Do men also lose dating value if they have kids or major baggage before 30?

Question

As a 27 year old single, childless woman myself who’s never been married, I’d date a 21 year old guy before I date a guy my age who has a child and a baby mama. I think the 21 year old would be more suitable because he less likely has kids, hasn’t partied a lot, or been around much, and wants to grow with someone else who doesn’t have kids or much baggage.

If men can have their standards then so can women but I refuse to date a guy with kids. Why should I have to clean up their mess? I want my own family and I get it shit happens but I wanna experience my first everything with someone else who I’ll also be their first.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

A quick Google search gave me these results with AI.

No, men generally do not lose dating value as they get older; in fact, many studies and social trends suggest their value tends to increase. While physical attractiveness may peak earlier, men often become more desirable with age due to accumulated resources, higher social status, maturity, and increased financial stability.

Key Aspects of Male Dating Value with Age
Resources and Stability: Men often gain financial stability and social status as they age, which are highly valued by many potential partners.
Maturity and Confidence: Increased life experience often results in greater confidence and emotional maturity, making older men more attractive.

Widening Dating Pool: While some studies indicate men tend to prefer younger women as they age, many older men continue to be attractive to a wide range of partners, including younger women, due to their established lifestyles.

Delayed Marriage Trends: As the average age of marriage increases, single men in their 30s and beyond are increasingly considered desirable and experienced partners.

Exceptions and Nuances
Self-Development is Key: The increase in value is not automatic; it often depends on a man having developed himself through career and personal growth.

Physical Changes: While men may not face the same "biological clock" pressure as women, they still experience physical changes and declining health, which can affect dating, notes a YouTube video.

Relationship Goals: For long-term relationships, women often prioritize maturity and competence, which favors older men, but this requires the man to have cultivated these traits.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Single dads aren’t really the same as single moms. Some are, but a lot of them aren’t. For one most single dad’s aren’t going to ask her to provide for his child or provide protection. In order for a man to get his child the mother has to have been really messed up mentally. A lot of women will bring men around their kids early, most men won’t. I didn’t introduce my son to my girl till about a year later. We usually don’t need that type of support like women. Women come home, she’s exhausted, doesn’t want to deal w the kids so relies on the man to do it. Men do what they need to do. Happiness of the children comes first before mine as a parent. Usually for women it’s their happiness first. Not to mention a woman’s emotions tend to run down into their kids. So then you end up w feminine boys who are emotional. That’s not to say there aren’t some mothers who can handle it alone, but most can’t. Women tend to say they’re mentally stronger than men but most aren’t. I think a lot of women who say they won’t date a single father say that because men say that. Yes there are some legitimate crazy baby mamas out there who may deter some women from dating a single father, but I think it’s more so well of the men can say it we can too.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

“Major baggage” … wow.

To me having kids isn’t quite the saddlebag a lot of people on here seem to think it is.

MAJOR BAGGAGE would have to be some massive psychological glitch (like PTSD over major trauma). It’s not supposed to refer to someone who perhaps has a kid and is generally happy in life but perhaps looking for a relationship.

For instance, someone who is delusional and ultimately socially dysfunctional because they think they can date whomever they please infinitely (overusing apps till they’re desensitized to what affection or attraction actually are) is much worse off than a single parent sincerely looking to date.

As for “dating value” … no, I don’t think a person’s VALUE as a human being hinges on whether they have kids. That’s a very insulting and reductive notion.

KimmySchmit · Accepted Answer

No. Unless they have the majority of the custody.

With single mothers they usually have the majority of custody so any guy looking to get serious with them is likely going to end up taking care of kids financially that are not his in some way and dealing with her kids that probablydont like or respect him. Also the majority of her time is taken up looking after her kids and they are her first priority not the new man.

This is generally not the case with most single fathers who in 90% of cases dont have the majority of the child custody or none at all. Guys that do have kids the majority of the time are avoided by single women like the plague.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to decode dating dynamics and save you from walking red-flagged landmines 😏

You’re 100% allowed to have that standard. Men absolutely lose dating value to a lot of women when they have kids, crazy exes, or heavy baggage before 30.

You’re not “cleaning up their mess” wrong; you’re protecting your future. Wanting your firsts with someone whose slate is also clean is valid, healthy, and not selfish at all.

Finchie40 · Answer

I am a single father and most the girls’ I have dated didn’t seem to be bothered by me having kids’ already , but it’s probably because my kids’ are older and pretty much on their own. If they were little it might be a different story , Why I am honest when I meet a girl I am interested in in and pretty
Much lay everything on the table for her so she can decide on whether she wants to be with me or not , I don’t blind side anyone. But like you said everyone has their own preferences of what they will accept and not accept. Honestly I think it’s the other way around , Single mom’s tend to lose value more than single dad’s do. Mainly because single guys’ don’t really give a single mom a chance , Men are more territorial , than girls’ are when it comes to relationships and most of them want a childless girl. I can’t speak for everyone but from my experiences and things I witnessed that seems to be the case. Also I never expect a girl that I am dating to take care of my kids’ whatsoever, they are my responsibility not hers’ , so I never put that on her whatsoever. Most times I didn’t even introduce my kids’ to her until I feel she is in it for the long haul and not the short haul , because whoever I date is not my kids’ business, unless her and I get serious. , again my kids’ are older so it doesn’t seem to be a big deal to the girls’ I have dated

Avicenna · Answer

LOL, a 21-year-old is not guaranteed to NOT have partied much, plus he may still want to do a lot of partying while the 30-year-old MIGHT be done with that phase of his life. Anyway, while it's certainly better for you when a guy doesn't have any kids yet, that 21-year-old is likely to be too immature for you. Depending on the guy, he might not be making much money yet either (yes, this can be a problem at any age, including 30, but it's less likely).

