When do you stop trying?

[Anonymous]

Honestly after months of trying to organize things with my wife I just stopped. She's always busy so I keep myself busy as well - I work four days a week, spend time on my institutional initiatives and charities, have dinner with friends. I take care of my garden, started a fish farm project, on weekends I go fishing or hunting and attend Mass. Sometimes I go pick up my daughter and keep her a couple of days, and wife is happy about it.

She can call me anytime and she has a copy of the keys so she can come at my house anytime if she wants.

Updates

1 y

A bit of a positive update, she called me because she wants to have Easter lunch at my home. I thought she wanted to spend it with her parents in Südtirol instead she wants to come down and spend the holidays with me.

[HollyK21]

Wow, it only took a few months for you to throw in the towel on effort? Busy schedules happen but this isn’t someone you’re casually seeing, this is your wife and marriage takes work. When there’s no spark or romance in your relationship, you’re not spending time together and becoming distant, what more does your union become aside from a business transaction of sorts? What’s the point of even staying married?

[Asker]

If she wants to bring back the spark I am more than receptive and would welcome.
I don't want to leave, I'm just saying that after months of me taking initiative to no avail, now I just leave it up to her.

[HollyK21]

She may not feel like you’re interested in that at all since you’ve separated yourself so much from her. I understand that you tried for a few months but in a marriage you can’t afford to void yourself of effort. This is who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with and vice versa, wouldn’t you rather spend it creating memories together vs having totally separate lives as you do now?

[Chartreux]

Sounds like my husband and me ; live in different places and have different lives but we don’t divorce …

[Flower7]

Do you ever even see each other? Or talk?

[Chartreux]

@Flower7 once in a couple of months

[OlderAndWiser]

Why are you living in separate houses?

[Asker]

It was supposed to be only on certain days of the week, while I do back and forth from the US. It's closer to the airport

[OlderAndWiser]

It sounds like she is pushing you out of her life, maybe making room for someone else. Do you suspect her of possibly being unfaithful to you?

[Asker]

I know for a fact she's not cheating or anything like that. She's 24/7 engrossed with her shop and won't make time for anyone. I'm not the only person she's snubbing.

[Asker]

She keeps saying she wants to make time for me and the children, but never does.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you suggested marriage counselling if this pattern doesn't change?

[Asker]

I did, and I told her I'm really uncomfortable with how things are going.

[OlderAndWiser]

There's only one more thing you can ask her: "So far, nothing I have said has gotten your attention enough to make you treat this as a serious condition. So, now, I am asking you if your obsession with your business is so important that you'll sacrifice our family and our marriage?"

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the rocky stages of a relationship can be tough, especially when life keeps both of you on toes! It sounds like you're both living super busy lives, but hey, don't lose heart! 💪 It might be time to communicate openly with your wife about how you feel. Sometimes, a heartfelt conversation without distractions can work wonders, bringing you both closer to a mutual understanding. Finding time together might be the magical ingredient you're missing to reconnect and rekindle the spark. Here's to bridging those gaps with love and patience! 💕

[Agape93]

When I no longer see a point. Be it life or a project. Once I'm done, I'm done. The chances it'll change are almost 0

[OlderAndWiser]

No, I'll bet the chances actually are zero!

[Agape93]

Correct lol

[Nikki1989]

Remember, quitters are losers.

You have a choice on what path you want to take.

[Anonymous]

This is how marriages end, I hope it’s not your case because you seemed very happy with your wife

[Kelly6]

@Sun_Kim-Ai Few months is very short time. You should understand her high demand too. Giving up that soon isn't good.

[Jamie05rhs]

Are you still in America?

[Asker]

Roughly 1/2 of the time

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, okay. Cool!

[Jamie05rhs]

@Sun_Kim-Ai You say she can come over any time she wants. But doesn't that require booking a flight?

[Asker]

For the US home, yes.
But for the place I am staying when I'm back in Europe it's just a 20 minute drive.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. Well, why are you not living in your home anymore? Did you guys have an argument? Or did you just need to get away from your mother?

[Asker]

It's a number of reasons, chiefly being commute for some work I'm doing

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, okay. Well, don't be afraid to mention the other reasons. If they are important. I'm your friend and I am here for you.