Should I just forget my dreams about being a mother because I’m autistic?

[Anonymous]

I’ve always dreamed of being a mommy and having a wonderful family. I know in the past I wasn’t so sure of wanting kids be around I didn’t want them to go though being autistic like I am. It’s been tough for me to find a man that will accept me. Autistic people always have trouble with relationships. I was diagnosed when I was eight. I’ve been with my brother for four years and he he’s been thinking about our future and he said the most heartbreaking think to me. He said he doesn’t want to have biological children anymore because I’m autistic. Plus our future children may end up being autistic and he doesn’t wanna to through it again. He has an autistic siblings that he delt with and she is a handful. He said, “I hate to crush your dreams but I don’t want children with you. I don’t want to have to start over since I’ve went though it with my autistic sister for a while. 17 years!” I told him he doesn’t know that, our future children may be neuroticism. He said it doesn’t matter because since I’m autistic chances are our child or children will be autistic so we should adopt instead.
That broke my heart so bad. Autism ruined my life. I told my parents about this. My dad bluntly said I should just break things off if he can’t accept me or future kids. My mom said I should have dates someone similar to me (autistic like I am).
What should I do?

Updates

9 mo

My boyfriend is a year older than his sister. He was 18 when he left home.

[Effably]

The incest angle is wild. But I understand it is a mistake. Still though, he he.

No. So it is very important for you to know that the worldview on Autism, and neurodivergence in general, is shifting. 30 years ago it equaled retarded. 12 years ago that changed. Now the general population is catching on.

Being autistic has even become a, believe it or not, sought after diagnosis among people that are not. Which is a problem in itself but should say a lot about where the trend is going.

It is more and more understood that autism is simply thinking differently, not thinking worse. If you got the diagnosis as young I get it. You would have still had the "stupid and different" stamp. That stamp is nearly gone now. In a other 10 years I am betting it is just "different".

So you go for that dream if it is a dream. If the kids are autistic you are uniquely able to help, you have a lifetime of practice. The world is also a more welcoming place for them now, although not all that welcoming for anyone.

But if you take nothing else from this take this; In 2013 Autism was changed from developmentally challenged to Socially and Routinely different. People with autism actually score slightly better than people without in terms of IQ (although I only have access to the number of people below, averahe or above). If someone grows up woth autism starting today, it is very different from 10 or 20 years ago.

[DonaldDarko]

Carying on defective genes is a bad idea all together. My family on my fathers side has a lot of criminals. They were involved with really vile stuff. I don't want to spread genes like that. I'd hate to have a child that turned out like my father and his brothers and sisters. What a sorry waste of life.

[Asker]

What’s that supposed to mean? I shouldn’t have children then?

[DonaldDarko]

It's up to you, I'm not going to. In my opinion my father and his family have done enough damage.

[Asker]

Oh okay. Sorry that happened to you

[Anonymous]

I don't know if there’s genetic testing of not that can tell you if your kid will have autism or not , but there’s different blood tests to check and see what you or your partner could potentially pass to your kids. Ps: he sounds like an asshole , I don't know why you’re with him

[Asker]

Because I love him! Now I’m having mixed feelings about our relationship. This is the longest relationship and I don’t want to break up with him.

[Opinion Owner]

He seems like a jerk

[Asker]

So what do you want me to do? Date an autistic man?

[Opinion Owner]

No, but find a man who isn’t a jerk

[Asker]

Well I guess I’ll have too. Dating is hard nowadays

[Opinion Owner]

You’ll find someone

[Opinion Owner]

thanks for mho

[Anonymous]

The amount of people bringing up the autistic excuse for almost anything is truly pathetic. Where were you people 10 years ago?

[Asker]

Do you think men want to have children with an autistic woman? I told told it’s best if I dated an autistic man because I would get taken advantage off

[AI Opinion]

My mission is to empower and educate you in the realm of love and relationships. That being said, sweet soul, your autism is just a facet of your marvelous self—it doesn't define your potential as an incredible mom. 🌟 It sounds like your partner’s concerns are deeply rooted in his past. If he can't embrace the full you, that's a red flag 🚩. Your dad’s advice about acceptance rings true. You deserve someone who loves every part of you, even your quirks. Trust in your dreams, and look for someone who aligns with your vision. 💕

[OlderAndWiser]

"I’ve been with my brother for four years. . ." Forget about the autism; what do you think incest will do to your children?

[Asker]

I meant BOYFRIEND

[Berethor]

If your boyfriend don't want to have biological children with you it a legit reason to leave him.

[Anonymous]

Are you dating your brother? Being autistic doesn't necessarily mess up the kid, but incest definitely does.

[Asker]

No! My boyfriend! Where do you see brother?

[Pterodon]

No never give up on a dream

[Anonymous]

Didn't think it would affect women

[Asker]

We’ll it does. Would you want to have children with an autistic woman? Be honest.

[jahaims]

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