A coworker snitched on me. I was then rude to her. What to do?

[AA10X]

I have complicated relations with a cowoker. It is like a pendulum, switching from very friendly to hostile due to constant misunderstandings and clash of egos.

Two days ago, I was leaving the job earlier, with authorization from my boss. As I left, she and her boss were smoking outside. Her boss is a "petty tyrant" that like to pester people for the smallest things, and once he bothered me senseless when he saw me leaving earlier. So, I decided to walk fast, to avoid him.

As I am walking by, she spots me, points me to her boss and says: "He is leaving early. Why I also cannot leave early?". Luckly for me, he did not cared, and even if he did, I had authorization from my boss. But what I if didn't? I would have been in serious trouble. Bottonline is: she didn't know if I had authorization to leave or not and pointed to me either way.

Next day, I asked her to talk to me in my room and explained to her that I was bothered by her attitude. She acted nonchalant and sarcastic, as if she had not done anything bad, and did not apologized, so I decided to put her on ice and keep my distance.

She noticied and tried to restart communication with me, as if nothing happened, but this just made me angrier, resulting in me cutting her short in a rather rude manner. I should not have done that, but I dont think her behaviour was acceptable either.

Now we are not talking. Should I apologise, even if she didn't?

[Anonymous]

I didn’t view what she said as snitching to get you in trouble I thought she was making a facetious, passive comment. You mention that in the past you two have butt heads so I think your guard is just up with her and as a result you take majority of what she says serious when maybe you shouldn’t.


Should you apologize or at least clear the air? I’d say yes because how you handled it was immature and will make for an uncomfortable work environment since you’re creating tension between you two, and not relaying what’s wrong. You shouldn’t be wearing your emotions on your sleeve like that at work or expect her to read your mind and know you’re upset with her or know why.

[AA10X]

I don't think she did on purpose, nor she realized that her comment could have landed me in trouble. What made me angry was that she was very sarcastic when I explained her the situation the next day. If she just said "my bad, I did not think my comment could have caused you trouble", I would have consider the issue closed.

[Opinion Owner]

Why would she think you’d get in trouble for that though? Realistically you’re not going to just walk off and leave your job early without clearance, anyone would know that. Plus you’re walking past her and her boss who I’m guessing has more authority than her to get you in trouble if you weren’t supposed to leave. It would be super ballsy for you to walk past that boss if you were leaving early without permission. Basically what I’m saying is that you weren’t visibly (since you’re walking past) in a position to get in trouble or to seem worried about said-trouble since you were strolling past another boss. I just think because it was her doing what she did, and you already have a bad relationship, you are angry when you don’t have to be. It seems irrational on your part.

[AA10X]

Fair enough. I think you have a point. I still think that is in bad taste to point your collegue leaving to the boss, but I may have overreacted a bit. On Monday, if things are still awkward between us, I will apologise.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe you feel like it was maliciously intended because this boss is petty and has previously given you shit about leaving early. It might be worth mentioning that to your coworker on Monday just to be transparent. Like you told her you didn’t appreciate her attitude but without context it comes off as passive aggressive, just tell her exactly what put you out. In any case though I’d hope she wasn’t trying to sabotage you because in a genuine way I think the comment was meant to be innocent. Jealous for sure, I mean who wouldn’t want to get off early on a Friday? But innocent nonetheless. Like I said, I don’t know how she’d think you’d get in trouble because you’re not going to leave work like that without permission unless you quit, right?

[AA10X]

I agree it was a innocent comment. And yes, I think it is worth mentioning the boss, because he is the root cause of the problem. Regarding leaving early, well, sometimes, when her boss is not there, she arrives or leaves a bit earlier, like 15/20 minutes. I would sometimes joke about it to her, but never said a word about that to anyone. I was leaving half a hour earlier because I had to go to a government office do paper work.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe she isn’t great with social cues or really grasping “time and place”. You said you’ve joked to her in the past about leaving early, so she may have thought that was a safe thing to joke about as well, and to an extent it is, except she shouldn’t have done it in front of that boss. Since they were grabbing a smoke outside I’m guessing they’re cordial enough that she doesn’t experience his petty behavior. So if she’s basically exempt then she may not stop to consider how others aren’t, before making the comments she makes. It’s not the worst trait but you could always talk to her about being more mindful with who she says certain stuff around.

[AA10X]

No, she don't grasp “time and place” at all. She do crazy stuff all the time. One day, she shot me with a water pistol at the office. On another, she gave my number to a random person in a nightclub at Friday 3 AM and the person called me. On Monday, when I apologise, I will ask her to not make this type of comments to this specific boss.

[Nikki1989]

Your coworker's action of pointing you out to her boss was, by any measure, a hostile move. The fact that you had permission is irrelevant to the intent behind her action. Her statement, “He is leaving early. Why I also cannot leave early?” was a clear attempt to get you in trouble and to use you as leverage to get what she wanted.

[Anonymous]

My dude, with an attitude like that, I'd fire your ass. Seriously, if you can't follow the rules, and be respectful to your coworkers, you don't belong in the workforce

[Anonymous]

You seem to enjoy the drama, so keep doing what you have been doing. You're probably not in a relationship, because most men have little tolerance for drama queens.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the ol’ office tango! Trust me, this isn't my first rodeo with misunderstandings at work 😂. My goal here on Girls Ask Guys is to help people like you thrive in such situations. Relationships are less about who’s right and more about who’s willing to take the first step toward resolution. If you offer an apology, it might just break the ice and restore that peaceful work environment you crave. No one’s asking for a lovebomb here, just a simple, genuine apology. You never know—it might just lead to her reflecting on her actions too!

[Anonymous]

Talk to her, the key is in good communication.

[In_Trance]

get back to work and knock this shit off