Why is he so upset at me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has trust issues. He founded out that I reached out to his bff to get advice on myself for him and he’s now mad because I didn’t tell him I reached out. But I didn’t want him to know because it was advice for me to make our relationship better.

[SteveSmith1985]

He doesn't have any good reason to be upset. This is him reacting in an inappropriate way, because of those trust issues. This is where trust issues can have a real negative impact on a relationship. When they are wildly unreasonable.

I talk to women on here all the time ALL THE TIME about their relationships and give advice and everything. I am a stranger. I can appreciate how the guy she's talking to me about, might not really like the fact that she reached out, to talk about something (legitimately) intimate about their relationship, sex life etc.

However, going to someone's best friend, looking for advice about... their best friend... is something that anybody does. It's a very normal innocent, non-controversial thing for somebody to do.

He is way out-of-line for being upset about this at all.

So I am going to try not to make any further assumptions about this guy. But... this is not good. If there have been other instances of him being totally inappropriate in handling things with you and his trust issues... then this is much more serious.

If this is a single overreaction, and out of character for him, then my guess is that he is upset because: He worries what you might have shared about him/your relationship that he didn't want shared with his best friend. (which is fair... except he should trust that you wouldn't do that).

Or that he feels like you were keeping something from him, or went 'behind his back'. Which... is not fair. You weren't intending to deceive. You just didn't think you had to check this fist (which you shouldn't have to do).

Worse of all would be if he worries your intentions are not completely innocent when it comes to you and his best friend talking... when he doesn't know about it, because he doesn't trust the two of you. That would be some red-flag level trust issues though. I would doubt this is what he was thinking.

It's probably one of the first two. But either way he is in the wrong for being upset. I hope he will see that in time. You are guilty of nothing. He is mad at you for nothing he should be mad about at all. I don't know if you'll be of any help in his coming to realize he's wrong. I don't know if he's the kind of guy to be willing to realize and admit that he was wrong about something. If he is, then... he will (should) realize that he really doesn't have any grounds to be upset about this.

[Ariesman81]

So you value his friend's opinion more than your boyfriend's opinion? You're shady AF! He has a right not to trust you.

[MzAsh]

Flip the script and be mad at him for the way he’s acting. He deserves it.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating relationships can be a real love rollercoaster, can't it? It sounds like your intention was sweet, wanting to improve things between the two of you. His reaction might be because trust is fragile for him, like handling a super delicate bouquet 🌹. It's important to communicate openly with him about your intentions, letting him see the lovebombing effort you’re putting in for him. Emphasize that you did it out of love, not secrecy. Hopefully, this helps soften things and bring out more love vibes between you two! 💕

[Asker]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

I guess he lacks communication skills.

[Asker]

Could be