How can I stand up for myself at an autistic social group with my ex there?

[MissSunshine2]

I’m attending an Autistic social group in a few nights’ time. There will be lots of people who matter to me attending. One who is a man who tried to use me for attention and freebies, with whom I cut contact last month, might be going. This is a new situation for me and I’m not used to standing up for myself.

The last time we spoke, he admitted to dating and sleeping around behind my back and using me as a placeholder. I am a bit upset about it still, but what I’m really concerned about is that I might be too nice and fall back into old habits, making excuses for bad behaviour which shouldn’t be excused; so as ‘not to make a scene;’ or ‘cause a fuss; or ‘be unkind.’ How do I grow a bit of a spine here?

[SueShe]

I don't know if you are on the Autistic spectrum or not or if you are just attending a meeting with people that are on the spectrum.

Your best attitude would probably be to be more on the colder side but still be in talking terms and not let him approach you too much. Keeping your distance should be enough to make him understand that there is no 2nd. chance at getting at you. You can still laugh or even crack a joke but make sure that you keep your walls up and don't divulge anything that could lead him to believe that there is a crack in your wall that he could use to lower them.

Growing a bit of spine is simply to be polite but to keep distant, not only physically (at least 3 feet) because letting him closer means that you allow him in your private or intimate sphere.

[SueShe]

Thanks for the MHO

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Just pointedly ignore his existence. He’s probably aware you don’t want to talk with him, and if he tried just turn away from him, say nothing, act like he’s not there. If you were talking to someone else, keep talking to them, move the conversation elsewhere by walking and talking away from him. If he’s too autistic to get the message, then tell him point-blank in a quiet voice that you hate him and you never want to speak with him again because doing so makes you physically ill.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you protect your heart, not hand it to people who treat it like a free trial. 😉

You already grew a spine when you cut contact. At the group: stay civil, not friendly. Short answers, neutral tone, no extra info, no freebies, no emotional access. If he speaks, you can say “I’m not comfortable talking, I’m here to enjoy the group” and turn away.

Remember: respecting yourself isn’t “making a fuss,” it’s a green flag.

[sage2021]

I've been watching a lot of videos about this very subject.

DO NOT explain yourself to him whatsoever!

In fact, just stay silent! 😶 Just stand there and smile 😊 no matter what he says.

Don't give him the time of day! He's already made up his mind about you and nothing else you can say to him will change his mind or his behavior with women!

[whosnumber_1]

It's a question of boundaries. If you have a clear understanding what your boundaries are you will have an easier time navigating. You can be polite but you don't have to engage.

[FenixG45]

If he approaches or tries to talk to you. Don't answer or acknowledge him. Turn your back to him and walk away. Better yet make sure everyone sees you do it.

[Anonymous]

Be self-confident and you can make it.