How do you stop overthinking in a relationship?

Question

My man treats me so well and is so sweet but I can't help but overthink and sometimes become sad/jealous really fast and it makes me sad. 😔

I'm not mean to him when I'm like this but always when I'm sad he immediately is worried and asks if he did something meaning it probably happens a lot.

While he doesn't do anything bad, he's a really sweet boy. It's 'cause of my past that kinda left a wound (I got cheated on) which I know has nothing to do with him.

I need tips on how to stop overthinking and be the best version of myself.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I think that it's great you're able to recognize that your feelings are "irrational" (to the situation with your current boyfriend).

It's also good that you aren't "taking out" your irrational feelings on your boyfriend by say, accusing him of cheating, or expecting him to do check-ins or similar bullshit.

THAT is the real problem. When those feelings start making you say, or do things that areunfair and generally fucked-up in your current relationsip because of your past.

I don't know how recent or deep your wound is, but you can "train" yourself to get better over time. But it won't ever be totally gone. I have a similar wound, mine is much older though. I think I will
always be overlysensitive to the possibility of being cheated on. But it does get better with some time.

I think, frankly, if you have access to someone to talk to (psychologist or similar) you really should. If you're in school and it's free for example. Do it. That's the best help you'll get.

Otherwise, I think what it comes down to (If I understand the nature of what thoughts are upsetting you) is trying to stop yourself. Identify the thought.

"I am upset because It seems like he's too eager to get together with that stupid hot bitch to work on that project"

Then it's identifying why exactly it upsets you. You look at whether he really was eager, or if maybe you saw something that wasn't there. You remind yourself that you trust your man. You remind yourself that he loves you, and would never do that. You remind yourself you'll rip that bitches eyes right out of her pretty face if she tries anything with your man.

Most of all you acknowledge to yourself that you would not be upset about this, if that asshole from your past hadn't hurt you. You are only worried about this because you were hurt. It's no more likely to happen just because I"m irrationally worrying about it due to past pain.

That's what I try to do. Logic myself out of an illogical worry. It doesn't always work, but it does sometimes for sure.

Depending on the nature of your relationship, it might be worthwhile talking to your boyfriend about some of these times. He has no idea what you're actually thinking/worrying about. All he sees is his girlfriend unhappy... fairly regualarily... and had no real idea why. That can also fuck things up by making him think you're less happy in your relationship than you are. Make sure he knows he's not causing you to be sad, by doing anything wrong.

I think it sounds like you're not doing too badly handling this (really, I"ve seen some crazy shit people have tried in new relationships to guard against repeating their experience of being cheated on. you didn't do any of that. That's good)

David_beckham · Accepted Answer

There's no medicine in this world that can calm your overthinking mind on any topic. All you have to do is trust your man and think that whatever will happen will happen regardless of me overthinking.

Do the things that are in your control, like saying "I love you" or simply being there, mentally and physically, spending time together. And the things that aren't in your control, just let them be.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim here is to unravel those relationship tangles! Overthinking can be a tricky beast, especially with a sweet guy like yours. Your past experiences have left shadows, and they can creep in. Acknowledge them but don't let them reign! Communication with your guy is key; letting him know your feelings can strengthen your bond. Trust is your magic potion. So, give your heart some open space, because you've got love to rock and roll! 😘

Finchie40 · Answer

Learn to focus on yourself and not focus on what other people think or say , because when you worry about what someone else thinks or says? , you are only hurting yourself. Understand you are a beautiful person , and treat others’ the same way you like to be treated yourself , if someone is rude or disrespectful to you for no reason at all? Understand they are the problem , not you , just because you got cheated on , it doesn’t mean you are a horrible person, the person that cheated on you was the horrible person. So never change who you are as a person to appease anyone else. Someone is going to love you for you period. Your boyfriend is choosing you the same way he wants you to choose him , if your boyfriend decides to break your heart or lie and cheat on you , then he is the piece of shit , Not you. We can’t force someone to love us , all we can do is treat someone the same way we want to be treated in return , if they choose to walk away? Let them go and realize you deserve someone that wouldn’t walk away from you period , that’s when you will realize someone truly loves you and wants to be by your side until the end of time

TheRealPepperPotts · Answer

Talk to a therapist, process your stuff with them, and focus on your mental health. During those "down" moments, go for a walk every day, listen to some inspiring music, sit outside and color, etc. Include some volunteer activities and make sure you do something you enjoy every day.

Make sure you are eating healthy, not over-working out or undereating, and you might try some progesterone cream on your skin and take magnesium to help your mood and sleep (always check with a Dr. or licensed naturopath).

Set a few fun goals and work on not believing everything you think. Challenge your thoughts and ask what evidence you really have for thinking negatively. Most of the time, we're just spiraling and it's time to go do something.

