Do you feel it's not safe and not wise to be in a relationship with someone who becomes a true addict?

[Anonymous]

Of the people in my life that have unfortunately had their lives consumed by addiction, it has not been good for them or any relationship or kids they've had. One of my friends bent over backwards to do everything for her partner, basically had to become like his mom to get him through the day, she covered for his absences, she dealt with his family and friends, and in the end, he just left her. Having kids and a partner with addiction is even tougher, the kids don't understand it, they get hurt, etc. not to mention actual risks to their health and safety.

Why do people stay with addicts? I feel that someone who is going through this needs to go sort themselves out, and then see about coming back if that door is even still open. I've never been in a relationship with an addict, and I hope I never will be, but then I don't know what that other side is like if you are or have been one and why your partner or you chose to stay.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to help shed some light on the love games we all sometimes get caught in. 🍿 You’re spot on about addiction; it's a challenge that can hijack relationships. Many people stay due to love, naive hope, or fear of being alone. It's crucial to recognize red flags and set boundaries, as you can't become a savior or fixer. It's okay for love to wait while one's healing. Protect yourself and choose wisely, for love should never drown in an ocean of chaos. 🌊❤️

[Noredcarpet]

They get to be co dependent. My dad got his mental issues later in life and I was told in a subcounscious way I was trying to help him, heal that relationship by becoming involved with someone who would due to difficult circumstances, background develop an addiction. I didn't see no red flag before as he was nothing like my dad, different personalities, and because I guess we were both too young to have an addiction so soon. He did not treat me badly at all during our relationship, way. Way the other way around, and as weird as some may think it was considering he was becoming addicted he made me feel very loved by him. I was really struggling to get him free of it, but lost that battle, I know he struggled too. Addiction ran in his family and co deoendence and denial too.

I would say one of the final steps of him killing my love for him was when after he had tried to be free of it and it looked like he was making it, he returned to it. The attitude then was, and it was the attitude that did it, not that he had failed on his own, was that because I loved him he would use that same love to hurt me, make me accept living with him like this, periods or always. That was not his love talking, cherishing me, our lives together, future. Not what we had agreed upon before. I too was there with him. Isolated. Keeping his secret trying to get through.

What adds I think to the problem of addicts is that there could be a vulnerable genetic and/or surrounding, family, which in return does not help you when you are trying to help the addict. I could see an earlier pattern of how earlier in his life he had caught the eyes of the rest of society and somehow his parent got away with playing the victim and he was pointed at being the problem, but I could tell why he had been like that and it was not that he self medicated because he had a diagnose noone knew about. I would ssy how he reacted was natural and would have been for anyone. He was never one to complain or wanted you to feel sorry for him.

I would seek support, advice on those who lives with addicts. I found myself getting to learn one horror story after another, and not recognizing him, but you know who I recognized among all the stories? My ex, who had had no addiction, but I believe mental health problems. Wasn't him but someone with what he suffered from I am sure.

After I left I would worry about him but had to mentally somehow block that, it was strange to have that simultanously as you go through a break up.

He got help in time.

What I am beginning to learn about myself is that I have all my life been drawn to people who has gone through a great deal, you can tell as there is a part of them that is wiser because of that, more mature, but unfortunately have it not been coped with all the way as it should and if they do have a genetic vulnerability to develop among with other components a mental illness, and/or an addiction, that will be the path they will walk on, that would be our future.

My ex changed to me a lot, he would too leave his gfs along his path.

For me I would say it was hope and a believe before it had gone too far that made me stay with him, and we loved each other, we had a connection which I think was because we had both been through some bad stuff in our past. I was not to know his hell was still not over, but would happen in the middle of our relationship. He should have gone in therapy and should have been described something at times to get him through, but he didn't. His addiction had nothing to do with me, us being in a stormy, troubled relationship because we were not. I suppose what I am ssying is that you can have a connection with someone that is not bad in itself, but if something happens and it blows up in your face, of cource you do what you can for as long as you can to try to save that one.

I think I was both blessed and somewhat cursed during growing up, but I think my exes had it worse or there was something there being more difficult on them than what ever I had.

[Kaneki05]

Of course, though I still would if I liked her and she wasn't bad to me. One of my ex's did cocaine but that wasn't the reason it ended, it ended cause she tried to get me into trouble with my mother by lying about me doing drugs - ya know the irony?
And there was really no reason for it other than she got mad after a minor argument to somehow thought that was a way to get back at me. And she was heavily aware of me and my mother's not so good relations so it did it's job at royally pissing me off and getting rid of her quick as.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, it is not safe or wise. Remember that saving yourself is not selfish; it is the only way to break the cycle and ensure your future well-being. Addicts only care about themselves if they have any caring at all.

[Anonymous]

Most definitely.

[dudeinohio]

Definitely not a good idea

[Anonymous]

I think you have a good point.