What ruins a relationship long before it actually ends?

Question

MrChinaski · Accepted Answer

It's a good question and, as all good questions have, has many angles or perspectives to start peeling this onion. So here is one.

Hypotheses:

- Early in a relationship, hope exceeds the real quality or potential of the relationship. You are more likely to start a relationship with someone you over-estimate, than with someone you under estimate.

- There is an expectation that the real quality of the relationship will improve over time as you learn from each other, develop a machinery to deal with the everyday, succeed in resolving conflict and grow together.

So, why do relations spoil?

Early: Hope fades into reality. This is always a downward trend to some degree. And reality isn't good enough to sustain the relationship.

Middle: Growth doesn't occur, for example if one or both partners are scared to take the next step to closer intimacy, and the next, and the next; if the couple don't develop skills together to resolve conflict; if partners stay in their trenches instead of learning to see the world through their partner's eyes too. The trajectory of quality plateus or at least grows more slowly than one or both partners expect or want: 'Around here you need to run just as fast you can to stay where you are'.

Side note: I am doing some work on why many people never find true intimacy in their whole lives. And yes it is the human condition -- I will never be you -- but there are vast differences in the limits of growth in intimacy that different relationships achieve. Add any thoughts in replies GaGgers!!

Late: The underlying quality of the relationship deteriorates. Boredom, mistrust, lies, accumulation of unresolved conflicts, resentments, one party lets themselves go physically or stops being interested in sex, another spends long hours working or fills their time with hobbies. Or unrelated to the relationship, partners grow apart because of their separate experiences at work, study, with friends, etc... in particular when you are young and haven't quite worked out what you want to be before you enter a relationship. People talk a lot about betrayal and cheating, but to me these seem almost always the symptom of declining relationship quality... they say that one partner has reached the point where they just don't care about the relationship anymore.

Just a few random thoughts, anyway.

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

Good question !!

For me it would be:

The resentment that never gets spoken
Emotional withdrawal like when it doesn’t feel worth it or safe anymore to say things ( it won’t help or it will only make things worse , he / she gets so defensive etc etc )
When your curiosity dies and you stop wondering why they feel such a way or need when they do. That’s when you stop trying to understand them more and when curiosity dies , intimacy generally follows.
When conflict becomes personal and attacks on character. From telling them that a behavior is hurting them to “ you always do this or you never do that “
No reciprocity , when unequal becomes the Normal , one always initiates , one always apologises , one always plans and one always fixes.

This doesn’t mean that you jump all over these as soon as they occur thinking that these are the beginning of the end it’s about looking at both your behaviors and constantly choosing each other

miana · Accepted Answer

The one person changing, or effort stopping.

Getting other people involved in your relationship.

Putting other people first in your relationship.

Lies.

Lack of communication, and not being able to talk to your partner without fighting.

Not spending time together.

Only doing what the one partner wants to do.

Getting to busy for each other.

Flirting with someone else.

Hiding stuff.

Talking behind their backs or complaining about them.

Playing the blame game.

Exes involved.

Talking to each other hurtfully.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

When the other person starts changing and you don't know why. 😔 You get that sinking feeling in your gut when that happens and before you know it, it's over.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Here to sprinkle some love wisdom! You'd be surprised how unchecked assumptions and avoidance of tough conversations sneak in and pave the way to Splitsville. Sprinkle in some ghosting or the dreaded silent treatment, and it's a real recipe for disaster. Communication, or the lack thereof, is often the invisible culprit. Remember, a little lovebombing can never fix misunderstandings! 💥❤️ Keep it real, and don’t let the little things fester. You're worth the effort! 😉

Summeroflove · Answer

Let me tell you…. Many people especially dark personalities the relationship is over long before it’s over. Being stuck with a dark personality is the worst because they’re too cowardly to either A tell you there is a problem to work on fixing it or B exit the relationship.

When in these relationships at first you won’t notice it when they have decided to be done with you. Because they will tend to overcompensate. Things will go back to the way they were in the beginning and things will be looking up. This is the extremes…

But eventually you will notice disrespect. They will be out late and won’t feel like they owe you a explanation or will tell something you know is a lie. He might be spending money…. Nothing to show for it. Maybe he’s dressing up too nicely when he used to be casual going out with friends. Yeah… bad signs.

At a certain point you will be so desperate in denial where he (or she) feels like if you’re too stupid to catch on and believe their lies. Too weak to stand up for yourself. Too naive they genuinely believe you deserve it.

You will eventually notice. Lack in effort… Obviously lying. Needless unprovoked drama and negative feelings.

ohsheeT · Answer

Ego is number 1 if there is an ego in any relationship that mean someone has to be right

Not communicating in stead of talking about thing's 1 of them is telling you how it is because that's the way the see it
A lie
. any lie that the start to and ending

And with all the above you have to maintain respect. If you dont and you feel just because you might be butt hurt. You can say anything you want. And you can't.

If it goes that far.. that uselly means your wrong and in some form they hurt you so you think you have to hurt them and if it goes there there is no respect.