Finally, let him know you are working on this, and you have a plan. If you need space, always be sure to part and reconnect with affection.

Hope this gives you a few things to try; overthinking is the worst! :)

Summeroflove · Answer

Everyone can feel that way it comes down to communicating. You been cheated on and hurt so you know how it feels I get it causes trust issues but don’t inflict that pain on him. When he asks you what’s wrong just explain how you feel and why. As well as listen to him, many people don’t communicate and it comes out in toxic ways

DishLady · Answer

There's no way to shut it off, but you should check yourself with a reminder that that was your past and this is your present. If the current guy has given you no reason to doubt him then there's no reason to doubt him.

Having said this, you should probably tell him that you're struggling with the coping mechanism from your past relationship.

HawkPerception · Answer

This is a "You" issue. I don't know what could have caused this other than picking bad partners in the past. And now you're taking it out on your current partner even though he's given you no reason to, all because of the trust issues you've developed from the past. If you want to treat him well, then just let go of the past and treat this is as a fresh relationship.

Still-alive · Answer

well first thing is to take a deep breath and realize this kinda thing is common and normal. next is to also realize that it's gonna take time to help you get over those thoughts. you might also want to inform him of ways you feel love i. e. love languages (words of affirmation, touch, quality time etc), so he knows ways to help you out.

How do you stop overthinking in a relationship?

And then also i think you might want to look up attachment theory. i think you might be in the anxious attachment style like myself. and if you feel thats true for you as well you may also want to think of what things trigger you into feeling those bad feelings. after that you can also inform him of that so he avoids unknowingly triggering them in you.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-anxious-attachment

overall communication is a big key factor here. and eventually god hoping it all works out in the end for you.

Best of luck to you!

BadApple69 · Answer

First off it’s really good you know there is a problem and you want to improve yourself. Overthinking things has its place but in relationships can be destructive.
This is a you problem… and you have identified that already. Step one complete.
Step two…. Make some changes. You can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Find some things that can add calm to your life…. Maybe yoga and or meditation. For me nature calms my mind. Take walks in the park. Alone at first and maybe you and your boyfriend ac do it together later. But first it should be just you… take in the beauty, fresh air and the sounds of nature. Calm your mind. Get happy with yourself. If you realize that you are good for him and you are good to him that he will have no reason to cheat so therefore no reason for you to be jealous. Be the best person you can be. Jealousy can destroy relationships. Don’t be that person.
The biggest thing is know that you can only control what you do so be the best person you can be.

Good luck.

OneViewpoint · Answer

In my experience A LOT of women are constantly running a narrative or multiple narratives in their heads that have nothing to do with reality. And then they'll get angry at a man for something they were day dreaming about. What if? Maybe he? What does it mean? Why doesn't he?

Meanwhile we guys are sailing through life without a care, utterly unaware you've just accused us of a crime, tried, and convicted us for the 5th time this week in your head. That shit gets old really fast. And from what I can tell it comes from massive insecurities.

It's just one of the reasons I don't want any long term relationships with a woman right now. And I certainly don't want marriage again. I can take some women in small doses. A night out with a group is fun. A night in the bedroom is fun. Friends is good. But I don't want to wake up and deal with your latest delusion on a daily basis.

It's not a me problem. It's a you problem. I don't need to be swept up in your insecurities. Life is a lot more peaceful without your drama.

Staximus · Answer

You need to react to what happens in real life and not to what happens inside your head. Think and live in the present. Only worry about problems that actually happen and not problems you are thinking about in your head. You have to get control of your thoughts and not let your mind run away with itself. When you start all your overthinking and can't stop, eat some Carolina Reaper hot sauce. I 100% guarantee you will not be overthinking about anything after that. The next time you can't stop overthinking, eat the sauce again. Sooner or later you will either learn not to overthink or you will like hot sauce.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Heal your inner heart/mind/body of the prior trauma. So that requires researching trauma therapy, re-imaging yourself being confident.

overthinking seems standard with some women and at certain times, is bound to be negative, that seems how the broken heart is.

practice some faith, like Jesus or some spiritual teaching, that puts you in a better mindset. Then you have something to put your spinning mind on rather than on your fears and doubts.

Lastly putting the fear into perspective and "talking it down". When you experience the emotion, slow it down, write it down, put reality back into it. if there is something specific, talk to him and establish something that gives you control and security.

Beckybooboo · Answer

Although I've never been cheated on, I have been there and have done that! It means you're falling in love but you are afraid. You don't wanna face the risk of getting hurt (again). I was fortunate enough to have three older brothers that have gone through a woman's irrational emotions and they let me know, they UNDERSTAND! They will distance themselves and wait for you to work it out. Then, eventually like I have done, instinct let's them know you have made a decision. I became very clingy in a way to let them know, "I have chosen you"... It may sound weird but that's how it has been for me. 😂 Guys are resilient and will wait for a girl they love...

