

proper communication is the key...

[Asker]

I’ve tried doing this before and he either walks away, or is silent, or flips out on me.

[IslaTheWitch]

it's time to think of changing the boyfriend, then...

[Lokiion]

then break up

[Blunky]

I can only speak from my experience as a paramedic supervisor.

People grow very close at work. I can guarantee your relationship has come up in his discussions at work with other women, and usually in the form of venting. I rarely see people at work talk about their relationships in a favorable manner because people in good relationships tend to be focused on other things. The people in bad relationships kind of bond over it and, well, sometimes things have lead to affairs and sometimes integrity kicks in and they can no longer work together. Either way, this level of comfort is a sign of a lack of boundaries or not respecting them.

[Asker]

They get comfortable at work because they spend more time with coworkers than they do their spouse. They only get the fun part, and jokes at work. No actual real responsibility’s when they are associating with these women/men. No hardships or down falls. If they spent half as much time giving this attention to their spouse , instead of these other women/men maybe their lives at home would be better. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has talked about me, and lied. Or maybe she didn’t even know about me, but I highly doubt that because for some reason she added my sister on Facebook awhile back.

[Blunky]

Yeah, pretty much guaranteed she knows who you are. I'm sure he's getting "advice" from her as well with that kind of dynamic. I often had people vent about their relationships to me and I made the mistake of obliging a few times. More often than not, the ones doing the venting at work were the problem and I can't look at them the same way again. Now I just respond with "Have you talked to your partner about this?". Usually the answer is "no" because they become different people at home in a weird opposite fashion rather than being themselves. I don't want to get involved in issues at home anymore. That's each individual's responsibility and a lot of it usually doesn't make sense as there's a clear side to choose. Had someone on my shift that would constantly vent about her boyfriend and he even threw her through a glass door. She's still with him. I stop caring about her complaining after that.

[overlord337645]

he sounds very minipulative and smart the fact that he is nervous says he is hideing something and that begs the question why are there mispellings with come and what is an f-test those sound like they could be used to hide something they are trying to communicate id suggest you do a little more digging before makeing a choice and you need to be upfront when you ask my main advice is this tell him your gonna ask him something and if you even think he is lying your gonna leave him then ask him what you need to if he is minipulative he will try and change subjects or appear overly nervous if not he has nothing to worry bout

[RedInnocent69]

While some of the texts are, odd, they do seem work related. I doubt there’s anything sus going on between them, but he does seem like an unprofessional, unreliable twat who should likely get sacked. Still, that he works closely with/for an attractive girl may not be something you advertise to your girlfriend, but it’s also not something you cover up. There’s inevitable work socials, run ins around town, etc. That he’s not transparent and hiding her suggests there’s at least a desire going on in his mind, like he’s warming the bench with her as a prospective side chick, but I expect it’s just that… in his mind. Still you need to set the boundary - I’m not telling you not to text your boss, but you can’t lie about it or pretend she doesn’t have a vagina, what gives?

[Asker]

She called him at 2: 00 A•M• a couple years ago on her regular phone before she was a supervisor. Most likely something already happened between them. I don’t know if she knew about me or what, but she lied and said it was the wrong number, she definitely was acting malice when I was speaking to her.

[RedInnocent69]

Fair. He’s definitely got some kind of issue…

[Nikki1989]

It is very unprofessional. Texting is banned where I work.

[Asker]

Yeah it’s funny you say that because when I worked there, the supervisors approached me only when I worked there, unless there was a level three. That’s the only time supervisors would text us. I heard it’s more strict there now so it makes zero sense.

[worldscolide]

It's freaking weird, why hide those, there is literally nothing in there that I've seen that is worth hiding. I can't say he is cheating on you, but I find it awful weird that he is deleting messages and hiding them from you.

On that same token, I delete messages from coworkers on the regular, regardless of gender. I don't like clutter. But I also don't hide them.

[Asker]

Well she called him a couple years ago at 2:00 A. M. on her regular phone. I let it go for some reason thinking she called wrong number. Or deep down I did no but stupidly looked the other way.

[worldscolide]

Yeah that seems inappropriate. I don't take calls from anyone other than my wife at that our.

[worldscolide]

Hour**

[Asker]

Know* Any man that loves and values his relationship/spouse wouldn’t, you are right.

[worldscolide]

Agreed, the only time I take calls at that hour that aren't my wife, is when I'm on call (long story short, once every three months for two weeks I'm on call 24x7, which SUCKS).. what ever is going on I hope you get it sorted.

[David318578]

There is 2 options for him deleting them

He is saying and or doing things that you wouldn't like.

Or

You are the jealous type to the point of being insane and he doesn't want to deal with all the drama just from work interactions

[JesseP1nk]

What deleted messages? Did i miss them? If they were cheating would she come up with kids and husband and say "I remember you" ? And looking those messages... those are random work related shit and look when those messages were sent (the dates) - like every 2 weeks... sorry but you are reaching

[Asker]

If you look close you will be able to see what I’m talking about. She’s single l, and has called him on her regular phone in the middle of the night before.

[lightbulb27]

Those communicstikns are not professional, person in black text bad attitude… although in pain… i never talked like that. boyfriend seems to lie ir deceive. Trust… not.

[Asker]

He’s cussing at her because he feels comfortable doing so, which is a way of flirting in his eyes. I never once felt comfortable talking like that to a supervisor.

[Zoe04]

It sounds like she is projecting guilt over something she is doing.

[Asker]

Me? Or the girl he is texting?

[Zoe04]

The girl that texting.

[katiesmuff]

My thoughts are that with that much distrust it's time to call it quits with him and move on.

[JustinTheGreat]

Hm. From the text messages, I don’t think there’s anything weird going on. Seems like they’re mostly about work and regular coworker banter.

however him lying about knowing her definitely raises red flags

[DrPepper12]

You need the Mystery Crew to investigate that stat. He's fishing.

[PeachyPie93]

It seems sus.. and he checks out girls in front of you so why are you with this guy? lol

[glennos89]

I believe this whole conversation is work related so I don't really see the problem

[Asker]

Then why would he lie about it more than once? She not ugly, so I don’t think it’s just professional. If you look closely it looks like there has been iMessages deleted. I forgot to mention that she called him from her actual phone number at 2 :00 A. M. in the morning 2 years ago, and I picked it up and she told me her name. I just let it go of course not wanting to be a drama queen. It makes me wonder if she did it on purpose so we would break up, or maybe he lied to her saying we weren’t together anymore.

[glennos89]

That changes everything! 2.00 am is definitely not a normal time to have a conversation with your supervisor. Definitely big red flags then!

[red324]

Who gets a pine needle in their eye? I'd be a bit concerned if my vision was blurry. I've had it where an eye was as red as a strawberry and could still see fine

[Bricealan]

@Layla_99 I do think that is suspicious and frankly not acceptable.

[TheSpaceGnome]

It seems odd to hide that since the messages seem like normal co-worker stuff.

[Staximus]

All those texts appear to be work related, I don't see what the problem is here besides the lying and evasive behavior

[PaleDale]

I'm close to my female supervisor. Not like it's romantic, though.

[Asker]

Yeah, but I doubt she calls you at two in the morning… this woman is only 4 years older than me and is attractive. Humongous difference.

[PaleDale]

Yeah, you're right, that's a huge difference

[Lynx122]

They're just talking about work stuff.

[Asker]

Then why did she call him at 2:00 AM two years ago? She lied and said it was wrong number at time when I talked to her at that time. Now she is trying to deny it completely that she never called him at all.

[Jay-_-]

Probably not