How can you tell an avoidant guy from a guy who just doesn’t care?

[Anonymous]

Difference is sometimes tight 😅

[smashleyy]

My advice to lover girls who try to make it work with avoidant men is don’t. It is much easier to find the root issue in yourself as to why you’re attracted to emotionally unavailable men and kill that part of yourself off than it is having a fulfilling relationship with one of them😹. My relationship with men got a lot better when I stopped trying to read between the lines and started taking them at face value. Most men are action oriented regardless of their attachment style. how they treat you is exactly how they feel about you. Find you a man that can reciprocate

[Asker]

Hahah yes you re right. From what I read avoidants are mostly matching with anxious attachment style.
And yes personally I tend to overanalyze things.
Avoidants are easy to spot but not easy to handle…it’s exhausting

[queenofcardio]

An avoidant guy might acknowledge you or the situation but is choosing not to do something about it.

Someone that doesn't care wouldn't even acknowledge you or the situation in the first place. He's not even thinking about you.

[Master_Debator]

I think there is an emotional difference between the two. One is uncomfortable, and the other doesn't give a shit.

[slatyb]

Does it matter? Reasons don't matter, only behavior. Only you can decide what is acceptable.

[Asker]

Yeah result is often similar unfortunately… but avoidants can be involved in relationships, it’s just more delicate lol

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to decode messy heart stuff so you don’t lose your mind over mixed signals 😏

An avoidant guy usually cares but gets close, panics, pulls back, then comes back again. Hot–cold, deep talks, then distance. He worries about “labels” and “space.”

A guy who doesn’t care is consistent in not trying. Bare minimum effort, no emotional depth, no future talk, no guilt, no real change. That’s not avoidant, that’s indifference — and that’s your red flag to exit, not to fix him. 💋

[Asker]

Makes sense !

[HollyK21]

I think they’re both one and the same. If he cared then he’s not going to be avoidant.

[Asker]

Nope I think the big difference between both is sincerity

[HollyK21]

You think one is more or less sincere than the other? How so?

[Asker]

Avoidant is scared of intimacy but he genuinely likes/loves you and maintain the bond, whereas the other just doesn’t care.

[HollyK21]

By definition being avoidant means: a behavioral tendency to withdraw, shun, or turn away from people, intimacy, or situations, often as a coping mechanism for anxiety, fear of rejection, or discomfort with emotional closeness. It is characterized by emotional detachment and preference for distance to maintain independence. So to suggest someone can have all of these tendencies but still love you is just disingenuous in my opinion.
If he doesn’t care then he doesn’t love you, he also wouldn’t avoid you if he loved you. Neither terminologies are sincere they are both versions of leaving you alone. That’s why I say they are one in the same, not exactly the same, but fall into the same vein.
In any case, if you are going to read this and still stick to your guns then my opinion clearly isn’t the one you seek, and we can just end this conversation agreeing to disagree.
What I don’t want is for this conversation to evolve into some lengthy, days long exchange, since we both are taking adequate time (7+ hours) to respond, it’s just better to hang it up.

[Asker]

Yeah I think it ends up quite the same because at the end : We are the one possibly suffering from their behavior.
But the difference is important : an avoidant who loves you has genuine feelings, he/she is just very insecure but can have a relationship if this person decides to evolve and work on his/her wounds. The other one just doesn’t care.
Sometimes behaviors can look the same but are really not the same: the avoidant protects himself/herself and does not manipulate you, whereas the other can just play with you.
Thats where we have to pay attention because the avoidant does really care

[HollyK21]

Respectfully, I genuinely disagree with your ideology of what being avoidant is. By literal definition that I wrote out, it negates the very notion that this person is just simply insecure about their feelings and that’s what makes them avoidant. In any case like I said, we can agree to disagree. As you see I sent this response yesterday, and you’re just now getting aeound to replying. I do not wanna go back for days on end, so I hope you can read this, respect my boundaries and move on.

[HollyK21]

**back and forth for days on end.

[Asker]

The thing is that you made a short circuit while saying « If he doesn’t care then he doesn’t love you, he also wouldn’t avoid you if he loved you. ». The point is indeed that the avoidant does care, but due to his insecurities, pulls away when he feels something for someone. In other cases where there is no emotional closeness/intimacy, he just behaves normally because there s no love. Often it’s because his emotions have been denied/neglected during childhood.
I’ve been listening to different podcasts for a few days and this is very interesting.

Also not sure to understand exactly what you mean at the end, but I answer when I can as I’m working and also, I live in Europe so might be some time differences. 😅

[Anonymous]

Same way you tell an avoidance woman from one that just doesn't care. If you can't tell the difference between the two then you should probably avoid them altogether.

[Asker]

Yes no matter the gender here

[Nikki1989]

One that can't answer a direct question, like the blue anon below.

[jahaims]

It's not healthy to pursue either

[Asker]

Yeah exhausting

[Anonymous]

Easy - i didn't give her my number and I kept to myself. And no flirty mysterious way either

[Anonymous]

The avoidant one does care.