Should I get angry at my boyfriend if he doesn't plan anything on Valentines Day?

Question

We've been together for two months, and he is a really nice guy, also very mature (he is 30 I am 24). However he is not romantic at all, and probably doesn't even celebrate Valentines Day. Like this stuff seems childish or maybe unnecessary to him. His head is with his career right now and on bigger priorities. This week he is opening a new club with his friends and is so focused and busy. He's been working really hard for it for a long time and has a lot of responsibilities on his shoulders. Thus we haven't discussed Valentines at all even though its this weekend. ON THE DATE OF HIS CLUB'S OPENING. So we probably won't be doing shit, and I feel kinda sad and selfish, but it is my first valentines with a boyfriend and I was kinda hoping he'd do something for me. Anyways I already got him a painted canvas for his new room which he was dying to buy, and am planning on giving it to him on Valentines. However if he didn't buy me anything or plan anything for me, giving him this huge gift will make me seem like I'm the only one doing the effort in the relationship. What do I do? Also if he doesn't plan anything for me at all, should I feel sad? Or be mad at him?

JDMFS · Accepted Answer

If he has more important things going this weekend why can't you guys wait and do your own Valentine's day whenever it's more convenient? First and foremost I suggest u mention it and at least talk about it. If he's very mature then put your big girl pants on and address the topic with him like an adult. All u have to say is something like "I know u are tied up this weekend so I was thinking maybe we could do something for Valentine's day next weekend instead, what do u think? That way if he's totally oblivious u bring it to his attention, u make it clear u want to do something to celebrate it, and it gives him an extra week to get his shit together. Best of all, he will appreciate that u communicated what u were hoping for to him instead of keeping it a secret then being sad or mad. That's a good strategy if u want to get rid of a quality guy, not keep one. If a girl gets upset with me about something I overlooked or I wasn't aware of, and instead of bringing it to my attention so I know it exists and is important to her, she just waits for me to unknowingly fail so I can be an asshole and she can pout or be mean to me about it, I'm going to get her a dozen rocks for her to go kick as an apology.
... so my girlfriend had something that was upsetting her I was inadvertently doing and she just bottled it up n didn't say anything until it became a huge issue and then I tried so hard to correct it that I rearranged my whole schedule and was only getting 2-4hrs sleep a night for like 3 months. Ultimately the root of the problem ended up being she was neglecting things she wanted to get done at home to come over and I was getting things I needed to do done while she was over. she was feeling like she was trying and I wasn't cuz she was neglecting things she wanted to do to spend time with me and felt like I wasn't trying cuz I wasn't neglecting my life too. nothing I do in that situation will make happy cuz I'm not the problem. Once we got to the bottom of it I told her I didn't want her to neglect her life to spend time with me, I wanted to be a positive addition to her world not take away from it. That being said, I'm fucking pissed off I've been killing myself doing all my house work and communicating with the outside world starting at about 9pm after she left and only getting 2-4hrs sleep most nights cuz I said I would pay more attention to her and I made it my top priority every single day just like I said I would. For no fucking reason whatsoever cuz I wasn't the actual problem. she's the love of my life, we had been together about 2 years at that point, that was our 1st fight. It also happened that I told her it was her one and only warning to never do that again. All I ask is she tell me if something is wrong. If she can't do that for me then I can't be with her. That still stands today too. So talk to him👍

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

This highlights the problems that sometimes arise in age difference relationships. Your priorities are not aligned and you are frustrated.

Getting mad means that you think you are right and he is wrong and, obviously, he should drop his plans for opening his business and just spend the night with you. Recessed that way, you can probably see that there is another perspective that is quite different.

Perhaps you two are not a good match and you should go your separate ways. Being committed to higher priorities may be something that is in your future but not now. That's okay. Just recognize the situation for what it is and learn a lesson from the experience.

Can_I_Get_a_Do-Over · Accepted Answer

Oh em gee! Only 2 months and you’re going to start giving him a hard time?

Do you like him or not? Do you like him as he is? Or do you want to make him into your idea of the perfect boyfriend?

—> Complaining is NOT going to get him to want to do those things for you.. or be around you.

—> Compliment him sincerely on the things he does that you’d like him to do more of. Be specific, “Nick, when you remembered my favorite ____, I felt like I mattered to you.”
“Oh, Nick! That’s so nice of you to ____. I feel like I can trust you.”

• You already know he’s not romantic.

• You already know he’s busy with a lot of responsibilities.

• You already plan to be mad or sad depending on the advice here.