AviatorTom · Answer

Sadly, I think this premise is correct.

It's much easier for a man to have a relationship with a single mother and become a step-father, than for a woman to have a relationship with a single father and become a step-mother.

front2back · Answer

No one actually properly cold and down to Earth will give you much shit for that, but the problem is you are describing a hypothetical that rarely matches reality. That said, maybe in your specific "community" this thing may be more common.

Rarely are there actual functional, productive men in society that have a lot of "baggage" (expound maybe?) and are dragging along kids with them. Again, might be an issue with your specific "community".

To answer your question at face value though, yes, few women are going to want to pick up a man who has children he occasionally takes care of from a woman he never wed nor was he widowed. Streets flow both ways and you aren't wrong for not wanting to deal with that, but you also have to accept the biological reality that most (not all) women find good partners later in life rather than former. To me there isn't an issue with you possibly wanting a guy a few years younger to start a family with as realistically you could have 2-4 kids without issues with the time you have left, but don't let hypotheticals control your life.

Screenwriter · Answer

According to you, yes, because you don't want to date someone who has other commitments with a former spouse or is co parenting with someone.

IT's all according to your point of view. You may prefer a childless man, but many men have had relationships that involve them having children by age 30.

I'd want to weigh all the pros and cons of a potential partner and not write them off only because of children. You might miss an otherwise great person.

Cyfris · Answer

Hot take but a 21 year old man with less experience is likely to desire more experience then settling down where as man who has fucked around and found out is more likely to want security. You certainly can have standards I wouldn't want to diminish that in anyway. And there are men that act like wild dogs don't get me wrong but I would say the majority of average men are not that.

Anonymous · Answer

Okay. Let me explain this to you. The reason men suggest women lose value as they age is due to the very real fact that once a woman is in her 30's her fertility goes way down, and once she is in her 40's it's almost gone.

Men don't contend with this issue, we remain potent until we die.

And no it's not her value as a person I am talking about, that never changes. Im talking about her value as a mate, someone to reproduce with. This is why, no matter how old a man is, women in their 20's remain attractive to them. This isn't societal, or some kind of goddamn construct, this is straight up biology and genetics, as well as evolution. And no, it's not sexism either.

If fertility was not part of the equation, you wouldn't see men in their 40's and older with young women in their 20's. It just wouldn't be a thing.

Sadly this is something that a lot of women either refuse to grasp, or are incapable of grasping.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Probably not as much. There really isn't a stigma to being a single dad. Most single dads who have primary or full custody have that because they are widowed or were awarded that by the courts because the mother was incarcerated or unfit. It is much harder for the dad to get custody than the mom. In fact, his being responsible might attract women.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm 30 and currently looking for a husband. A man with kids is the biggest turn off for me personally. Only people with low standards would go for a baby daddy. The baby mama is usually never nice either.

molonski2 · Answer

They will be far worse , more self centered , no ( little ) responsibility , possibly more violent , players , confused , and even want a mother figure if they DONT have the responsibility of children.

Your 21 year old example - those that exist like that , want zero responsibility , a good empty and a mother , it simply never works.

4ngelic · Answer

i think to most women yes, except ones that already have kids, a previous marriage, etc.

i'm 25 and like most people my age i don't have kids, never been married/engaged or have much baggage at all. i'm only interested in guys who haven't started that chapter of their life yet and are where i'm at in life. at my age no one wants to be a stepmom or deal with ex wives etc

OneViewpoint · Answer

Yes, of course. A single dad has all of the potential problems that come with a single mom. And I can see why a single woman would be reluctant to take on the guy + his kids + his ex. This isn't a gender thing. It's a complexity and risk thing.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I don't think so, I've seen desperate women sweep the unsuspecting guy with kids up... so she can make her own kids. No guarantee how the new woman treats the female daughter though... unless the heart of that woman is gold, they often function l ike an animal and possessive of their own offspring, trauma to the existing offspring to result.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Not really.
Single dads are fetishized and romanticized by women

The logic is “he’s mature enough to he a father because he already is”

Of course it’s not for everyone

But it’s not a major struggle

Then again many single moms don’t struggle either

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I don't see kids as baggage so no, not to me. They don't lose value. I'll look at him and see if he's a good, loving father to that child.

Baggage to me is trust issues, insecurity, anger issues, lying, manipulating, threatening, ... That is where I draw the line. But if you just don't want to date a person who has kids, then to You, that person lost value. To me, if the kid's sweet then I'm going to be very happy!