RavVid · Answer

It is great that you have self awareness as that means you can deal with it.

I don't any of us are quite the same after being cheated on. The unbounded confidence we had in our first love remains damaged.

There is a technique which does work and I have used successfully. It is simply telling yourself mentally STOP (thinking these negative thoughts). It doesn't work immediately but it will over some time. Probably you will see some benefit in a couple of weeks and more over more time.

In our brains neurons that fire together link together and this technique helps to disrupt that. Because of this firing together we sort develop a broken record track in our brains.

Give a whirl.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

overthinking is a general thing... not only in relationship...

there are plenty of strategies but the one that works for me is "redirection" I simply redirect my thoughts from topics I shouldn't overthink to problems needed to be solved

it isn't easy and needs time to learn how to do it successfully, but helps keeping my overthinking at bay

Anonymous · Answer

To combat overthinking rooted in past relationship trauma, focus on building present-moment awareness and trust. Practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or meditation to ground yourself when intrusive thoughts arise. Challenge negative thought patterns by reminding yourself that your current partner is not your past, and actively seek evidence of his trustworthiness. Communicate your feelings openly and honestly with him, but frame them as your own internal struggle, not his fault. Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem and independence, such as hobbies, exercise, or spending time with supportive friends, to reinforce your sense of security outside the relationship.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Well u got to sort urself honey... a bad experience in the past doesn't mean every experience is going to be the same... n remember if u keep doing this there will be a time when he might say that he has had enough of it... coz if he is being so caring n loving to u he only deserves ur care n love in return not something like this... so i would say dont ruin a good relationship n a good partner honey

Hobobobo · Answer

Honestly, physical exercise helps to reduce overthinking significantly, but it has to be strenuous enough to make you really struggle and sweat.

I don't really know the science behind it, but it does help reduce anxieties significantly.

WhitneySnow · Answer

He sounds amazing. Try to stop worrying. He’s not gonna cheat on you. Just trust him. Imagine yourself falling into his arms and him catching you.

katiesmuff · Answer

You had better get to understand really soon that he is not the cheater or soon you will be all by yourself once again. Sounds like you have it really great at this time so hope you don't blow it.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

The first 10 words of the description, keep them in your head. Delete the rest. It really is that simple.

Ladsin2 · Answer

Pretty sure we all overthink relationships all the time. Accept it as natural and move on. Don't let bad thoughts ruin a good thing. That's kind of my perspective.

NicholasRedone · Answer

@lisia so you're worried that despite all the loving and love making that you'll eventually discover he's a cheater? 😂😉 Especially if he cheats with another man or transexual? Is that right?

Shiprex · Answer

Tell him this and be open about it. Maybe he can be part of a solution to your anxiety that's causing this issue

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly be honest with him it helps to tell them so they don't worry all the time but that stuff just takes time to get over

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Start believing that not everyone is the same, be happy and live your life normally as long as there's nothing wrong or fishy going on!

Anonymous · Answer

Stop it you making all the guys jealous of him.

Professor-college · Answer

Probably by letting yourself go and thinking about the fact that certain things are beyond your control and you should take advantage of the ones that you can

JiDom6 · Answer

Just know that, ur thoughts aren't really u. They r just thoughts. U can always decide whether to act on them or to just let them pass through ur body as a feeling.

QuestionObsession · Answer

You are 'moneysexual' and you want tips for free? 😂

PeterLegg91 · Answer

Just remember to tell yourself STOP THIS, he's A GOOD BOY , he's NOTHING LIKE MY EX

Anonymous · Answer

If you have this feeling while you are in a relationship with your “sweet boy” that means he isn’t the “sweet boy” you are talking about

I wouldn’t be in a relationship that cause me overthinking for even a second

Despina6 · Answer

Stop take a time out and communication is key. Perhaps therpy may help.

pass_the_celery98 · Answer

Why do girls and women over think 🤦🏻‍♂️

LiamJHayden · Answer

Just enjoy it while it lasts.

Uglygaypoorcoward94 · Answer

It depends on what you're overthinking

PaleDale · Answer

Focus on other things you enjoy

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Overthinking isn't bad it just means you care

Almanprens · Answer

Communication will help

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Forget about your p

Anonymous · Answer

Therapy

jahaims · Answer

Resolve your trauma

wkhan_87 · Answer

Just be positive

Anonymous · Answer

😆😆😆

How do you stop overthinking in a relationship?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

How do you stop overthinking in a relationship?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.