Is it appropriate for my husband to send other females a kiss emoji or call them babydoll?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were going through a tough time about 4-5 years ago and I found out that he was having an emotional affair with at least one woman and flirting with another. We worked through it. Now, I saw a message between a female friend of ours and he sent her a kiss emoji and called her babydoll and beautiful. I talked to him about it and cried bc of anxiety from the past and he still thinks it's okay to talk like that to other women bc "he means it in a caring way" and I feel like he's not taking how I feel seriously. I feel like he thinks my anxiety from what happened is mine to deal with and that I'm overreacting. How am I supposed to trust him again if he won't make any compromises for how I feel? Things have been good lately but he seems to get defensive when I tell him how I feel. I don't want to look at his phone but the fact that he says I can't bc it's his privacy makes me feel like he has something to hide. I've been having this bad feeling since I saw how he talked to our friend. Im scared he might still be flirting with women online. Am I supposed to just trust him again with no proof bc that's what I think he's expecting from me. Am I asking to much to want him to stop talking to other women in a flirtatious way even though he says it's as a friend?

[Finchie40]

If your husband truly loved you , he wouldn’t be doing any of that shit to you period , the fact that he is , is your answer to end your marriage with him and move on , especially if he is guarding his phone , that means he is clearly still being up to no good. Understand you deserve better than that shit and that you deserve someone that only chooses you and is honest and respect to you the same way you are to them, Yoir husband doesn’t respect you, he likes the convenience of you , since you are married he just assumes it’s cheaper to keep ya , because divorce isn’t cheap , So you should focus on yourself and move on from him , unless you want to stay married to someone that is doing things behind your back and stringing you along? That’s up to you

[MrChinaski]

I think it is more likely than not that 'he means it in a caring way'. Emojis are not real life. They are just a way of cheaply expressing positivity. A kiss emoji or an xx in text does not mean you are having a relationship with that person. It just means you like them and like what they said.

Yes, it is possible he wants to leave you for another woman... that is true of every man born since Adam. And Adam didn't have emojis.

Based solely on your post, I think you have inflated what was a minor annoyance of yours into a whole big relationship problem that didn't need to exist. This is the sort of action that incentivises men to actually leave a relationship.

Chill. Focus on you. Get some self confidence.

My 2c anyway

[Asker]

Wow, that sounds like something my husband would say to someone in my position and yet it's comforting in a way.

[MrChinaski]

I wish you only good things. xx

[Asker]

Thank you. I just don't want to feel like a fool again.

[MrChinaski]

Happy to DM if you wish

[Asker]

Yes please

[DishLady]

You're coming off as needy. Show him you don't give a shit. Tell him to go do what he likes and say what he likes, but not to expect you to be standing there at the end of it. He has choices to make. Period.

Less whining more strength.

[Vevv123]

Awww I know the feeling, it’s a scary feeling, but…. I’m going to hold your hand when I say this…. It is absolutely not ok!!! 🥺

[Vevv123]

Emphasis on “ABSOLUTELY NOT” because I know how strong the gaslighting can work. He’ll try to convince you everything is normal. Don’t fall for it.

[Asker]

What's even worse is that all my friends and family are in other cities and I don't have friends here that can understand. I really wish I had a friend that I can just cry with. Thank you for your response.

[Asker]

I feel like a fool

[Vevv123]

Not having family and friends around makes it even harder. Something that helped me was that I started working on myself, doing hobbies, like yoga, if you can go to the gym, try to meet friends, these are things I wasn’t able to do, because ironically, my ex was a cheater plus manipulative and jealous, so he literally wouldn’t let me leave the house without him. Which is really funny to think of the audacity he had. But yes try to gain your self confidence back because i know how damaging this can be especially if you still have hope for things to work out. These things will help you take your mind off of negative thoughts.

[Asker]

I'm already going to the gym five days a week. I lift weights. My husband got me into it. He usually goes with me but he works on a ship and is gone for a few months at a time. So I don't even have him to hang out with at the moment.