UrLoveMocha · Answer

I used to wonder about things like that, but I think it’s all just a preference. Joe Rogan married a single mother, so, it worked out for him and her… I know people who’ve dated single mothers and they appear happier than the my friends who don’t have kids. I think it’s all about expectations and being realistic and doing what works for you.

Med_guy1978 · Answer

Kids are never baggage in a negative way, in fact a single man with children tells you he's either a loving and responsible man or for some circumstance has had the honour and blessing of looking after his children. The baggage I'd say is the emotional baggage of a woman who has made bad decisions through life picking wrong guys and now in her 40's is looking for financial stability.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm 28 and have a similar outlook to you. I don't see myself falling for single mother anytime soon. I'm way more inexperienced than anyone would probably guess, so I'm ideally looking for someone who could be my first and last everything. I know my situation is unusual and wouldn't have chosen it, so I would discriminate against some with a different experience.

AgentG111 · Answer

It all depends on what each human is looking for. Single / divorced parents can be the best and most stable humans you know or meet and can provide the best outcome of a relationship depending on why and what happened.

At the same point what caused the divorce or the event that led to them being single?

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Value is determined by another person, in this particular case with you the man losses value because its something you aren't interested in and that's your personal choice.

In the general sense men don't lose value if he has a kid or kids because nearly all of the time the child is with the mom anyways.

XXblack88 · Answer

I was rise by a single father and all the women he dated where single mothers so I don't think you have much to worry about. We all have deal breaker so if you have no desire to a single father your saving him the trouble of investing in you

alice55 · Answer

Yes they do because a lot of Young women don’t want to deal with the other woman or kids or be held down by kids (like not being able to travel and such)

RavVid · Answer

Overall I think women are less tolerant of men who have children than the reverse. Some revenue goes to neither them or their own children.

demonics · Answer

No. Source: Women

MrChinaski · Answer

This isn't even a question. It's just a statement of your personal preference. I think you are looking for GirlsRantAtGuys. com

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Yes, definitely. A lot of women don't want the headache of dealing with another woman's kids.  This seems to be an issue that neither gender makes much bones about.

LuciusTheOdd · Answer

I don’t know if that is the case, But I do agree with your logic and reasoning, So if that is the standards you want to go by I fully support it.

Nikki1989 · Answer

It doesn't work like that. Most men have little value until they hit 30 or much older. Having kids or no kids is largely irrelevant.

Ariesman81 · Answer

You should definitely go younger. Younger partners are generally more submissive and eager to please. You'll have all the authority and responsibility. Get to make all the decisions. It's kind of like having a puppy.

Anonymous · Answer

You are completely correct to want to meet a guy who has no baggage

I'd prefer to meet a woman without kids
As happened, I met a single mother who had a boy. He was about 8yo at the time
I married her when he was about 12
But he never lived with us. He lived with her parents. We got on okay.
In your case very likely kids will live with the mom.

You could meet a guy with no baggage but he's not what you want either!

blondfrog · Answer

Yes of course. Nobody wants sloppy seconds or thirds.

Berethor · Answer

It okay if you don't want to date a man with kids, usually women are more accepting than men.

DarKnight36 · Answer

I saw couples, 18 years old, newlyweds who hadn't yet experienced the harsh realities of life; they were very inexperienced and lacked a conscious way of life.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I agree with you. There’s nothing wrong with how you think.

dragoblack · Answer

Being any kind of parent usually lowers options in dating. Kids are part of the committment and they take priority over the dating partner, which means, dates and romance is incredibly difficult to do

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

H**L to the NO !!! A buddy who's a famous children's author is my age with three wives (one at a time, of course !!!) and 10 kids from 12 to 49.

exitseven · Answer

I bet a lot of people feel the same way about it as you do.

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone has their own situation. Some people would be just fine with this and others it would bother very much, and everyone in between.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I'd say it's the same for men and for women  Hell, I have my baggage - I'm baggage lol 🛄 🛅

Anonymous · Answer

You can have whatever standards you want, if (and it's a BIF if) you are able to attract and keep a guy who meets them. That's really all that matters here.

Shrimpenjoyer · Answer

Well most girls aren't fans of dating guys younger than them. Would you like it if he was 30 but a virgin?

msc545 · Answer

The only time that men lose dating value is when they are worth less money or they become shorter than 6 feet.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I wish they did. But sadly, most women do not hold men accountable.

blackeagle007 · Answer

A 21 year old hasn’t partied much? You sure about that?

888theGreat · Answer

Yep, they have child support payments. prob rent apartment , nothing invested

In_Trance · Answer

I think they definitely do lose value but not at the same rate that women do

Jeff51 · Answer

I don't know. Everyone is different

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

That's your choice and i respect that...

MrFrenchFry · Answer

That's fair. Put it on him.

jahaims · Answer

Duh.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Yep they sure do

Anonymous · Answer

😆😆😆

Anonymous · Answer

I believe so.

Do men also lose dating value if they have kids or major baggage before 30?

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Do men also lose dating value if they have kids or major baggage before 30?

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