I’ve been in previous relationships where I got cheated on and body shamed so I’m in the I don't know spot with this issue. I know I’m insecure from past relationship but I want to know if I should not get upset over my boyfriend watching videos of random girls shaking their ass and saving the videos. I had previous conversations about how it hurts me but I feel like deep down I shouldn’t be upset because it human nature. Each time he told me he wouldn’t but continued anyways. He likes ass so I don't know if he has a problem or if it’s normal for men to do that. He said it’s an habit from when he was single. Seems like a habit or a hobby for him. I’m always overthinking about him saving videos and getting off to women shaking their ass. I deep down feel like he’ll fall out of love with me or lose attraction from watching those video. So I need some advice. Is it something I shouldn’t worry about? Down below is some video he saved. Please give me some advice!
Is it alright for my boyfriend to save, like, and watch girls on tiktok shaking their a$$?
Do you wonder if it's due to a biologic necessity vs his choices? This should clarify something.
Have you heard of Duke University experimenting making male macaques pay to watch porn? Monkeys were willing to pay big just to view. However, apparently no addiction was found.
This suggests that only the human mind and ego is subject to erotic addiction.
Another thought experiment, is this. Have you ever dreamed about erotic stuff? Everyone has. But is DREAMING about sex also a biologic necessity? No, it is purely in the mind.
Your main worry should be the fact that you wrote "I deep down feel like he’ll fall out of love with me or lose attraction from watching those video."
It's as if either you have nothing else to offer but draining his cock, or he doesn't value anything else. Otherwise there would be no chance of this happening.
I live pretty close to Duke and one of my neighbors is a scientist. She taught them sign language and one of them said, "As a monkey, you can do what you want. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything."
It’s very disrespectful on his part, if he is still doing it after You have told him how it makes you feel , that right there is a red flag that you honestly shouldn’t ignore whatsoever , If your boyfriend truly cared about you and loved you ? He would respect Your feelings of concern and stop what he is doing , but the fact that he isn’t? Gives you the right to walk away and end that relationship if you choose to. and then go find yourself someone that is more respectful and caring about your feelings. Relationships are all about giving and receiving , as well as sacrificing and removing selfishness for each other , the fact that your boyfriend didn’t stop checking out those girls’ asses just goes to show he doesn’t respect your feelings , he only cares about his own , So if you want to stay in a relationship with someone that just likes the convenience of you? That’s up to you , because all you are is a convenience to him , He is clearly selfish person that could be in that relationship all by himself because all he cares about is himself. I can’t tell you what to do , but when I am in a relationship with a girl that doesn’t respect my feelings the same way she wants me to respect hers? She becomes a convenience to me and I will walk the other way
Girl he don’t love OR respect you. You think your soulmate is gonna be liking and saving videos of other woman’s asses all day? Absolutely not. He disrespects you. Porn occasionally whatever but if it’s all you do you don’t respect or love your partner. Leave him for the streets cuz you’ll find a man who will give you the world and worship you. If he wants to act single let him be. You stated your boundaries were crossed and he didn’t gaf, these men will play you in your face if you let them. If it feels wrong it IS wrong trust your gut, this is absolutely micro-cheating. Men act like they can’t control their desires but you can absolutely control yourself as a grown adult. If a man loves a woman looking at others in the way he does is unthinkable.
Why would he let you go through his phone unless he wants you to know he has this fetish? This gives me the creeps. Something's off about this guy. Does he get off on upsetting you? No telling. But he's creepy.
@Leon1 I am not saying that. But it's chickenshit of him to allow you into his phone to SEE this stuff instead of having a discussion with you about it.
As Leon1 said, it's disrespectful of him to "tell" you this way. And how could he NOT know this would be hurtful to you? He has crossed a line.
As a relationship coach on GAG, I totally get those spirals of insecurity, and believe me, you're not alone. While everyone has personal tastes, it's always crucial for partners to respect each other's feelings and boundaries. Kudos to you for voicing your concerns, but if he continually dismisses them, it's a red flag, darling! 🎀 Love isn't about settling; it's about respect, trust, and communication. Trust your gut, and don't let anyone rain on your parade of self-worth. Remember, you're the main character, not a side piece to his digital dalliances! Perhaps some heart-to-heart with him could help, but if he's not willing to change, maybe it’s time to dance to your own beat. 💃💫
We guys generally agree that there's nothing wrong with looking. Some of you girls feel the same way. I once dated a girl who told me she'd get suspicious if I didn't look at other girls, because she knew what I was getting from her. 😏
Then, there are those insecure girls who get upset if all we do is look.
