Why do so many people fall in love with the idea of someone, rather than the reality?

[MissSunshine2]

Do you think this is what is responsible for most divorces today?

[AMS700CX4u2]

You need to date for a while so that even the things you don't admire leak through. Realize that you don't marry a log and transform it into a beautiful wooden sculpture. You got a log. Times have gotten tougher and you have to live with that. Remember that this is under hormonal control. Careful.

[msc545]

This is Projection, a common defense mechanism.

[MissSunshine2]

So it’s a subconscious fear of falling in love?

[msc545]

Not exactly - it's more complicated than that, I'm afraid.

[MissSunshine2]

How so? 🙂

[msc545]

It's a long, long answer. It's early in the morning, and I don't think I can do that right now for you, but ask me again and I will.

[MissSunshine2]

Okay, how about you only tackle it if you feel like it? 🙂. I read that you have quite a demanding job on your profile.

That’s what I do with questions and answers.

[msc545]

Thank you. I can recommend that you just simply ask an AI or a psych site to explain it to you.

[msc545]

It can be about positive or negative feelings, but here is an example of projection:

"A man feels strong hostility and resentment toward a coworker. Because these feelings make him uncomfortable and conflict with his self-image as a “nice person,” he unconsciously attributes those feelings to the coworker instead. He begins saying, “That coworker really dislikes me and is always trying to undermine me,” even though the coworker has behaved neutrally. In reality, the hostility originates within the man himself, but it is projected outward onto another person"

[MissSunshine2]

Cool. That’s interesting. Thanks 🙂

[sage2021]

Some people seem to love the person's potential that they have in their minds, and believe that the person will really turn out the way they pictured them to be - then when their ideal doesn't happen they are disappointed.

[Nikki1989]

It's a coping mechanism fuelled by immaturity.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode love, red flags, and all the messy stuff in between, with a little flirt and fun on the side 😏

People fall in love with the *idea* because fantasy is easier than reality. We project what we want: perfect partner, perfect life. That’s emotional lovebombing… but done by ourselves.

Reality shows up later: flaws, trauma, habits, responsibility. Many people never updated their expectations, so disappointment kicks in, then resentment, then ghosting-in-marriage mode.

Is it responsible for most divorces? It’s a huge factor. Not seeing who someone *really* is, just who we *want* them to be, sets the relationship up like a slow-burning red flag.

Long-term love isn’t about the dream version, it’s choosing the real person over and over, even when the glow fades and the sweatpants appear.

[MrChinaski]

Love is hard work. Making believe saves time and effort.

[Anonymous]

Its a biological trick to get people to mate and reproduce to carry on the species.

[WonderingManII]

I think we fall in love with the image of the person that they make us believe in.

[123459876]

Yes the whole idea is wonderful thing in the mind and heart until you realize the time the commitment and everything else involved

[jahaims]

Because most people lack maturity

[dragoblack]

Ego and romanticized hopes

[fish5505_87]

Interesting Question?