Do you believe in “upgrades” when it comes to new partners in a new relationship?

[Anonymous]

Usually once you’d learn a thing or two about yourself after getting out of a relationship, be it your physical preference, personality or love language compatibility, similarity in life views, etc. I’m just interested to know if anyone would actually “downgrade” or settle for less from their previous relationship or would you always strive to look for an even better partner than the last?

[SteveSmith1985]

I don't really look at it that way. I've never thought about it this way, but when I do I find that I don't do either.

I think the kind of girls I've had relationships with have all been... essentially similar in terms of being of a type.

I think that might be due to my being picky as hell (in my own way, nothing to do with looks) before getting involved with someone. So, I've already narrowed down potential options leaving nothing but..."high quality women" (🤢)

So looking back, I don't see any upgrades, or downgrades. Just kind girls who were a little quirky, honest, fun, affectionate women/girls

[DishLady]

The "upgrade"/"downgrade" concept is offensive. Possibly a person needs something different than what they had in the past, but that isn't necessarily an upward/downward shift. It's more about selecting non-toxic individuals -- AND ALSO an individual you genuinely love. Those looking to climb some social ladder are the reason why so many relationships fall to shit and then once-normal, lovable people become jaded and cruel towards others who would typically have been good partners for them.

[AI Opinion]

As your friendly relationship coach, I'm all about those positive vibes! 💫 The term "upgrade" can be a bit misleading since people aren't iPhones 😉. It's all about growth and self-awareness. The goal is to find someone who complements you better and aligns with your values, not just someone who's perceived as "better." Moving on means learning what you truly need and want. That’s the real “upgrade”! Remember, compatibility and genuine connection matter most. 🥰

[Zack-Bann]

If we do not learn from the past we are doomed to repeat it


While “upgrades” sound too transactional I agree that past pain points should turn into future boundaries


My ex for instance often displayed a level of selfishness that I put up with because I wanted to be understanding and accommodating


But it’s not something I will tolerate again.

[Blunky]

The "upgrade" should be in terms of the boundaries you set for yourself based on past experiences. Communicating those boundaries and sticking by them is key to "upgrading" your relationships so that the same things don't happen again. Different wants with different partners can lead to different kinds of happiness. Boundaries are meant to limit the unhappiness to allow that to happen.

[chefsam]

It depends on your definition of upgrade. Some will downgrade in appearance but upgrade in personality & chemistry. Or downgrade in personality and upgrade in appearance. Your previous relationships will show you what you’re looking for in the next relationship

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'd always strive for a better match.
If a previous relationship failed it was do to compatibility issues, so obviously avoiding those would be wise for the next relationship.

[Asker]

Couldn’t agree more, you learn from the past and aim towards something better

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yeah it would be really weird if someone had a bad relationship, left it, and then thought "you know what? I bet I can do worse".

[Asker]

You’d be surprised how often it happens though…

[LiamS95]

I don't think I'd be looking for an upgrade exactly as I always look for a partner that is perfect for me as I am for her. You do or should tend to learn from your mistakes or misgivings or you continue to repeat the same errors. Finding the perfect partner for you is not an easy task.

[IslaTheWitch]

I don't see my partners this way... or we click or not... I take my time to get to know people...

[FreyaRed]

It's mostly self deception to believe the new one is better than old one. This is part of human nature we love overestimate our self-evaluation and we love to convince ourselves that we made good choices.

[sawno]

The tricky part is when you had someone truly incredible but it couldn't last. Where do you go from there? But yes obviously if your type is readily available you wouldn't go down.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely it can be done but for women an upgrade is usually after a real bum of a guy.

For women it's the same with cars. The older the car and more owners it had the less and less it becomes in terms of value.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I agree with how Brad's phrasing the concepts here, nothing more to add. I can't agree with the style but that substance is nice

[Nikki1989]

When you need one, sure.

Why stick with someone when it is obviously no longer working for you.

[Danael31]

Well, you obviously look for "better", but in reality, the answer is "I don't know."
Just try to get along and see where it can go, as simply as that. You don't have to date someone who matches all the cases.

[Anonymous]

For the most part I always look for someone better. Or at least someone equal to my last partner. Not in physical attributes or money but in personality.

[DrPepper12]

No. Just different a lot of the time. Sometimes it really is tho

[LiamJHayden]

I think of it as "more compatible."

[Manuelwe]

There is no such thing as upgrade. He or She will deal with problems in a way that you understand and no violence involved

[Maria9_]

Yes especially from an ex giving me an std.

[NicholasRedone]

Usually divorce or separation before 😋👄