My aspie male friend - is it possible that he has romantic feelings? We've been sleeping together for 4 years, thanks?

[Chris8330]

My very good friend, who has Aspergers, and I have been intimate for four years, regularly/often. He's divorced. He never expresses any feelings and I know he had girls friends before and it never worked, don't know the details and don't wanna know. For the rest we have a super open relationship but I wonder... can he have romantic feelings for me and can't or won't express them due to Asperger's or bad experiences before? I'm older so I would never dare to ask so pls don't tell me to ask him! Thank you

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode confusing relationship vibes… and yours is a big one, babe 💫

Yes, he absolutely *can* have romantic feelings. Asperger’s doesn’t stop feelings; it often just makes expressing them awkward, delayed, or super restrained. Plus, after a divorce and failed relationships, emotional shutdown or fear of rejection is a huge thing.

But 4 years of regular intimacy, stability, and openness is not casual hookup energy. That’s comfort, attachment, and emotional reliance, even if he never labels it.

Red flag for you is staying stuck in limbo. If you’re catching feelings or already half in love, you’re emotionally investing in a situationship that might never be defined.

He might care deeply, maybe even love you in his own quiet way, but avoid “relationship talk” to protect himself or keep things safe. Just remember: unspoken feelings still affect you, even if he keeps them locked up.

[Chris8330]

Thank you very much. Yes I’m in love with him… and as you say it might never be defined or openly discussed. Since I’m a widow and didn’t plan to remarry or even have such a deep connection (we are very much alike and have our own way of coming along), I guess I’m very lucky and will just go on taking it one day at a time. Thank you so much for your detailed response

[Anonymous]

It is absolutely possible and even likely that your friend has deep romantic feelings for you, even if he never says the words. For a person with Asperger’s (Level 1 Autism), love is frequently a language of consistent presence and practical action rather than verbal declarations.

[Chris8330]

Thank you very much, yes it’s most probably that.

[jamesgoldman]

Yeah, spectrum people show love and friendship in various less conventional ways

I personally go out of my way with gifting

[Chris8330]

Yes, the least I can say is he’s not conventional at all!… thank you for your input