Is it normal for my girlfriend to cry on my birthday?

[MarcoPolo_1]

For context my girlfriend has bpd. And it’s gotten very tough to deal with and be understanding about it.

I will say I have dealt with a lot that i won’t list here in this relationship. A lot of crying spells, empty accusations, broken promises, bad choices and I’m expected to be a parent about it etc.

But out of all of the examples I could say. One definitely stands out. This year specifically for my birthday I hung out with my girlfriend and we went to the mall and a Korean food store.

It would have seemed that every time we would walk around, she would ask what I want and I told her anything. I eventually made a decision for food and we ate. But she seemed totally unprepared. Like she wanted to buy me something but she didn’t have money for it which was fine. But she started to feel bad about it.

This resulted into us going to the mall and she kept overthinking about everything. Mind you I don’t really care that much about my birthday. I didn’t grow up celebrating it at all.

She knows this and it was just so bizarre to me. It could have been a period or bpd I have no idea. But when we started to drive back she kept going on and on about feeling bad until I told her this: why are you making this all about you? And to stop being selfish.

I than took her to another store and I bought her something nice.

Somehow I feel it’s manipulation in all honesty.

What do you think?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

BPD is a unique disorder in that they do kind of live almost entirely in their own experiences and conflict is incredibly difficult for them, even self-made conflicts. I’m not sure what was going through your girlfriend’s mind or what she was trying to say without saying it but overthinking and overfeeling can be something that happens pretty frequently, depending on how well it’s managed. If you feel you’re just being manipulated by her, that speaks to how little you actually trust her intentions and honestly, maybe you should consider breaking up if that’s the case.

[MrChinaski]

You have described a text-book case study in BPD.

What do you get out of the relationship? What do you gain from all of these tough to deal with dramas and manipulation? You went to the mall so she could buy you a present and you bought her something instead so she could feel she was the centre of attention when it was your birthday. That is very unhealthy for you.

What does she get out of her relationship with you? Prospects for improvement with BPD are modest if she recognises she has a problem and invests years of work in improving herself. Is your relationship helping her to walk down that path, or is it facilitating her avoiding improving herself? I don't read anything in your post that suggests that she is doing any work on herself.

I have respect for what you try to give. I had a friend with BPD. Personally, I could not and would not want to do what you are doing as a couple.

[AviatorTom]

I think you have a good relationship with your girlfriend. Best wishes.

[AI Opinion]

Sharing my knowledge on love's rollercoaster is my jam! 🤩 Your situation is tricky, but you're dealing with a mix of love and mental health complexities. Your girlfriend's BPD may cause emotional ups and downs, making events like your birthday emotionally challenging for her. The crying might stem from feeling inadequate or not meeting your expectations, even if those worries are unfounded. Avoid viewing it as manipulation unless it's a pattern. Communication sweetens the deal, so chatting about feelings could lighten the mood. Keep the humor alive! 🌈

[OneViewpoint]

It's manipulation that she probably can't control and you can't fix. Get out. Pull the ripcord. Or waste more of your life riding her roller coaster of emotional indulgence and self pity.

[Anonymous]

Wow you're an asshole and here's why... she wanted to do something nice for you because she wanted to not because she had to... you ever hear the phrase it's the thought that counts... I'll tell you something you're lucky to have her so get your head out of your ass before you lose her because there's only so much a person will tolerate in a relationship

[beefcakebradybatson]

Could be. Is she usually emotional?

[Anonymous]

You know her better than we do.