Is my Persian boyfriend serious about us or am I just a cuddle buddy?

[Anonymous]

Okay so I’ve (20 F) been dating this Persian (21 M) guy for about a month and a half, things were going good and everything with him taking me out to dinners, activities, flowers, shopping… before he asked me to be his girlfriend (he asked on Valentine’s Day and said “wanna be my girl…”) Currently the issue I have here is I’ve met his mom but not his father yet… last time I checked I was “a friend” to his dad but that was before he asked me to be his “girl” not sure if that’s a red flag. I’ve also noticed all the dates and stuff slowing down… for instance I gave some suggestions like dinner, beach, shopping… for us to go out and he gave the excuse that he was tired from work and just wanted to relax with me at his place (which is fair I get being tired from work) but for the past few times we’ve been together it’s always been just at his place relaxing, despite me giving suggestions of going out. Maybe I need to be more direct and clear? Am I just some *piece* that he tells me is his girlfriend? Not to sure if he actually wants a relationship or just a cuddle buddy situation 😭 also probably not a good thing that I’m thinking this while being his girlfriend

Updates

2 mo

Update- I ended up ending things with him because I realized that our relationship wasn’t aligning with my views on what I want in a relationship. He ended up not putting In much effort even after two deep conversations about it. In a sense I felt like I was a mother taking care of a child because I would always have to plan things and overall he put me in a masculine position. I also didn’t appreciate the empty words he was telling me like saying he’d get this and this for me and never doing it

[HollyK21]

If I were you I wouldn’t have officiated the relationship while still in the honeymoon phase, which I’d say one month falls within. I get the whole “when you know you know” ideology exists, that’s how I felt with my fiancé after our very first date. At the same time, I also recognize that people tend to be on their best behavior and showing you the best version of themselves in that initial stage. In my opinion, you don’t really get to know their true nature until about 3 months in, like whether or not they’re actually consistent with their efforts, actually as romantic as they sweep you off your feet with in the beginning, and things of that nature.


Your boyfriend sorts sounds like he wasn’t being his authentic self, and in reality he’s actually a homebody, lackluster, and a bit disappointing now compared to how he initially was. Don’t get me wrong — it’s normal for things to die down a bit once the novelty and excitement wears off, but not to a noticeable or a complete 180 extent. So should you have a serious talk with him? I’d say sure, you’ve got nothing to lose. I think it’s fair to tell him that he’s no longer showing the traits which played a role in why you fell for him in the first place, and this version is not what you signed up for.


If he disagrees the you would just have to accept it since you can’t change him, and decide if this is what you’d like to settle into long-term. Because you may like him a lot now (its too soon for love in my opinion), but you would still have an easier time walking away now than you would in a few weeks, months, even a year.

[Asker]

This is actually really helpful, I appreciate it a lot, I would say I move pretty cautiously and slow in a relationship so I was just noticing some inconsistencies but am still learning to trust my gut hence why I’m on this site!

I do really appreciate your insight and I definitely feel like I know what to bring up to him!

[HollyK21]

Thanks for giving us an update as to what happened in this situation, it's so rare that I ever get to see the outcome of these situations I opine on. I had to refresh/re-read what happened in this situation, and that along with your update makes me feel comfortable stating that I think you made the right choice. Moral of the story is that he was disingenuous about his true nature, and who he actually is as a person is lackluster, lazy, just overall different. a lot of what I said in my original statement I would say still applies, and you're ultimately giving yourself a real chance to find a more compatible partner. Breakups suck and I'm sure you have your reservations about it, but this too shall pass. Wishing you luck on your healing journey and I hope you find a better guy!

[Asker]

Thank you for keeping updated! I’m relatively doing well! I took a lot of time to reflect on what I wasn’t receiving in the relationship, and how I was putting in energy to not receive a smidge of it back! I appreciate you coming back to this question! A better guy will come in time as I work on myself and solidify better boundaries so I don’t allow something that is unfulfilling in my life to be dragged on!

[HollyK21]

No problem at all hun. If it's any consolation, I have never regretted a breakup and based off your mentation alone, you should not regret this one either. Not saying that you do -- it sounds like you really thought this decision out. I just recognize that in hindsight, it's normal to overthink and maybe have that sense of "what if" on occasion. Ultimately you tried your hardest with him, and this was the right choice! I'm engaged now, and genuinely so glad I let go of the men I thought I loved deeply, gave second chances and even a guy specifically that I thought was "the one". You will find yours too!

[SueShe]

There are a number of red flags raised here.

Of course I don't know where you live and where this Persian guy lives and what his political views are but this is a dangerous game you are playing.

With the current political tensions, he might just have love bomb you in the beginning but now is slowly taking his distance.

Also, I don't know what kind of influence his parents have on him and also, whether you are Caucasian or also have a different ethnicity and whether both of you live in the West or are in the Middle East.

All those questions raise potential issues which we cannot answer on the base of the details you gave us.

[slatyb]

Have you met his friends?

[Asker]

No…. I haven’t, and last time we were out watching UFC fights and his friends were calling and calling and he never answered any of them, I asked about it and he said “I like to keep my personal life private, they know about you and who you are”and when he did answer to talk about some parlay that hit he’d answer in front of me talk a little then walk away and talk some more

[slatyb]

Is there an ethnic or religious difference?

[Asker]

No not necessarily I’m 25% and he’s like 75% and our religion is the same

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you decode mixed signals and stop you from wasting your heart on confusion 😏

You’re not crazy for feeling this way, babe. Early lovebombing with dates and gifts, then a quick downgrade to “chill at my place” only is a classic slide toward cuddle-buddy territory.

Cultural thing about the dad might slow introductions, but effort never slows if someone’s truly falling in love. If he has energy to relax with you at home, he has energy for at least one real date a week.

You’re allowed to say: “I like going out together too, not just staying in. That’s important to me in a relationship.” His reaction is your answer. If he guilt-trips, ignores, or keeps you hidden, that’s a glowing red flag, not romance.

[queenofcardio]

Hard to tell based on the given information. Ask him

[Anonymous]

There have not been any Persians since 1935, they are Iranians.

[Asker]

Persian refers to an ethnic group within Iran and Iranians refers to a national identity.