How can I stop feeling so jealous and possessive in relationships?

[Anonymous]

I get jealous whenever i have a boyfriend, especially my recent boyfriend. I’d get jealous at things like him going out with friends (even boys), if he looked or spoke to another girl, also at one point even him speaking to his girl family members. I used to get so emotional and angry whenever he’d mention anything that had a girl involved in, we’d always argue. I remeber this one time we argued because he bumped into a girl and said sorry to her, basic manners, yet i was still so jealous. I used to stalk his social media’s constantly, non-stop, all day; checking for any updated followers that was girls. I’d make him send me videos of his surroundings to show he’s alone, if i wasn’t with him.

[ohsheeT]

Well you have to understand some thing

What your doing will destroy a relationship faster than fast

I would say you have the best type of love to give but

Here is the key
If a man is with you and he says he loves you
He goes out and messes around that's not love.
And that was him telling you I love you but I'm not for you because I'm selfish.. and only think of myself..

And that's when you say thank you bye
Because you understand you can't make anyone love you

And you don't even stick around to try. Because they have want to do it or other wise it's fake.. and you will have problems forever

You have to love yourself first before you can love anybody else Right Because you know That way You wouldn't do certain things When your lover is not around so you would expect them not to do the same thing and if you can't do that That you're going to think differently

Like I said I think you have a very good love to give and this nice and if a guy cannot see that and cherish that and hold on to it there's nothing you can do about it ever

It does not matter if you Have been in love for five days or five years Anything can happen at any time or point during that relationship And there's nothing you can do about it Except Learn from it And walk away I personally don't give another person a chance They made a choice in that moment and they have to live with it

Heartbreak is part of life and it sucks but it's not the heartbreaks it sucks what sucks is if we stay in that relationship and let it happen again and again that's what sucks

The whole point to the whole thing was not can you trust that person but who are you what are your boundaries what are you going to allow yourself how much you would allow yourself to take for me I'm not taking anything I'm saying bye because I am well worth everything I have to offer and that's nothing but good

But if I can't trust somebody I'm not going to be in any type of relationship with them at all It's the bottom line

Just like this question this is your starting point what are your boundaries set your boundaries and if one of them gets stepped on then you have to make a choice either allow it to happen again or think about it everyday wondering if it's going to happen or walk away you're well worth more than what you're giving yourself credit for you don't have any reason to be jealous about anybody if a man does not like you for who you are and cannot be with you for who you are then you don't want to be around him either

When I'm in a relationship I give 100% trust to the person I'm in relationship with because that's who I am you break that trust goodbye and it should go the same for me if I break that trust which I don't which I won't because I believe in something I would expect her to say goodbye to but you cannot make anybody love you no matter how many times they say it you cannot make them do it they have to want to do it on their own and if they can't prove that to you then there's no reason to be there with them because you're miserable don't do that to yourself find yourself love yourself first and then a relationship will happen a good relationship and it's a 50/50 deal that's the whole thing no matter what you cannot make anybody love you you can play your part do your part and hope for the best in life that's all you can do

[Daniel707]

There’s two extremes of people one is someone that is accusatory and accuses someone of doing something they aren’t doing in some cases it’s projection and in others they have had it happen before so they are hyper vigilant. There’s another extreme sometimes being jealous means you’re picking up on something and you have genuine concerns about someone but when it’s brought up they gaslight about it. So it’s good to know those extremes of people who are too accusatory and people who are overly trusting and blind.

It’s about finding someone and building that trust to the point where I know you won’t do something…. I accept that if someone’s going to cheat on me that person is going to cheat no matter what point blank. If I genuinely trust someone I know she won’t cheat on me. If she’s just basically a nice person to others around her that isn’t flirtatious and she isn’t being too weird about things. She’s probably just being a decent person…. I know there is other dudes who want her and I know out of those dudes she chose me.

Making someone jump through hoops may just make them get sneakier at the end of the day if someone’s got it in them to chest I would rather just break up and not worry about it. If I can’t trust someone…: and I may have a genuine reason not to trust her. I would rather not be with her at all.

