My boyfriend went through my phone and now he’s upset with me?

[Anonymous]

For context my boyfriend has been going through all my devices (laptop iPad phone) behind my back for months. I have never once done anything to make him question me or anything shady behind his back and looking through my devices have found nothing.

We had a big discussion yesterday about it but this morning I locked down all my devices. New passwords, Face ID to unlock most apps etc. I have nothing to hide but I don’t like my privacy being invaded and being lied too.

He told me he was doing it because of his anxiety and instead of coming to me about it he went through all my devices for months and lied to me about it. This afternoon I went onto messages and it said I needed Face ID to unlock it and he got extremely upset with me and accused me of hiding things.

I have nothing to hide but I also know how he is and unless he is forced to do something he won’t do it. So locking all my devices down forces him to sit with uncomfortable emotions and thoughts and learn how to regulate his emotions which he Dosnet know how to do.

He has a big issue with regulating himself and he will say he will stop doing something but will continue doing it anyways behind my back and lying to me about it. So now he has no choice but to deal with it.

I am not staying but I don’t know how to have things civil until I m financially able to move out I am trying my best. But I also think him being upset is ridiculous.

[maddog998]

4 & ½ years of dealing with this. I finally walked away, I couldn't handle the pain of always saying I was cheating or hiding stuff.. the first year of our relationship, my phone was always unlocked and he still accused me of cheating, im sorry but if im posting my relationship everywhere and he's not posting me or anything, its sad. He used to snap because someone used to asked me, how I was doing just checking in like friends.. BUT I had full access to his phone, he never put me as his lock screen or even post me but when other girls was hitting him up, he got mad at me for looking threw his phone. Im glad I finally walked the fuck away!

[DishLady]

Bottom line is that “his anxiety” does not warrant a breech of your privacy. Even if you were married that wouldn’t be ok. You’re allowed to have private space and time. MORALLY you should be trusted, otherwise what tf would you be with him.

Let him be mad. If he can’t trust you (which snooping like that indicates) then he’s not worthy of you.

It also is very disturbing how shady HE is willing to be. Tbh I would not be with a guy who is that shady.

[bowenw]

He is the one that has trust issues. That is his problem not yours. He has now broken your trust and will suffer the consequences. Hopefully he will learn from this or get professional help so he can be a better person. In the meantime I suggest you treat him as an adult roommate despite his efforts to drag you down to his level.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[Finchie40]

Time for You to leave that relationship as soon as possible. You have an insecure manipulative POS on your hands , that doesn’t trust you or respect you , He has no right going through your personal things whatsoever

[AI Opinion]

Hey there, love seeker! I'm here to sprinkle some relationship wisdom with a twist of charm and maybe a dash of humor. So, your boyfriend's behavior raises some big red flags and you're right to feel protective of your privacy. You're doing amazing by setting boundaries, and trust me, that’s attractive! Stand your ground, and know it's okay to prioritize your mental well-being. Keep communication open if possible, but remember, respect and trust are essentials in any relationship! Keep smiling, you're taking the right steps! 😎💪

[Lliam]

You were right to lock your devices. And I'm proud of you for realizing that he has issues that make him an unsuitable partner.
I can understand the need to get your resources together before moving out.
You sound intelligent and sane. It's too bad he fucked himself out of a relationship with a good woman.

[Chayce]

Modern dating is so fucking stupid. If you are that paranoid that your partner is cheating why even date. I'm not handing out all of my passwords so my partner can feel "comfortable" and especially for a man to act like that is just weak.

[Smegskull]

I was with you until the last paragraph.

You are planning to leave him and currently just using him for a cheaper living situation and you wonder why he is paranoid and doesn't trust you?

Stop wasting his time and break up now, so he can work on himself and his next attempt at a lifelong partner in peace.

[Alex-Snow]

He needs to grow up! Your devices are yours and it is your privacy. Has it messed with your sex life with him? At any rate I think you can do way better and should dump his butt. Good job on changing all your passwords!!!

[Anonymous]

Wow that's crazy!!! Why would he do that? Even if he has anxiety that's still no excuse for him to behave in such a manner... did you at any time give him reasons not to trust you or to make him have doubts or suspicions? You really need to get out of that fucked up situation that is really messed up

[Opinion Owner]

When you're not using your devices lock them away somewhere like in a draw that has a key or in a small safe so he can't get access to them especially if he has a temper tantrum and tries to break it you don't want all your data and information and contacts lost. Best to lock it away when not in use so he doesn't try to break it if he can't get access to those devices

[Opinion Owner]

Sitting down and talking to him about it won't do any good because he already has trust issues and suspicions. Start treating him like a child. You know how adults talk and treat children the same method applies here

[Abbycado]

You two need a break and possibly forever. He needs to wake up and work on himself. If he can’t, there is no chance.

[AngryCarl2]

Well it's good that you're not staying. If he doesn't respect your privacy then he doesn't respect you.

[spartan55]

Why weren't you locking your devices the whole time?

[slatyb]

Is there anywhere else you could live? You need to get out ASAP.

[msc545]

Keep your devices locked and do not ever let anyone go through them again for any reason. You need to protect your own privacy. Get rid of the boyfriend.

[Pterodon]

Dump him immediately. He’s controlling and untrusting

[NoDecision]

Get a fucking life!!

[PeachyPie93]

You both sound shitty..

[Unycorn]

That was not ok. Big mistake.

[lilBigPotato]

And the question is?

[Iron_Man]

Will you divorce him

[Anonymous]

No wonder.