Why I keep doing that?

[Anonymous]

So there’s a thing , when i was in school i had a boyfriend whom i liked a lot ! But some things were confusing for him and me , like whenever we were sitting together he would try to hold my hand but i hesitated and pulled back on the other hand i loved small gestures like touching his hand playfully, touching his hair, shoulder etc. but when he initiated grabbing me and touching me it all became weird otherwise i liked small touchy nudges a lot!
Why is it like i become weird when he tries to touch me but i myself touch him playfully?

[SteveSmith1985]

That is something I've only ever seen as a trauma response. However, all of those women were well aware of that. The fact that you're asking this question at all makes me assume that you don't have past trauma (physical but especially sexual trauma is often associated with your reaction). If you do have past trauma, then that's where this comes from.

Otherwise, I'm not sure.

[Asker]

Well i don’t have any sort of trauma, it’s just that i really like to touch him but when he does it gets weird

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm glad to hear you don't have any sort of trauma.

Can I ask... if this is your first relationship? Is it possibly just be because this is all new to you? How long were you together while feeling this way?

[Asker]

I’ve never had a boyfriend that’s why a guy’s touch is new to me, you know thinking whether i am ready to be touched by him or not?

[SteveSmith1985]

Yep that makes sense then. That's what it is. You're just not comfortable with that yet. That's not usual, but there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you and him are happy in your relationship, that's the important part.