After 20 years of marriage and many many arguments, breakups there no desire. What if any is the psychological word for such lack of desire?

[Anonymous]

My wife looks like a woman🙂 I just not interested these days in her

[Finchie40]

Because she is a selfish POS human being , I been there brother , feel free to inbox me

[Asker]

Well there probably wrong on both sides. I have the impression she's ready for a reconciliation. I still feel bitter and angry. And it's more than 2 years since the explosion of anger.

Infidelity on my part will threaten to ruin everything so to keep the relationship alive I must get back into the sack with her. My own suggestion is that I mine back to the bedroom. Things might happen in the dark late at night👍

[Finchie40]

Well sex isn’t going to fix anything man , sex is just to get off on each other , it might put a band aid on things but it’s not going to completely fix what is wrong

[Asker]

You probably right

Tbh I feel safer with the devil I know rather than the devil I don't know🙂

[Asker]

And, been a year now and no sex
So that's tough
And can't go on this way
Hence the reconciliation... I'm planning

[Asker]

But just final point, what do I not like about her?
The shape of her
The bossiness
Overbearing
Irritating
Everything she says
Sitting around being lazy

Should I split? I would except we share the house
Share two wonderful children

[Asker]

That's unfair. And let me say something positive.

She's not bad looking
She's great with the children. Two daughters who rely on their mother.
She's definitely not stupid and knows what's what in the case of relationships.
She is aware of current affairs and knows what's going on in the world to hold a conversation.
She holds down a job.

[Finchie40]

Before walking away , think about your children and think about the damage it could do to them. It sounds like you and your wife are no longer seeing eye to eye on things and that ‘s why you are butting heads and not communicating properly with each other , which happens in almost every marriage and relationship. So take a step back and ask yourself this, question when you and your wife argue , do you both point fingers at each other? Basically playing the blame game , basically you did this and you do that or you don’t do this and you don’t do that , back and forth like a vicious cycle that never ends? If that’s the case man , I can give you some advice to try to help fix your marriage and your family., before you just decide to walk away. Your wife is angry at you and upset with you because she doesn’t feel heard and appreciated, you are upset and angry because you aren’t feeling valued and respected by her To stop this vicious cycle my man , Learn to stop pointing fingers , if she botches at you or nags at you , don’t prepare yourself to defend an attack , listen to what she is saying , even though you are pissed off and hurting inside , take it like a man a hear what she is claiming about. Learn to stop using the word You when she yells at you , Listen to what she says and Say I understand , and I am sorry I misunderstood you , I I been taking things the wrong way and only thinking of myself , and I wasn’t thinking of you , I’m sorry the communication has been off between us , but I want to fix that with you , then walk in another room my friend and give her time to process what you just said to her , and she more than likely will come to you respectfully instead of angrily. Keep this up , it make take some time but it can save your marriage and your family , Learning to stop the blame game makes improvements big time in relationships

[Asker]

Appreciate your comments. Thanks.

[Finchie40]

No problem and another thing , learn to remove selfishness from within yourself , You have to remember you are no longer single anymore when you chose to take your wife’s hand in marriage the both of you became one , do not allow selfishness and temptations to push you away from her , start choosing her and treating her the same way you want to be treated in return , and your wife will eventually notice that change and she more than likely will start doing the same for you so when you do end up in bed together and have sex that sex is going to turn into passion and love again because you are both choosing each other

[Malwi93]

what does the non sex have to do with her being selfish?

[Asker]

@Malwi93
Sorry can you expand your question? And who it's directed to?

[Finchie40]

@Malw93 because when a woman with holds intimacy and affection from her partner for a long time , that means she doesn’t value or love him or respect him , His wife and him haven’t had intimacy and affection for over a year together , intimacy and affection is important to keep a couple closer together, Unless they are both with holding from each other , if that’s the case? Then that relationship needs a lot of work or the both of them should depart from each other period

[Asker]

In fairness, I moved out of the bedroom. My choice.

Then it's difficult to move back.

I made a few efforts. But not exactly too much effort.

It's just dwindling away. We have been in this situation several times before. Usually I pushed her away.

[Finchie40]

Yea that’s not good man , No wonder she is upset and angry at you , when married couples start sleeping in opposite rooms , that marriage is on it’s way out the door , My ex use to pull that shit with me and I knew my marriage was on it’s way to be over , It gave me time to make my plans to leave her selfish ass , the only difference was my kids’ were older , If my kids’ were younger and it happened , I would of probably stayed for the kids’if her and i were mature enough to do so , So you have a choice man , you can try to save your marriage and try to make things work, or you can walk away and realize the damage is done and go your separate ways , so the both of you can find happiness. If you are clearly miserable and unhappy with her and no longer really attracted to her , then you are probably best to throw in the towel and move on with your life , but try to do it without the both of you being enemies , because you have kids’ together. My ex and I ended up staying mutual because we have kids’ together , but my love for her is gone , she dug her own grave by being selfish pos person that truly only cared about what she felt was best for herself. When I told her I am done and that I no longer want to be with her and that I am filing for a divorce , her whole personality changed towards me and begged me to work things out , I laughed and shook my head and said I’m sorry I tried working things out and you chose not to , it took me a long time putting up with your selfish POS ass for me to get to this point and there is no turning back. I want to be with someone that stays by my side not someone that conveniently stays by my side. I told her Go find a guy that loves space , because I am going to find a girl that doesn’t.

[Finchie40]

Shortly after I ended it with her , girls’ with beautiful were coming on to me treating me like Gold , and unfortunately for her No guy wanted her , so she started begging for me back and realized how good she had it with me until it was gone. I told her that ship has sailed , best of luck to you

[Asker]

I appreciate that. Thanks!

[Finchie40]

My ex and I still live together but we do our own things , we are living together until our last 2 kids’ get on their own 2 feet and then we are selling the house and going ours separate ways. It hasn’t been easy whatsoever. But I am tolerating it for the kids’ And trying to get my kids’ situated as fast as possible so I can go live my life and leave this bitch for good. Her and I have some good days but mostly bad. I also date other girls’ but not rushing into anything because of my situation. And it’s sadly harder for me to keep a girl by my side because of my situation, but I am honest with every girl I meet , it mainly just turns out to be sex and then nothing else , sadly some of these girls’ I have slept with lied about being married , so that’s another reason I am not rushing into another relationship. These girls’ treat me like Gold but what they are doing is fucked up as well to me , so until I meet a single girl , I am just having fun as much as possible. As for my ex I think she is fooling around with her girlfriend or the both of them are up to no good together , but it seems like they are fooling around together from what my instincts bare telling me. At this point I no longer care because she destroyed me and our marriage. And my love for her isn’t the same. It’s been a rollercoaster ride and I pray every day I find true happiness again

[AI Opinion]

Hey there! You're talking about a classic case of relationship burnout, possibly with a hint of emotional disconnection. Sometimes in long-term relationships, we experience a decrease in desire, often because of unresolved conflicts. It's like losing the plot in a long drama series without an exciting twist. 😉 Consider quality time together, open communication, and maybe some spicing things up to bring back that zing. Remember, reigniting the flame can be a fun journey with the right mindset!💥

[Asker]

That's s great answer
Even if it is a robot
Right now I don't want to rekindle anything
I didn't want to separate because I want to be near my kids and it's to expensive anyway
And I sent want to be on my own

So easier said than done to split

[lightbulb27]

emotional trainwreck.

[Asker]

Disaster 🙂

[jahaims]

Depression can lead to anhedonia