Why would a partner constantly say you don’t love them?

[Finchie40]

My ex use to say this to me often , she would say you don’t love me , or she say I just accept the fact that you don’t love me? When i never once said those words to her , so why would a partner say that to you, if you never said those words? I finally had it with her and said to her , Keep telling yourself that , so you can continue doing whatever it is that you are doing behind my back. Because you clearly are up to no good and trying to justify your actions. To come to find out , she was up to no good with her girlfriend. What would you do , if your partner kept saying that to you?

[Noredcarpet]

I would ask why you don't feel loved by me, dig into it. Maybe before or meanwhile she got things going with her girlfriend the girlfriend knew how to make it look like you don't love her? I have been part of group of girls were one opens up on their relationship with their man, and before you know it the man is being twisted into this really bad person, he don't do this, he don't do that, and because of that he doesn't love you. If the female in question is upset, vulnerable, sad and see things already black and white, missing the whole picture, this is not helping, it is only making it worse. Could be your ex was heading towards depression, anxiety, which twisted and narrowed her perspective? I've learned that it is duting that time that people in my life like my cheating parent and ex start to unappreciate their loved ones and instead be drawn to and attract not so good people. It is only when they start feeling like their old self that they again are drawn to and appreciate their old loves ones. I am sure nobodys perfect, but what happens when they spiral downwards like this is that they have a narrowed perspective about a loved one and if opening up to the wrong people who themselves can't see the whole picture they come to the wrong conclusion, such as thinking you did not love her. Her girlfriend either knowingly or not was driven by her own agenda to get her closer and because of that you had to loose your status and get out of her way of getting to her?

There are those who later in life looks back and say they did not realize it at the time they were leaving their partner or cheating that they in fact suffered from a depression. They regret leaving their loved one. They get envious when they now see that their ex has moved on.

There are those though because of a still narrowed sight and pride defence mechanism hold on to their old bitter belief because it is better to feel that instead of looking more inwards the next step and feel the emotions of regret and own up. They much rather point the finger and say it's your fault.

What I have learned is to listen with compassion which I always did anyways with my ex and my current too when he downspirals but when I have had enough of the whole negative view I get hurt at first and then my Wall comes up and I take steps back. It really is of no use, only harming a loved one when the one with the narrowed perspective only points the finger at you. It has been easier on me when I had to reassure but that too scared me because I knew it came from something sick that I could not solve, heal. The replays. Anxiety talking.

The individual needs to get to a place within before you can have those talks when it is productive for both. From what I can tell with my current they got more and more healthy as he was improving. I know it is easy to get defensive and say it is not true or to reassure simply because you feel you are being wrongfully accused and because you don't share the same reality view but it is not the way to get to the heart of things.

From what I got from others is that my current was this bad boy, attachment style offish but I knew, I felt from the get go this guy loves me. He can try to hide it, he can struggle for all he want, but he already lost the battle. I akways felt very loved by him in a way so what he was up to sometimes did not make me uncertain of it, but had I not read his signals of love for me those he wanted me to see and those he tried to cover up, I would have come to the wrong conclusion that he didn't love me. I felt oh he is going to get there, where I am, and I stayed calm most of the time. had I too been his mess kind of girl it would be drama, chaos, I would suffer more, but I wasn't, fortunate. My calm ways can be misread when he was like that as indifference, coldness but he said it was when he tried to connect to me but the wrong way. I was not going there. It would not have been productive only hurting. I knew he loved me but when he got like that he was afraid I did not love him, which I did, do.

[Finchie40]

Yea she definitely suffers from anxiety and depression , amongst other things as well , so throwing in the towel on her was the best thing i could do for myself and my sanity

[Noredcarpet]

I I suspect something was up of the sort as you have described earlier she got selfish, something I recognize too with my ex. What is so cruel among other things about mental illness is, I think, that the real them, the healthy them, don't get how twisted they get, how fooled they can get, the illness fools them, fool loved ones.
it is s sad it turned out the way it did but at least it wasn't your fault, that you were a good partner to her, did the best you could, knew how, under the circumstances.

If and when they get out of it they know they are loved, was always.

I have thought about what to do when you know soneone in for example your partners life is manipulate and want your partner to be manipulated against you. First time I remember a person like that showed it was someone who had a romantic interest in my cheating parent. I got a bad feeling. Turned out right. Moving on dating someone who for some reason could not grasp he was being manipulated by few of his first family members, they too were selfish, one of the warning signs, I suppose. That time I chose to be straight forward (the way I had not been with my cheating parent and the manipulator) but it was no use. His only shot would be if he married a woman his family would accept. I have not thought about him before, it was all rather brief, and now recently as I googled him I realized he is still the victim of his first family. Sad.

