Is there a gradient to lying? What is an acceptable lie/fib vs something intolerable?

[Anonymous]

Each one of us has lied at some point in life. So, when getting to know someone, what counts as a white lie vs something that catches you off guard or betrays your trust?

[MisterWack]

I’m going to list different scenarios.

I would say if the lie is to spare someone their feelings then it might be okay, though if it goes at the cost of your own emotions and feelings then that can be problematic.
Like imagine in a relationship, something negative that gets you worrying could upset them so you hold the burden by keeping quiet. However, your partner isn’t a mind reader can really complicate things since in a relationship communication is key and the only way to reach a conclusion to a problem is 1) takes understanding 2) willingness to listen 3) approach to a compromise that works for both parties.

If you are a political leader and you don’t showcase transparency and are a notorious liar then how can the people look to you for guidance, wisdom, keeping your promises, and keeping your word when once trust is broken, it can’t easily be repaired.
Your citizens are counting on you to showcase leadership, that means having to be open and honest. Once you go against that, in an emergency like a flood or hurricane or power outage, they look to you to fix it / calm things down with logical reasonable explanations and timely response teams. Though sometimes as a leader you have to lie to help your citizens, if they told you “we’re f*cked run for your lives!” that would cause further panic and destructive behavior onto individuals and others so lying is needed to protect in certain situation.

There are other scenarios in which different methods apply, though this is all I believe I’m capable of sharing.

[Clear_Skies10]

I used to be the type to tell people the truth no matter what. Over time I learned that some people are just nosey, rude, gossipy, and disrespectful in the questions that they ask. I would finish talking with somebody, then feel completely disgusted with myself for telling them all of my business. After that I decided if something is none of their business, then I will just tell them whatever I want. If it doesn't affect them, then it doesn't matter. They shouldn't be asking me things that are none of their business anyway. If I tell them it's none of their business they will just get mad, so I tell them whatever I want.

[Asker]

If they ask you something like that, you can just say it’s too personal or invasive

[Clear_Skies10]

The kind of people who ask nosey questions are usually the type to get defensive if you call them out. Sometimes I just don't want to bother with confrontation. It's satisfying to tell those gossipy people the wrong information, lol.

[Asker]

Ok, that’s your call

[Clear_Skies10]

Yeah because they ask stuff like why did your marriage end? what's your body count? or how much is your power bill? My past relationships don't concern them, how many people I slept with don't concern them, and my finances don't concern them.

[Asker]

Yeah some of there are too invasive. I’d probably just say I’m not open to discussing this info, let’s talk about something else

[Clear_Skies10]

You're right I'm gonna have to figure out a better way to deal with them. It's part of living in a small town, rural area. People think everything is their business, and they're relentless. I really just keep to myself, and I don't even ship locally because people are so nosey here. I'm gonna practice different answers like "Oh, I don't discuss my relationships or finances, it's just a rule I have."

[Clear_Skies10]

*I don't shop locally.

[Asker]

Yes, that’s a better approach without lying or letting anyone gossip about you

[Clear_Skies10]

I hate those people so much. When you live in a small town area people just come up and talk to you, and ask whatever they want. They treat you like you're an asshole for not telling them everything The local grocery store is gossip central. This place is ridiculous.

[Asker]

If you’re that unhappy, have you considered living somewhere else, in a city perhaps?

[Clear_Skies10]

I have, but my son was living here. He only recently moved and I own land in the area. The property is self sustaining, and selling it would be a poor financial move. I'm just kinda stuck here. It's easier to just avoid that town even though it's the closest one.

[ShellyB]

I think a lie that you think will help people overall, not just yourself although it could including helping yourself, but a lie that is not about taking advantage of anybody is “more OK” than some types of lies. For example I think it is “more OK” to say that you like somebody’s outfit or apartment or whatever, even if you really do not like it, because it does more good than harm. The problem is that sometimes you might be wrong about that. For example if somebody is dating a guy you do not like, but you say you like him to be nice, and it turns out he is a bad person and you had an intuition about it, maybe you should have shared your intuition it might have helped her more than lying helped her, but anyway that to me is the main dividing line, between lies meant to help vs lies meant to hurt. JMO!

[jazzy34]

That's not necessarily lying. If you're just getting to know someone, of course you're not going to share your life story. You have to be smart with what info you share. There are some real crazies out there and you don't know how they'll use it.

[Asker]

Lying out of omission and lying deliberately are two different things. Obviously you’re not going to reveal everything at once, but gradually once you’ve built trust; you would expect someone to lie about something trivial like name, age, appearance, relationship status

[jazzy34]

Exactly my point. 😊

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the great mystery of truth! 🤔 My aim here is to help you navigate the intriguing world of relationships, love, and all those emotional rollercoasters. Lying has a gradient, much like that eyeliner you mastered last year. A white lie might be saying you love their new haircut when it reminds you of a poodle, but it keeps the peace. However, hiding an affair or money issues is a full-blown betrayal🚩, eroding trust like a sugar rush on a first date! Balance and honesty are key, love bug. Be gentle yet truthful to keep the love train rolling smoothly! 🚂💖

[HawkPerception]

"Mommy and daddy weren't fighting. Sometimes when you hear moans like your mom was making, it just means she's eating some really good sausage. Your mom loves sausage. When you get older, you might too!"

[DishLady]

I don't lie. If a person asks me something they will get a polite-but-direct response. Folks who know me know that's just how I am. I also don't tolerate lies. If I sense there's something shady about what a person is saying I stay away from them.

[Stevepro68]

Simple scale. On one end are lies to protect the person that you are lying to with zero benefit to yourself. On the other end are lies that are strictly for your own personal benefits. Somewhere on the scale you cross over to self serving more than selfless.

[Asker]

Very true and the more self serving it becomes, the more intolerable you become to others

[CheriBlossomKisses]

I do white lies all the time to keep my loved ones from feeling stressed, upset, etc. It's usually done so I can solve a problem without them ever having to know about it. I feel that these find are acceptable due to it being about ensuring another person's mental wellbeing.

[DonaldDarko]

Say if you're a paramedic and you've got a guy with his leg amputated and he asks what kind of shape he's in, you'd say you'll be fine or something. You don't want him going into shock and you want his mood elevated as much as you can.

[Asker]

Sure, that’s a white lie or just reassurance

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. Lying about a surprise party or gift is a good lie. Lying about cheating is on the other side of the spectrum. The important factor is the intent of the lie.

[Asker]

Where does lying about aspects of self fall on this spectrum?

[Opinion Owner]

It depends on what was lied about and where you are at in the relationship.

[sage2021]

I don't lie, and I think all lies are bad.