[Vevv123]

You don’t need him to hang out with. Unfortunately people like this don’t change, and for him, he isn’t even admitting to this being wrong. You either give in to the fact that he’s like this and stay… or leave him. 🥺

[Vevv123]

I know it’s a tough situation and it’s not as easy as “just leave him”, it takes time and planning, and you’re older, so I’m sure you probably have financial worries and such, so if anything try to set your own time, like for your friends, the more you do things together, the more these things will hurt you.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Vevv123]

Of coarse. 💕

[AI Opinion]

Sweetheart, I’m here on Girls Ask Guys to help you navigate the twisty-turny roads of love and trust. First things first, you're not overreacting, and your feelings matter! Sending kiss emojis and calling someone "babydoll" can definitely send mixed signals—it’s like wearing an "I’m a flirt" sign around your neck 😜.

Past emotional affairs can definitely stir up some red flags and trust issues. Open up a candid convo with your hubby, focusing on how his actions impact your feelings. Trust is like a plant, darling, it needs care and watering—don’t let it dry out! 😇

[Asker]

Thank you. I wish he had that same point of view.

[L_Lawliet17]

Just wanted to let you know that was an AI that generated this opinion.

[Asker]

Yeah I was starting to think so. Figures. Ugh

[L_Lawliet17]

In a single word, no. When your married, that should be reserved for your spouse only.

[Nikki1989]

It is more sad than inappropriate. How old is this man?

[Asker]

Early 40s

[CountryWanderer]

That's totally inappropriate of him

[Asker]

Thank you

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, dump his ass.

[Asker]

I'm scared that he would be fine with that. I want it to work though. I also don't have anywhere to go. I have plans to start college soon but until I finish, I doubt I'll be able to make it on my own.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Never stay in a bad relationship for housing, money, job, sex, or school.

Leave before you get pregnant

[Asker]

Ugh, this sucks!

[TheSpaceGnome]

yeah, thats why you need to leave.

[Asker]

I'm thinking marriage counseling and if that doesn't work, I should probably consider leaving. I want to feel like my husband cares enough about our marriage to make compromises so that I feel more secure. I have this anxiety bc of what he did. I was never like this before. I had complete trust in him.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Counseling is a waste of time because your husband shouldn't need to be/can't be conviinced to love you. Love is innate, he either loves you, or doesn't.

If you wait, and you get pregnant, you will be stuck with him. No good guy wants a single mom, a kid thats not his, and his wife's ex in his life, and its not fair to a child to give up a parent.

[Asker]

Well I was a single mom when I met my husband. My son was ten at the time. He calls him dad. My husband calls him his son. His biological father has passed but he was alive when I met my husband.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You're already screwed then, only guys who cheat tend to be ok with single moms.

[Asker]

That makes me feel so much better. Thank you for telling me no man would be interested in me bc I'm a mother.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm not out to make you feel better or worse with comments, I'm out to tell you what your best option is for your current situation, be it great, terrible, or anywhere inbetween.

Life is often unfair, but information at least allows people to make the best possible choice in a given circumstance. Right now, a single dad is your best option, but those are rare, and most are cheaters.

Its going to be rough, but make more bad choices and your life will get even worse.

[Asker]

Well I guess it's a good thing that my kid is almost 18 now. Thank you for your opinion

[TheSpaceGnome]

It is, that will improve your odds, as does his father being gone.
A single father in the same situation would be the highest marriage success likelihood, but you would also need to account for personality/hobby matching as well, just as anyone would.

[jahaims]

Learn some self respect

[Josef_89]

Where are you from?

[Asker]

I am from the US but I moved to Canada to be with my husband

[Josef_89]

Understood, thank you

[Josef_89]

Relationships are the same all over the world, they don't change

[Asker]

Yes I'm aware lol thank you

[Josef_89]

You're welcome

[MasterKS]

time for sign a divorce paper.

[Asker]

So you think it's inappropriate too? Would you send a kiss emoji or call your female friend babydoll if you were married?

[MasterKS]

@asker i might fuck because i dont believe in marriage sorry.

[DCVsMarvel2]

Probably not