JUST BE NICE TO HIM! Your boyfriend owns a nightclub! You’re going to be at the grand opening! Now that’s the best Valentine’s Day date ever!

Don’t be a spoiled, unappreciative, immature little girl. Your boyfriend is a man who needs a supportive grown woman who adds value to his life, not selfish demands.

mne25 · Accepted Answer

It is tricky because its on the day of the opening. Look, its the day his very dream is coming true, so you shouldn't get mad that you won't spend time, its reasonable completely. But I think he should still get you a tiny something, and give it to you in some days prior or before, or just even simply text you a cute message for valentines. If he completely ignores Valentines, like doesn't even mention it any days around it, its not the bussines thing in the way, but its likely he wouldn't do that even if it wasn't for the bar opening. I feel like in your particular situation its perfectly understandable he can't do something big and unique, but too many people blame their lack of ability to be romantic on special dates to bussyness, lack of money, lack of idea etc. They miss the point, we dont want the gift, we want the tought behind it.

sejla · Answer

I'm sure he will be busy with his club on Valentine's Day.

Have you told him anything that you are feeling?

Tell him you know he'll be busy on Valentine's Day so you like to do something with him on another day so you can celebrate it on the other day.

What have you bought him for Valentine's Day? Buy yours early and give it to him early since he will be busy and see what he says.

Anonymous · Answer

First of all, no one can or should be telling you how to feel. If it makes you angry and sad, that's how it makes you feel. If you view your feelings as inconvenient for his life and career, then I'd say you may have bigger issues in your relationship. Either he is saying things that are meant to try to make you feel bad and you are responding to them with this insecurity, or you are stifling yourself from expressing and fully acknowledging your emotions. Neither is healthy.

Talk to him about how you feel. You could do this before or after. You could wait and see - your anxiety could be unfounded and he may surprise you. But you have to make peace with the fact that you aren't saying anything until it happens and try to let that temper your anger. If he doesn't give you anything, then you can use that as a way to start a conversation about what your love languages are (look it up) and what valentines day and romance mean to you, how they make your feel, etc. Your feelings, preferences, wants, and needs are just as important as his. You could also do this beforehand. Just bring up "I was talking to some coworkers about valentines day today and I realized there are so many opinions about this... I acknowledge that some people feel x... but for me, I just love showing care through gestures/romance, etc." Could be a show you heard about valentines day, or just that you started thinking about it since it's coming up, etc. Just a way to introduce the conversation and communicate how appreciated romantic gestures make you feel without angrily asking, "so you gonna get me anything or what?"

If he's right for you, he will take your expression of how you feel as a direct cue to have something ready. If he doesn't, you may not be a good match.

glennt72 · Answer

If you know he isn't really romantic, don't be surprised if he gives you nothing. Most guys see Valentine's Day as a necessary evil that is forced upon us by the Card and Flower industry. Not something to look forward to happening.
Is your boyfriend the practical type? If so, does he treat you special and right every day?
Since you said he's extremely busy opening a new business and isn't romantic... I doubt he'll give you anything. But since you you've only known him 2 months, you may be pleasantly surprised. Either way, you should not be mad at him.
If he doesn't, talk to him about Valentine's Day and how important it is to you.. Always communicate and be honest to your partner. Tell him exactly what you expect, we're not mind readers.

M1k3y · Answer

He could always have a secret plan for something small on the day, you never know.
However you may have to hint at the fact you like romantic things, things are still new and he might just be used to someone who didn't celebrate it.
You can always celebrate the opening if he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day, then going out before or after is normally more romantic as you can go places that are quieter than when they're on Valentine's Day.
Hope that he does have something planned for you and that you two have a lovely day, whenever you celebrate it x

AndyOh · Answer

Given that you two just started dating, I would not be too mad at him. Plus, as you said, he is really busy with this project.
Sooo, he might surprise you with something on Valentines Day, except that is the day his club is opening, so he will probably be pretty busy that day.
If he is not romantic, like you say, then expect the rest of your relationship with him to be pretty much the same, now and years from now. Just a thought for you to think about.
Good luck and Happy Valentine's Day!

Alice2398 · Answer

Its only been two months and he probably doesn't want to go to extra and creep you out. Valentines is always a awkward one for new couples as they don't always know exactly were they stand with each other yet.

Also valentines isn't just for women, its for men too. You shouldn't just expect him to do all the work especially when he's probably stressed opening his new business. You should have bought this up a couple weeks ago like i did with my boyfriend to remind him so he could be prepared and we discussed plans together. Plus valentines day isn't that special its just abit of fun and a way to make money. There shouldn't be a special day for you and him to show each other how you feelings about each other.

