Do you expect them to financially keep you? Do all the chores? Half the chores? Some of the chores? When it comes to kids who does most of the childcare work?
My partner is 10 years younger than me so he has more energy. We both work full time but I earn more. I expect him to do around 75% of chores. I have 2 older teens that are only mine. I expect him to do any childcare (running kids around etc) if he’s not working and specially late at night.
What are your expectations in a cohabiting relationship?
usually split everything down the middle, not that they should keep score. You both eat, live sleep there, so you both share in the responsibilities, especially your responsibility of raising you own kids. Maybe you suck at cleaning but are a good cook, he might be very neat n tidy but can't boil water, so he cleans, you cook. Since you have to live somewhere and that will cost you money, have utilities, need insurance you would incur those monthly costs, so paying half of the rent, utilities is probably less than what you would have to pay if you had your own place. Even if there is an income disparity. With kids I had a relationship with a woman that had 3 kids, I helped out with some things, like we all were going to the movies, out to eat, things like that, but she did receive child support from their father, and the kids were with their dad 3 weekends a month, and quite a bit in the summer. But they were not my kids, so there is a line between what is his responsibility and what is not. Where are you that you cannot do the childcare that you are not able to take care of your kids? So you are older, suck it up, if he wasn't around to take care of them who would you dump them off on so you wouldn't have to? If he wasn't around, that responsibility would fall on you, not because he is 10 years younger, again they are your kids, not his. The amount of money you make does not have anything to with it, at the end of the day he is not their father, he is the guy that lives there and is doinking their mother once in a while. Is that his reward/payment for being a good boy and doing all of the chores and watching your kids for you? What happens if he lands a dream job and makes more than you, then that responsibility would land back in your lap following your logic. The words I expect him to do not sit well with me at all. Your attitude would push me away quickly. It really sounds like you keep score, by stating 75% of the chores, do you have a list that he has to do? You are making your kids his responsibility which is not right whatsoever. Again, they are your responsibility, not his. Since you don't feel like taking care of your kids, and you make so much money why not just hire a nanny to take care of your kids? That way you are free to come and go as you please because it sure sounds like that is what you are doing now. Then it is all out on the table, so everyone knows their place.
That is discussed and agreed upon prior to cohabitation. It’s not usually a difficult consensus to reach because adults should be accustomed to doing everything themselves anyway. Any amount of shared responsibility and expenses is a load off of both.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
6 mo
whatever 50/50 looks like. i also earn more than him. it is still 50/50 because my half of the mortgage is 50% and his half of the mortgage is 50%, whatever that looks like from each of our paychecks. for simplicity sake, say like $1000 and $800. this goes for literally everything. 50/50.
that 75% of chores for him is not 50/50, especially since you both work full time. PLUS him doing the childcare for kids that aren't his. i think you need to look at that again. so you are doing what? you're working full time, he's working full time. you come home and do only 25% of the chores and call it a night? (i don't care that he's 10 years older than you, either). he is likely growing resentment that you can't even see lol
Me and my partner been living together for two years. We both work, however, I'm always on call and my job is unpredictable sometimes I can stay days or even weeks without being called so I have way more free time than him. We both tidy up the house but I prepare our meals everyday (except on weekends) and do the laundry during the week, I'm also in-charge of taking care of the kitchen as in cleaning and tidying it up since I'm the one doing most of the cooking. We have a cleaning lady who does a more in depth cleaning every three weeks. Apart from that we spilt all other expenses but if we go out he's usually the one paying for everything.
Ah, the dazzling world of cohabitation! Balancing chores and childcare can be like dancing a waltz, where both need to glide in harmony. It's fair to expect your partner to chip in more, given the age and energy difference. But remember, it's all about teamwork, not turning him into a chore fairy! Open communication is the key here, so talk it out with a sprinkle of understanding. After all, love and laughter should be the main dish while chores are just the side salad! 😄💃
We will have been married for 14 years, together for well over 15 and this topic has never come up once. We support each other in many ways without anything needing to be said.
But I have to ask, does this mean your partner is 12 years old?
He pays all the bills I work as well but my money is fun money and we split chores he does the laundry and helps with dishes I do all the cooking and most of the dishes
I noticed that too. It also means she was having kids by 9 at the latest, with 2 teenagers in the house. Her kids boss their 12-year old stepdad around when he gets home from his paper route.
Haven't been in one of those for a long time... but generally speaking it is just two individuals in one home... with co-operation being on the basis of mutual agreement.
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