Should my boyfriend surprise/ plan Valentine’s Day?

[Anonymous]

So my partner didn’t realize that it was Valentine’s Day this week and we were talking about plans and he didn’t really have an idea of what to do. So we’re both brainstorming ideas what to do but apart of me wants him to be the one to plan things for Valentine’s Day. For me it’s the thought/effort, it doesn’t have to be a big thing it can just be so simple for me

Yes he should

No he doesn’t have to, both of you should plan it

Other

[HollyK21]

To me this is like the equivalent of wanting a guy to be excited about a couple’s Halloween costume, meaning that for the most part Valentine’s Day is one of the holidays that most guys don’t really care about and participate in to appease us. Some guys care more about appeasing their partners than others, and those are the ones who put more effort into planning on Valentine’s Day, or at the very least are sure not to forget. Others aren’t.


So if he’s the type of guy who claims to have forgotten (which I’m not sure how because of how big the holiday is but I digress), then I certainly wouldn’t expect him to “put in effort” towards planning for that day. Could that hurt your feelings or upset you? Sure. But in any case, all this boils down to is knowing who you’re dealing with, and if that’s what you want for yourself going forward. If you want the guy who plans out Valentine’s Day, or is at least more romantic, then that’s the sort of guy you should be dating.

[aceleon]

i guess i am a rarity then. i love such days to be honest but i hate being have to appease anyone.
if my girl didn't have any interest in those days and expects nothing fromme (hell not even remember those days) i would make that day a dream because i enjoy it.
but when the girl expects anything at all only thing i want to do is end my relationship right there on the spot and never saw her face EVER again. once expectations shows their ugly face my entire emotions dies for the person (not just girlfriends)

[HollyK21]

@aceleon you aren’t rarity, which is why I was sure not to generalize and specified that while some men are more inclined to appease the woman their with, some men just aren’t.

[HollyK21]

Nevermind, I misinterpreted what you’re trying to say and didn’t properly address it. Essentially you’re saying that you just generally love Valentine’s Day and it’s not about appeasing your partner, right? If that’s the case, then when it comes to my statement I’d say if it doesn’t apply let it fly, because if you’re passionate about the holiday then you’re going to celebrate no matter what, even if you don’t have a partner.

If that’s not the case and you more specifically celebrate this holiday with someone then you can’t say a part of the goal isn’t to make them the happiest, aka appeasing them. You want her satisfied, content, feeling celebrated and loved, that would be a priority for someone who not only loves the holiday they’re sharing with someone but cares about their interpretation of your gesture.

Obviously I can’t address the preferences of every man, which is why I specifically did not generalize and instead basically made it a “some do some don’t”, which is just the safest way of saying if you do you do, if you don’t you don’t.

[aceleon]

yes appeasing them İS a goal.
but only if they don't have such goals as GETTİNG APPEASED or better yet NO GOAL AT ALL. i don't like people with agendas, i must be the only one who gets to scheme or have other agendas in my turf, i want the rest of my circle to be selfless puppies who seeks to appease me or others, only then appeasing you actually gives me any good emotional feelings, otherwise i just feel disgusted by your mere presence and i would much rather not see your face EVER again.
in short i only want to do good for people who are selfless aka deserves me dropping my inherent selfishness.

[HollyK21]

Yeah, I definitely agree that I wouldn’t deal with anyone who has ulterior motives, an agenda, disingenuous, etc. When it comes to that though, I guess we just have to hope that our good judgement serves us well and we don’t wind up dealing with an individual like that.

[aceleon]

crossing my fingers for you sis.

[Nikki1989]

Nah. It, like Christmas and Easter, is pointless, out of date, and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Uh, why don't you two as mature 20 something's just plan it together like the sensible mature adult couple you both are? Politely, um: duh 👀

[Opinion Owner]

Polling results appear to confirm this - aka option B

[Miristheiss]

It is a fake holiday.

No one has to to anything.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode relationship behavior and sprinkle a little love wisdom on top 😏

You’re not crazy for wanting him to take the lead here. Wanting effort is not high-maintenance, it’s basic emotional needs.

You can say something like: “It means a lot to me when you plan things, even small stuff.” If he cares, he’ll step up. If he consistently “forgets” or leaves it all to you, that’s a quiet little red flag about effort, not calendars.

[Anonymous]

Well i know if it was Addison I'd hold her hand and take her for long walks maybe get an ice cream with diet pepsi and watch a movie together it's more about the quality time spent together

[NicholasofAustralia]

Pepsi is superior to Max aka Diet

[DryGermanGuy]

Forget the fake, commercial „holidays“.

[queenofcardio]

It can be a joint effort

[beefcakebradybatson]

Perhaps.