I feel that I am too good for my husband; how can I deal with this feeling?

[Anonymous]

My husband is back from overseas. He has an extensive background in law enforcement, and I have always been very supportive of him. He also runs his own business, and I have supported him in everything he does. We have grown together, built a life together, and shared so much.

I also have a background in law enforcement, but not as extensive as his. I have been fiercely loyal, never cheated, and we have made decisions together in our marriage. I have done almost everything that has been asked of me. Our careers, especially mine, called me away for long periods. My time away from law enforcement these past years has evoked unknown feelings within me.

He is back from overseas, and I am feeling completely lost right now. I'm unsure what changes he has made, whether he is being honest, and so much more. A lot changed while he was away. People began to disrespect me—his friends, family, and others started trying to control and undermine me because of my husband. This mistreatment escalated, especially when his job as a detective and then his role as a supervisor came into play.

Sometimes, I feel like I am being too loyal and honest to a man who may not fully appreciate the kind of good woman he has at home. Our marriage has had its ups and downs, moments of struggle, sunshine, and rain. Despite everything, I have remained here and never given up. I have never judged or regretted a moment in our marriage. sometimes feel that my actions might be too much for him, as he may not even notice anymore.

These feelings have come out of nowhere. I often wonder if I am a great woman to a good man who has no hidden secrets or other women in his life. I rarely dated before, so I have never done this much for anyone. Given everything we have been through, especially related to his career, I can't help but think that I am too good, but perhaps too good for the wrong person.

Updates

10 mo

I know he appreciates me, but sometimes my overthinking and anxiety get the best of me. I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and have since gone through a lot of trauma, especially related to my job. I have a wonderful partner, but there are times when I question whether I'm overdoing everything or trying to be perfect.

Updates

10 mo

I forgot to mention he's military mybad lol I am just overthinking because I am always thinking that everything has to be perfect.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"These feelings have come out of nowhere"

I disagree lol. It comes from a sequence of events you know of, somewhere, but it can be difficult to trace it back, within. You talked about "My time away from law enforcement" evoking unknown feelings. Follow this trail?

• fiercely loyal
• always been very supportive
• made decisions
• has been asked of me
• being too loyal and honest
• never given up
• etc.

You're talking a lot about marriage as a duty, a mission to accomplish, which is consistent with the career you chose, the career of the man you chose and most probably the personality you have. So the tension point here might be resulting from the force of your moral expectations. This loyalty that you feel as too much. This force, while it can stabilize your identity and strongly set your existence, is very rigid, that's its nature. And what's rigid can break quickly from just one collision. It has these downsides you're maybe discovering now.

Obviously, talking with your husband is very important. But whatever comes from this conversation, please take a look at your personality, how it is made and what it wants in life, it's equally very important 🍀

[Desi_Butcher]

If the problem lies in overthinking then there's nothing else that needs to be done but fix yourself. It's understandable u had a scary past in ur abusive relationship but that's in the past now and it should stay there only. 90% of our time were only worrying about something that's not even gonna happen and we ruin our present. So best is to take it as it comes. And a healthy relationship means you can talk with him about anything. Not keeping something inside.

[Asker]

Omggggg mho!!! Thanks for understanding me

[Desi_Butcher]

I'm glad I could. You can always talk or share it with me.

[Desi_Butcher]

Thanks for the MHO 😇
Hope you're feeling better

[AI Opinion]

Oh, darling, what a journey you've been on. Relationships can feel like a wild rollercoaster, and it sounds like yours has taken some sharp turns lately. Feeling like you're "too good" for someone can be a sign of deeper emotions stirring beneath the surface. Maybe it's time to have a heart-to-heart with hubby, share your thoughts and fears. Communication is your BFF here. 💕 Remember, though, relationships thrive on balance, and you deserve to feel respected and valued. Trust your instincts, lovely, and if you're hitting a wall, seeking a neutral party like a coach or therapist can help in lighting up the path! 🌟 Stay fabulous! 😘

[Finchie40]

Communicate with him and tell him how you feel and tell him everything without holding back , don’t assume things until you say what you need to say , if your husband loves you , he will listen to you and reassure you that he loves and cares about you. Sometimes we assume things and overthink things that aren’t necessarily true. Sometimes it’s best to say what you need to say and be honest. Honesty and communication goes a long way

[Anonymous]

You haven't said anything he has done to make you feel this way, so I'm perplexed. My thought is that you should seek counseling to address your insecurity before to do something to damage your marriage.

[Anonymous]

I think u need to have a honest conversation with him. Maybe he thinks u are disappointing him in a manner u might not be aware of. Pls talk to him

[EmmaMary]

Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

For fuck's sake... Get off your high horse and stop being such an arrogant, self conceited egotistical b****.

[Asker]

I am not a troll omg

[Asker]

How am I self conceited egotistical bitch

[EmmaMary]

Just read what you wrote!

I'm a great woman... I'm too good for him etc. etc. etc.

To put it quite bluntly... You're the wrong person (woman) for a great sounding man.

So dump him, move out... And let him live a more peaceful and satisfying life.

[Asker]

I wasn't meaning it in such way omg you really need to step back and have more compassionate for other people

[EmmaMary]

Just by reading your responses shows right away why people began disrespecting you.

It's you who needs to step back and take a long, long look in the mirror.

Wishing you good luck in your endeavours in sorting yourself out.

[Asker]

my responses are directed at your disrespect and judgement to someone behind an anon post. You are very judgmental towards people and really should work on your communication. Your communication towards others are harshly and should be evaluated.

[Asker]

You should consider stopping the tendency to view everyone in the same negative light and instead focus on your own growth. It seems like you might be in need of some healing. Many people here have been labeled as trolls due to your harsh comments or similar responses. It's important to recognize that not everyone is the same, even if you perceive them that way. This is just a part of life, and we all exist in our own unique realities. I'm sorry to say this, but that's how life works. Disrespecting others is not acceptable. Wishing you a nice day, though!

[EmmaMary]

I strongly suggest and recommend that you need to take heed of your own words.

Sometimes the truth always hurts.

[Asker]

you have been very rude on here to several users even the profiles that are not anon. take care

[EmmaMary]

Likewise... Goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him, the key is in good communication.

[Anonymous]

Find a more compatible husband.

[Asker]

I think I’m overthinking honestly

[AngryCarl2]

divorce the SOB.

next!

[Asker]

lol but seriously I think its me whos afraid of what a person thinks or says. I was in an abusive relationship before we met. we been married now for years but its a different phase in our marriage now. people say its normal to feel this way sometimes because its some assholes out here seriously.

[AngryCarl2]

Marriage can be a struggle. A lot of people have unreasonable expectations.

[Asker]

I constantly strive for perfection, believing that everything has to be perfect. I'm attending counseling to explore the origins of this mindset. People tell me that what I'm experiencing is normal, especially when trying to see everything through a lens of perfection. I fear that someone will stop loving me or think poorly of me, which leads me to worry that they might fall out of love and leave me.

[Staximus]

Why would a detective have to go overseas?

[Asker]

he is in the military

[Asker]

I have been in an abusive relationship in the past and its just part of me overthinking because I was always told I wasn't good enough

[jahaims]

You shouldn't be in a relationship

[Wise4myage]

Focus on your self confidence.