2
1 Reply
Asker
1 mo
See I told him I don’t care if you look when it comes on your phone but I feel like if he has the need to go out of his way to like, save, or screenshot the content that he should do that while he is single.
Yeah I agree it’s extremely disrespectful to the person you’re with. One thing comes down to compatibility if you have a issue with it set your boundaries you cannot control him but you can control yourself as well as who you choose to be with.
Have a honest conversation and if he can’t have a respectful conversation with you about how you feel then maybe he’s not worth your time.
"I’ve been in previous relationships where I got cheated on and body shamed" "I’m insecure from past relationship"
Pardon my humor, I know you're 18-24, but if I had to judge based on this history, you seem to have found a tacky guy. I can only hope this isn't representative of him, nor the dynamics between you and him, but only you can tell.
"I had previous conversations about how it hurts me but I feel like deep down I shouldn’t be upset because it human nature"
I don't believe in human nature in that case, I believe in caring.
"I don't know if he has a problem or if it’s normal for men to do that"
It's probably popular in your age range, so the "problem" might be just a mix of youth and shallowness. Minecraft, Fortnite and bums combined is the classic stereotype of the average teen boy, probably not mean but probably not bright either. That wouldn't be a problem if you had balanced relationships before, but since you describe negative relations... It's probably not a good idea to look for the average guy, mentally speaking.
In everything you described, here is the one point I find concerning: Caring. But again, it's not my place to know how much he cares about you, you have that information, you decide what's good for you. 🍀
It’s not a problem. He likes ass, so what. As long as he likes you, holds your hand and gives you attention. Who cares. When I’m taken, I look at huge asses too when they pop up, sometimes wanna save the huge ass to a play list to watch the ass some other time. Every single guy who would tell you to break up with him, has enjoyed a video of a bouncing ass behind their girls back. He’s a guy, we like boobs and butts. Only when it interferes with sexual activity between you and him, or it changes his behavior, then that’s bad. I say who cares.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
1 mo
In my untested opinion: * 90% of all men look, whether it's on videos, porn or in real life * Half of them would act on it if they were assured there's no way they'd be caught, but that doesn't mean the other half don't want to. lol
He's probably one of those guys who will never be satisfied by looking at just "one ass", in this case yours, no matter how good it looks. He wants more ass, and a variety of different ass.
You either have to accept that he's going to keep doing it, no matter how you "feel" about it, or you have to move on and look for someone in that "10% group" who doesn't look when they are in a relationship. Keep in mind, 90% of women are looking for that 10%.
Looking is human but he’s going out of his way searching and saving videos. It could be like a p*rn addiction. I’d still break up with him. That’s intentionally attacking your insecurities and it’s bordering abusive.
It really depends on your boundaries and what you’re comfortable with in a relationship. Some people are fine with their partner watching that kind of content, while others feel it’s disrespectful or hurts their trust. What matters most is how it makes you feel and whether you’ve communicated that with him. If it bothers you, it’s totally valid to bring it up and have an honest conversation about it."
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(18-24)
1 mo
I wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but guys are gonna look. As long as he’s not contacting them and sexting with them (not that they’re gonna want him unless he’s rich, famous or super hot), I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
is he interacting with any of them? If not its no different than porn which is fine. If he is interacting with them, then its cheating.
0
2 Reply
Asker
1 mo
No he’s not. I don’t think he comments at all just saves them. He adds like girls on snap that are famous for their body to see their content but he never went far to talk to them
Then its just porn. All guys are going to watch porn. The only thing you can do, is if you see him watching porn, take off your clothes, take the phone out of his hand, and get him off.
I don't think it's a big deal but since you don't like it then he should stop.
0
1 Reply
Asker
1 mo
That’s what I feel deep down but I also want to support his likes and understand them but I have no idea what guys think of when they look at that stuff
Being a girl I wonder that too. I make good money doing an actual job. I think the girls just are desperate and out for the money becuase they know men watch that stuff and will support which is actually becoming a problem everywhere.
I wish social media can go back where the sexual content isn’t everywhere. I can’t go on Instagram or Facebook without seeing a half naked girl. It’s sad bc I don’t even watch that stuff so why is it on my pages. A lot of people say it’s insecurities but most relationships end bc of the content that’s everywhere and being entertained by their own partner
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