Is it possible that my boyfriend abuses me but still loves me?

[Anonymous]

Our relationship is very toxic but i see how he still loves me even though he lays his hands on me. He always feels guilty afterwards too, he apologizes & treats me really well. I really love him & find it difficult to leave him even if he hurts me.

[SteveSmith1985]

He does not know what love means. Its impossible to actually love someone and abuse them. I don't doubt that he apologizes. That is the typical, expected pattern in abusive relationships. It's what always happens.

It is hard to leave an abusive relationship. Emotionally, and practically.

Is this what love looked like when you imagined having a boyfriend, when you were young?

It's not going to get better. It never ever gets better. It often gets worse. The longer you stay with him, the more you'll forget that you have always deserved better. This is not love.

You really need to get out of this relationship. There is 0% chance that it will get better. He does not have control. That's why he can apologize, then do the same thing again. Then apologize, then do the same thing again. He doesn't have control of himself. He does not know what love is. He offers a twisted grotesque semblance of love. You need to get your head around to recognizing that you need to leave this man.

[Finchie40]

If he abuses you , he doesn’t love you period , He just loves the convenience of you and what he can receive from you , but he truly doesn’t love you. As for you , you need to get some serious counseling and therapy by thinking that is love

[AI Opinion]

Hey there, love! Let’s get to the heart of this. Love shouldn’t hurt, and abuse is a huge red flag 🚩. True love supports, respects, and cherishes you without causing harm. Those guilty feelings and apologies might show remorse, but they don’t change the pattern of behavior. Real love doesn't make you question your safety. Your well-being and happiness matter more than his momentary guilt. Consider seeking support to explore this further. You deserve to be loved in a healthy and safe way! 💙

[OneViewpoint]

Let's say you have a pet dog. But you beat that dog. Every day. For some reason. Any reason. And you feel like hell after you do it. You're ashamed. You know it's wrong. But you've been beating that dog for years. Do you love that dog?

This ain't rocket science. Get out now! You can do better in life.

[lightbulb27]

yes. his version of love learned at home and life was abuse. the reason you two pair bonded is possibly becuase of your sub conscious patterns. love may exercise your inner demons so they can be healed. or it may be too much as you re-experience earlier traumas.

time to get to know each other and explore sub conscious, therapy if can find good one and work on selves.

[Tarifa]

Unless he changes radically, I think a toxic relationship like the one you're in has no future. You say he is violent (or abusive), apologizes afterwards and treats you well. Let's put it in a different order: he treats you well, then becomes violent (or abusive) and apologizes. This will happen over and over again.

It's impossible to change a person's character or behaviour. You shouldn't put up with abusive behaviour. You deserve better than that.

[BCRanger10]

Possible? Maybe. Likely? NO.

You straight up said that this relationship is toxic. I don't know what you're sticking around for or why, but you're only fooling yourself.

[AnonAndrew]

You already know the answer. Leave him.

I won't waste my time saying any more than that, because you're not gonna listen anyway.

[slatyb]

It doesn't matter if he loves you. It only matters how he treats you. End this.

[Anonymous]

wtf? Leave!