Why does she keep coming back?

[Anonymous]

This girl and i keep falling out of contact because of disagreements or whatever it is. And more often than not she comes back and texts me after a week or two saying she can’t go without me and loves me. And there isn’t a thing she wants more in the world than to be with me.

But then sometimes just days after she sabotages the whole thing again, she is clearly really broken but everytime i get close she blows everything up.

I love her but it starts to hurt, we are in contact again now but I feel like it won’t last once again

[HollyK21]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results — the outcome is not going to be different this time. Why? Because she has issues she hasn’t dealt with, and because of this you will always inadvertently pay for what another man did.


I don't know how many times you have to go through this breakup and makeup before you realize that the last thing she needs right now is a relationship. She needs professional help to address her issues, otherwise she’s just a sinking ship that’ll drag you down with her.

[Asker]

So it would be best to keep no contact until she is fixed and if i’d still be open to her when that time comes obviously

[HollyK21]

Yes that is the best route. From what I’m seeing, she doesn’t really value your presence in her life because she’s always willing to risk not having it. At this point, it seems as though she loves the attention you give her but she’s not ready for much more, and that’s due to her own issues.

So rather than repeating the same cycle of accepting her back and getting nothing from it ultimately, try something different in the form of letting her go. Don’t wait around for her to be “fixed”, she’s not a car, this isn’t the auto shop. You go live your life and maybe at one point you will reconnect and still be interested in building something with her. In that time you could find someone totally different or maybe just have thought better of that connection in general.

[Asker]

Yeah I am not gonna wait for her for sure. I have questioned whether it’s just for attention but she tries way too hard in my eyes? I give her a lot of trouble too.

Add to that that we used to see eachother (not for 1,5month now)

[Finchie40]

If you want to end up with a mental basket case then continue speaking to her , if not, Run the other way

[Asker]

Lol thanks

[AI Opinion]

Aha, love hamster wheel moments can be such a rollercoaster! 🎢 It sounds like you're in the middle of a classic push-pull dynamic. When someone keeps waltzing in and out like this, it might be emotional instability or fear of abandonment on their side. Even if there's love, these repeated "make-up, break-up" cycles may be their comfort zone. This could be a red flag, sweet talk aside. Your feelings matter, hot stuff! Consider setting boundaries to maintain your peace. If love's a dance, make sure you’re leading as much as she is! 💃🕺

[Anonymous]

She does love you but its not healthy

[Asker]

Yeah i feel like she really means it but that’s what makes it harder to let her go.
But it is better for bow at least, no?

[Opinion Owner]

I think you both need to communicate

[Opinion Owner]

To eachother

[Asker]

I keep on doing it, sometimes she can get vulnerable but after that she just closes

[Opinion Owner]

She hasn't learned yet that her feelings and thoughts are safe. Tell her it is. She may learn to not close up. I don't know i used to do this. I had a very toxic upbringing. Once I learned I was losing people for not opening up, I had to let myself know that its okay for people to know if im happy or sad with myself or them. That my feelings matter

[Asker]

She had had some troubles there too, which i already knew. I know it’s hard for her but things are just so much better then. Sometimes she even says what she is scared of but right now i do most of the emotional lifting which is tiring

[Opinion Owner]

Then be with someone whose not going to tire you. You can only do so much reassurance

[Asker]

I somehow keep believing it will be better this time around, but i guess i gotta let her go.
If she is mine i’d do all the reassuring she needs but we literally are nothing now

[Opinion Owner]

Thats too bad. Make your mind up and move forward

[Opinion Owner]

Make your mind up on what you want to do and move forward

[Asker]

I think i’ll try once more and leave nothing unsaid. Either that’s wrapping this up or something coming from it

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck!

[Opinion Owner]

Hey, do you think you ever come off as yelling when you text her? Or like you're scolding her? That'll really make someone closed up

[Asker]

I always try to make very clear what my intentions are with what i say. A couple of times she really interpreted it wrong and only said it later but usually it goes quite well

[Anonymous]

Maybe she just needs more time.

[Asker]

She always acts like the time is for me but really it is for her right? Should i just say we might need to take time away for longer when she initiates the next time?

[Opinion Owner]

I think you should.