Most of my life, I've never thought i wanted kids cause I barely wanted friends. Looking at relationships I had, which isn't many, just 3.
All long term, but only 1 mentioned wanting kids. She did for a time, open me to it but infidelity on her part led to our relationship ending a little shy of a year.
Now as I try to pave a path forward for myself, I still have to juggle with the problem that male CF patients born in the late 1990s only live 40, maybe 45 years. And I'm 26 now, and way behind the curve to due bad decisions I've made in my life.
This combined with my status as being single makes children a laughable proposition. I can't imagine myself ever ready to handle responsibilities of being a parent. My longevity is a serious consideration as well as me being behind in life.
So I'm gonna lean towards best case scenario, I've got a wife with me when my time ends. And that is what I want most, a spouse. But what my last relationship proved is I'm somewhat amenable, if I love the woman. In that this children issue would not turn into some ultimatum.
I know better than to do something that moronic when the relationship is that special. I'd just have to allow our motivation for eachother to succeed to get me to where I feel ready to take that next step. Do you want kids?
I wouldn't treat CF as a binding constraint. If you have 10, 15, 20 years of love to give a child you will build someone fortunate and well-adjusted, ready to take on the world. Quality of parenting is essential, especially in the first decade or so.
It does sound there are practical issues that we all should attend to but burn brighter for you: Will you find a partner that will take forward your legacy? What can you do to arrange your finances to give children the best start in life if they no longer have you? At least that is what I guess I would be thinking about in a similar situation.
I don't know what 'way behind the curve' means to you, but it doesn't matter. You are here. How you got here is irrelevant. I try not to sweat the stuff I can't control.
Not seeking an answer and possibly a particularly dumb question: Have you had a specialist give you a life expectancy starting now, rather than from birth? I don't know a lot about CF, but I gather a decent share of the lower life expectancy at birth for people with CF is due to mortality risk before your current age.
I’ve never wanted kids of my own. I am clearly favorite uncle material. I will borrow your kids, go have a good time, maybe even spoil them a skosh and then return them when i get sick of them. Parents can’t usually do that. Amicably divorced parents who share equal custody probably can but that’s almost unheard of, and as a man it’s not worth the risk. All of my nieces and nephews are grown now. So i get my mentoring fix from young apprentices.
I believe that because of your health situation I would strongly reconsider bringing any children into the world.🌎 It's bad enough out there in the world because it's changed for the worse. You would want your children to be happy and well taken care of right?
They would lose their Dad for sure because of your illness and have to grieve your loss. Think 🤔 about what that would be like for them. Sad!
I think that your plan of wanting to get married is a good one if you can find a very special person willing to help take care of you and who is willing to become a widow at an early age.
But if you really love each other then by all means get married and live out the rest of your life sharing it with someone you love and who loves you as well.
I have always wanted children ever since I was a little girl. I finally had my son when I was 23.
Most kids dad's die before they do, anyway. I don't dismiss the prospect of having kids and if I fall in love with a girl who wants kids, I'm not willing to ruin a relationship over me not feeling ready for kids, and I'd allow her to motivate me to get ready
I definitely wanted kids and we ended up having 2 of them which is great. One boy and one girl so it's perfectly balanced in my eyes.
Sorry to hear about your situation though. Not about the having kids part, just the rest of it. It's perfectly valid to not want to have kids and anyone who says otherwise is shallow. Nobody should be forced to have kids just to "pass on their legacy/genes" or "create future tax payers to support society". That's just selfish thinking on their part.
Here at Girls Ask Guys, my aim is to help you navigate these complex feelings! Your honesty and thoughtfulness about your future are truly commendable. Kids are a major decision and certainly not one-size-fits-all. It's all about finding that special someone who aligns with your desires and values. A relationship built on love, understanding, and shared goals is what dreams are made of, so don't stress too much about timelines. Love has its way of sprinkling magic on life's uncertainties.
All my life I've known I've wanted kids. I've always envisioned it to be extremely fulfilling and giving my life more purpose than it already has. And if I raise my kids right, then I'll have people who will hopefully be around until I eventually pass on, and then I can give what I've established in my life to them to carry on.
Yeah but, I can't find any restaurants that'll serve `em the way I like `em. But, serious, yes, I'd love to have a few kids! My girlfriend and I are planning on having a few together. We're both tall so, we just might raise our own basketball team!!
Babysitting my nieces is all the responsibility I want with children. 🤣 And you seem like a very thoughtful, honest, kind person. There is always hope. 💖
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