Finchie40 · Answer

If he doesn’t do anything for you especially after being only together for 2 months you have every right to be upset and sad , if he really likes you he will at least get ya flowers or take ya to dinner etc.. but if he doesn’t do anything for ya then that is pretty messed up and you should really reconsider being
With someone like that cuz especially in a new relationship it’s those things that matter. When you are with him for 10 years then he can skip Valentine’s Day lol

Anonymous · Answer

What's more important is how he treats you all the other days of the year. Does he put his own needs first.
For example: I know he's busy with his business but if you're sleeping with him, does he have time to have sex with you. If he can make time to get an orgasm, he can make time to be romantic outside of the bedroom.

Please do yourself a favor, hon, and read "Woman to Women" (free from kobo books). It's great at seeing your current relationship in a clearer light, touching on aspects you might be too close to the relationship to see.

I think that's really nice that you're going to give him your gift on Valentine's Day. Hopefully he'll do something nice for you, too - especially if you helped him set up his business.

Anonymous · Answer

Why would you be mad at him for doing exactly what you expect of him? You must have sort of known how he we when you began dating and you've stayed with him for 2 months and there is still a lot of growing. It would be silly to get angry with him for doing what you expected.

Valentine's Day is a bunch of BS. They overpriced the Hell out of shit for one day. You should have a man who makes you feel special every day of the year without the need of exchanging gifts or for a special event to tell you to do so. You got him a gift, it will be something that he appreciates since it's something he had his eye on; this may, in turn, result in him purchasing a gift for you.

djmzes · Answer

Simple  The day you understand love, it will be the day you will realize how superficial valentine day is.

maddog998 · Answer

I'm 21 & my man is 33, we have nothing planned. Honestly I wouldn't get mad over a stupid day... who knows he can be planning something big when the club and everything is going on. I honestly hate celebrating Valentine's day cause what's the point, when your in a relationship and you can celebrate each others love anyday of the week.

ecfresh · Answer

Did you ask him to plan a nice dinner? Did you ask him for a rose? You have been dating for two months, he can’t read your mind. If you expect to get something and he doesn’t get you anything then being mad is on you. Without asking for what you want, it’s nearly impossible for him to step up and deliver.

rjroy3 · Answer

Just take "should" out of your vocabulary.

Does it make you feel sad/mad/angry? If not, then don't worry about it. If so, then that's another issue and you can focus on what to do about it. Focusing on what "should" be doesn't matter.

What is?

Mickey9999 · Answer

Why is the day such a big deal. What if he’s planning some great romantic getaway for another weekend? Is that good enough? You’ve been with him TWO months and already keeping score? What happened to just living someone or better to give than receive. Great you got him a gift but you’re already basing it what he is going to do for you. That’s not a true gift. It’s an exchange or trade. Think about it...

Mamaganja · Answer

Men don’t know what you want unless you tell them. Just tell him you’d like to exchange gifts and make the day special for you both. If he knows you want this, and decides not to do it... he doesn’t care and I’d move on. Something important to my partner would be important to me.

madgoat · Answer

I think you've over invested in Valentine's. A lot of guys don't see Valentine's as anything much.
He's obviously very focused on a major milestone in a major project.
It's OK to feel as you do, but accept that it's OK he possibly doesn't feel the same. Don't take your disappointment out on him.

Felinegirl · Answer

You are completely allowed to do something yourself. The point of gifts is they're given freely and don't need anything materialistic in return. Don't expect anything, and be the warm and generous person either way - he'll love you for it and you'll be confident and mature.
And you can ask him if he would like to plan a romantic date soon once he has time to celebrate Valentine's anyways. There's no need to stick to the 14th.

SocialNinja · Answer

My boyfriend and I have a similar age gap and have been together for a few months as well. I am his first girlfriend ever.

We talked about what Valentine's day means to each of us and what we would like. We settled on being happy with what the other wants to do to surprise us.

Communication is everything. Never expect anything from anyone if the pair for you haven't really talked about if the day is important or not. Just be open and honest and sincere and ask him to do the same.

Usernamesrdumb · Answer

Well as someone that has worked in night clubs the majority if their life, Valentines day is a great day to open and should be profitable.

i think the point of vday is to be together, not a physical thing. If just ask if I could help. Maybe you two be a good team.

John_Doesnt · Answer

Ooh, 2 whole months and you're expecting free things and fancy dinners. Get ready to be dumped on Valentines. I suggest naming a cockroach after him.

Should I get angry at my boyfriend if he doesn't plan anything on Valentines Day?

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