You dont just hurt the person with your words because they hurt you no matter. What it is about

Look if you do something in a relationship that you wouldn't want your partner to do then your wrong own it

HawkPerception · Answer

Lack of communication. If you're feeling negative about anything... the lack of effort, feeling unheard, lacking physical affection, things aren't great in the bedroom, your partner is letting it go and you feel less attracted, etc, the solution is always to talk about it with your partner. Not post the question of how to handle the scenario on GaG. Just literally talk about it. But everyone's so afraid to bring it up with their partner in fear of their partner hating or leaving them.

If they leave you, then good! People need to stop getting so offended by every damn thing. Just communicate

serious · Answer

Many things can ruin a relationship. As per my knowledge signs will usually be visible which would indicate that the begininng of the end of a relationship has already started.

1. Jealousy/ Jealousy issues. Like either one partner tries to play manipulative mind games by using jealousy as a card

2. Trust issues.

3. Lack of communication

4. Disrespect or lack of respect towards each other. If there is respect then love and trust will always be there but love and trust without the respect is always bound to end one day. Hence respect is more important than love and trust.

wysiwyg2525 · Answer

1. Sexless relationship is always number one
on the list. (Aka roomat with nos sex)

2. Finance aka money

3. Communication

4. Loyalty

5. Trust

Thease are all deal breaker and they will always end a relationship.

realbiggrin · Answer

Communication skills like passive listening or listening only to reply.

A control freak, with control coming from anywhere or anytype.

Lack of sex and intimacy. Turns lovers into partners. Keep the partners at the work place not you castle.

uzumymw · Answer

Getting stuck in a slump without trying to get out of it. You start losing attraction and communication.

Some relationships are already over before they even start because of that. Some attraction solely happens from bliss and fades quick.

queenofcardio · Answer

Dishonesty, lying, withholding important information

HighValue · Answer

Disloyalty. Things like posting provocative/revealing pictures online which IS cheating. Expecting effort from a partner while not putting in effort yourself. Taking advice from other women. Being a hypocrite. Those all ruin relationships.

RavVid · Answer

I think not wanting to please your partner and not showing appreciation. Sooner or later just taking the resources runs the well dry.

And of course sex is a necessary lubricant in a working sexual relationship.

aaron13547 · Answer

lying about little things. For me actions really speak. When the words dont match, I feel it...

Anonymous · Answer

No physical attraction to one partner by the other partner. Like a younger attractive bitch marrying an older man for his money. When the money runs out the old bastard is shit out of luck if the younger bitch ain't already fucking a younger better looking dick.

molonski2 · Answer

$$$ and selfishness are the general causes , you need adaptation, communication and consolidation to really make it work.

Twalli · Answer

Lack of communication. For some reason, people don't like to communicate their feelings and concerns with their SO. Because of this, the issues keep growing because their partner can't address it. It's never even communicated to them.

beenherebefore · Answer

Lack of commitment. Neglecting each other's needs. Not being a priority in each other's lives. Not making the effort.

AydenHazor · Answer

Lack of trust and/or lack of communication. If you didn't trust your partner and you can't communicate with them about everything, big and little, then it's not going to work out

insatiable_curiosity · Answer

Poor communication, forgetting the other person has needs, and a lack of kindness.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Lack of communication without communication a relationship will fall apart easily.

YourExLover69 · Answer

Lack of communication, misunderstanding, not trusting each other and no respect ruins relationship 💔

dragoblack · Answer

Lack of communication, Lying, hinting at everything, degrading, being controlling... basically just toxic behavior

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Not being able to understand each other and are always fighting...

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Being annoying at least for me. I can't stand that ish at all.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Human psychology, we're not set up to mate for life as well as some other species.

Anonymous · Answer

When he started talking shit about me behind my back, trust flew out the window and I knew it was done for me

jazzy34 · Answer

One or both partners stop putting in any effort.

Anonymous · Answer

Lesbianism girls that like other girls and cheat

Massageman · Answer

Lack of communications.

exitseven · Answer

When people stop caring.

lilBigPotato · Answer

Jealousy.

AgentG111 · Answer

Distrust and Lies.

Shiprex · Answer

Apathy, cheating

KennethNoisewater · Answer

Lies, cheating and stealing

Batwoman01 · Answer

Lying

Bloodparadise · Answer

Angry hurtful words

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

For me its lies the kills a relationship slowly

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Indifference.

iguessbihh · Answer

Disrespect and lies.

MicahRaine · Answer

Apathy

stratford · Answer

Lack of sex

DirtyOldMan777 · Answer

being a feminist, no respect

Fʊʟʟʍօօn · Answer

cigarette alcohol..

jahaims · Answer

Immaturity

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Nitpicking

Shortkay45685 · Answer

Loss of respect

noohair · Answer

Lying...

In_Trance · Answer

Mismatched values

msc545 · Answer

Contempt.

MereAnarchy · Answer

Fear.

MasterKS · Answer

Lack of sex.

qwerty2469 · Answer

Living together.

What ruins a relationship long before it actually ends?

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