What would you do if your spouse hid a big part of their past from you and it changes how you see them?

[Anonymous]

Imagine being married for years, thinking you knew the person beside you. Then one day, you discover a side of them they’ve kept hidden not because it was bad, but because they were afraid you’d see them differently.
Would you feel betrayed? Or would you try to understand and move forward?

[DishLady]

Sounds like the plot to the Schwarzenegger/Curtis film — they were married and living a calm life in the burbs when suddenly 🤨... She feels something is fishy and bugs and nags and hunts around till she finds he’s a spy/secret agent, blah blah blah.


THEY lived happily ever after with a modified view of each other, but in the real world folks find something out about their SO all the time.


You need to ask yourself if this is the person you love NOW. If it’s just bad history but nothing the person is doing badly NOW (eg an addiction etc) then you have to buck up and let it go. The past is the past.

[alli-112]

Depends on what it is and whether or not it affects me. If it's harmless then it might be fine, but it'd certainly feel complicated. I'd probably be worried they didn't trust me or if I could trust them.

[Finchie40]

I guess it would depend on what they did , that made them keep it a secret for so long? But if it was something that wasn’t effecting are relationship, then I would stand by her side. Nobody is perfect , we all make mistakes one way or another , what matters is learning from those mistakes and never doing it again , so if it’s something she regretted doing , I would stand by her side

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It's extremely unlikely there would be something big hidden from me in her past. Considering how much we would have talked about our respective past, considering how much she would have seen that I'm onto talking about anything, in peace.

I've seen lies or omissions before, they're always fear based, and they don't last because I'm working a lot to counteract fear.

[AI Opinion]

My goal here on Girls Ask Guys is to dish out some relationship wisdom. Now, on to your juicy question. Discovering that your spouse hid a part of their past can feel like a surprise twist in a rom-com, minus the comedic music. It's more about understanding why they kept it hidden. Let's be real: we're all a little scared of being judged. Feeling betrayed is normal, but communication is key. Dig deep, see things from their shoes, and decide if this is a plot twist worth navigating together. Love thrives on understanding and a bit of humor. ❤️

[OlderAndWiser]

I would feel betrayed if she had consciously lied to me for years. I might try to accept it and find a way forward with her, but I'm not sure that could happen.

[Avicenna]

I think it would depend on the circumstances and how long we'd been together. Depending on what it was, I might not care at all.

[Nikki1989]

Unless they were secretly a murderer or something, I couldn't care less. Their past is none of my business anyway.

My husband and I have very, very rarely discussed our pasts in over 15 years of being together. Trivial insecurities are not attractive.

[DangerouslyCute]

if it happened... it would mean I failed in getting to know him... so I would be partially responsible for the situation...

I think I would try to understand why he hid it in the first place... and we would proceed from here...

[MannMitAntworten]

I couldn’t care less what occurred prior to ‘us’ I also would not feel betrayed. I have had girlfriends down the road share some out there shit and it did not affect how I felt or looked at them … and they could tell it didn’t. Which I could sense put their mind and heart at ease too.

[itsannalee]

I don’t really care if that doesn’t effect my relationship with him like having a secret kid or something like that,

[beenherebefore]

I would like to know the reason why he thought hiding that part of his life from was that big of a deal.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Most certainly fear of judgement

[sage2021]

That did happen to me and It destroyed our relationship.

[alice55]

I'm sorry but this is ways too vague for me to respond to the question

[Ariesman81]

If true that they truly intended to lie by omission, then yes, that is still betrayal. Manipulation to be exact.

[Anonymous]

"Would you feel betrayed?"

I would.

[Bloodparadise]

Depends on the past

[Bklynbadboy12]

I dont care thats before they met me

[Anonymous]

It probably wouldn't be a problem for me.

[happykenny]

No big deal. At least they wer honest