I had a period of when I got to know what some girls do that had egos , drawn to status that their ego could not stand to loose him to me. I would withdraw instead of believing the guy got this, she only had to get aggressive before his eyes. Someone manipulated my current, I withdrew, I may have done it just in time, the spell, game of the manipulator was broken

I suppose it matters the time, vulnerability if a manipulater, an enemy, will succeid or not

[Finchie40]

Yea selfishness kills most relationships, and that’s exactly what she did, she became very selfish when she became friends’ with that girl and that’s when our marriage started going down the tubes , to the point I had to walk away, There is only so much you can give without receiving in return and that’s what she did to me. So I walked the other way

[Noredcarpet]

I understand, there is only so much you can do, everyone has their limit. Perhaps there would have been hope she got healed from her mental illness for good and returned to her old self but she would then had to have the realization of it first she needed a different kind of help than her girlfriend. It was not a subject when things fell apart with my ex. I noticed the new friends he had he or they had no intention of letting me in. I can not say if it was they that turned him against me (he used to say we were close, he used to talk about me, brag about me even, to others, involve me. I noticed too that the people he began rejecting beside me that he seemed torn into what to do with, was the very people who had always been there for him. Not perfect people but still good people. How many people in anyones life can you brag about is there for you when it all goes down? So he traded us for them, people I senced was bad. I never before saw him as someone who could be played with. No matter he did this by his own free will and there was nothing we could do. He had no appreciation. There could be truth in what you say that she later used her usual statement in order to back up her being drawn and pulled in the relationship with the girlfriend. I don't get how they're thinking, do they really think all the loved ones, especially a partner, that used to be close, that we are that bad?

[melanieeeB]

She probably felt like you weren't putting enough effort to the relationship or reassuring her the way she needed it. Maybe your actions didn't show her that you do in fact love her.
There was probably something missing in the relationship.

Next time I would recommend to sit down and talk about it, asking your partner what she means by that and why she feels that way and what you and her can do to better things.

[AviatorTom]

That would typically indicate her lack of confidence in the relationship. She is basically baiting you into telling her that you love her.

[AgentG111]

They are nuts and trying to push you away but in a way they are in control.

[Finchie40]

Nuts is right

[AgentG111]

Yup!

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to spread relationship wisdom here! Your ex might have been projecting her own insecurities or misbehavior onto you. It's often a manipulation tactic — questioning your love but actually deflecting from their guilt or actions. Looks like you faced a classic red flag situation! Trust is key, and continuous accusations can really erode that. You did what you needed by confronting and calling it out. Better to have loved and learned than to have ghosted through life! Keep the faith, love warrior! 😎❤️

[Crimsyjo]

Usually when a deep emoti9nsl need is going unmet. Guys are not good with emotionsl support. Not that they should be responsible for everything. Insecurity and self with issues are not the mens fault. But sometimes a man just doesn't step up enough either.

[Anonymous]

because she's emotionally manipulating you. or was. that way she can make it seem like she's the victim and not the villain in this.

[Finchie40]

What was her reason for that? I told her a bunch of times if she isn’t happy in this relationship with me, she can leave

[Opinion Owner]

some kind of mental illness. maybe covert narcissist? can't be alone. codependent.

[Nikki1989]

Occasionally, the truth really does hurt. Nobody says that unless they are feeling it to be true.

[robocop666]

mentally unwell. Your ex sounds like she needs help.

[Finchie40]

Yes she does big time

[robocop666]

did you not try to help her instead of dumping her?

[Unycorn]

Because your partner don't love you anymore and want to blame it on you

[RavVid]

I think the partner wanted to extract more physical manifestation of your love.

[slatyb]

Why is not important. That's a broken relationship. Get the hell out.

[Rosemaiden]

Maybe she wants you to put in more effort in conveying your feelings.

[chrissykerdock]

maybe she feels that way not uncommon

[Flower7]

It’s best to leave a person like that.

[Anonymous]

Probably because of insecurity.

[sage2021]

Drama Queen 👸

[guesswhereivebeen]

Because they are insecure and needy

[Godihateyou]

Projection. They dont love you.

[Anonymous]

Manipulative shit she was playing you