[beenherebefore]

Well, you either do therapy or you let time heal you. You seem to have anxious attachment and the longer you take to resolve that in you the more you'll push boyfriends away. Dating avoidant guys doesn't help either. I'd suggest you stay single and work on yourself through therapy and reading about the topic, it's important to know how to control your emotions and impulses.

[WhitneySnow]

This feels like a troll post making fun of girls who really are a little insecure. If it’s not, I’d urge you to get some therapy.

[Asker]

sorry? me expressing my feelings on an app to gain advice is a troll post? that’s honestly so rude?

[Asker]

i honestly cannot believe you’ve taken the time to comment and disregard my feelings i confidently shared as “trolling”..

[WhitneySnow]

I just can’t believe someone would really get that ridiculously jealous. I now believe you, but you definitely need therapy.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy relationship feelings and turn them into something healthy and sexy instead of toxic and scary. 😉

What you’re describing is intense anxiety, not love. That’s emotional control, and honestly, it’s a big red flag for you, not him. Jealousy like that usually comes from low self‑esteem, fear of abandonment, or past betrayal.

Start by owning it: “This is my issue.” Not his job to fix. Therapy or counseling will help massively with attachment issues and control.

Also unfollow your inner FBI agent. No more stalking his socials, no more “send me a video” demands. That’s lovebombing’s evil twin: control.

Build your own life: hobbies, friends, goals. The more secure and busy you feel, the less your brain obsessively scans for threats.

If you don’t heal this, every relationship will feel like torture, for you and the guy. Work on trusting yourself first, then trusting a partner becomes way easier.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like You experienced past trauma in your lifetime. that is causing you to be this way it could have stemmed down from childhood as well that you buried away or didn’t think to much about , Most insecurities stem down from trauma in our lifetime , so the best thing for you to do is to go seek counseling or therapy , which we’ll help you see things differently. Or it can be caused by how your boyfriend treats you and if he is disrespectful to you by not following the boundaries that you both agreed upon , that’s if you both set boundaries together , if not? You are best to have a sit down talk with him and try to come to some sort of agreement, if your boyfriend chooses to cross those boundaries , then you are best to end it with him and find yourself a guy that wants to be on the same page as you are with him

[OneViewpoint]

You have some extreme insecurities and trust issues. No mentally healthy guy is gonna put up with you for long. If you pulled that shit with me, you'd be gone on the spot. No I'm not sending you videos to confirm I'm alone. No, I'm not skipping time with my friends for my insane girlfriend. Stay the fuck out of my social media if you can't behave like a mentally healthy adult. My good manners set you off? Tough. I can't talk to my family members? No, I need to get rid of you. You need psychiatric help. Failing that, you need to learn some self control. You are destroying every relationship with this behavior. You will keep destroying every relationship as long as you keep this up.

[Asker]

so harsh jeez

[lightbulb27]

Figure out why you feel that way. is it consistent feeling or vary with your hormones?

If it's mostly consistent, look into your emotional upbrainging around security, trust.

[jshm2]

You're not jealous - you're a controlling psychopath, and should not be in any relationship.

[Asker]

sorry what🥲🥲🥲

[PeachyPie93]

Go to a therapist and focus on controlling your emotions, you really shouldn't be letting your emotions control you if you want to keep a guy.

[bowenw]

It's normal to feel what you are feeling if a partner is behaving in a suspicious way. If not, it could be caused by low self-esteem.

[Asker]

but i don’t think it’s normal for me to be jealous of him and female family members, i only wanted him to myself

[bowenw]

If you are satisfied that he is not cheating, start working on yourself, starring by discussing what you are feeling with your doctor or a therapist.

[Pohjolan]

Nah what you need is more awareness.

When you have a stupid emotion or feeling it doesn't mean that you should act upon it. Don't be slave to the lizzard part of your brain.

[CherryLove007]

yes I agree

[FunkyMonkee]

Ask yourself if you'd like it if he was doing that to you.

[LC75LC71]

Trade in your pussy for a penis. In other words, you're a dicks fuck out of luck.

[Anonymous]

I think Love Doctor Brad explained it quite well.

[LastAlphamale]

It is a man's nature to stray. If you are the jealous type just leave him.

[MikeTheBartender]

Let it be open on his end?

[Hunter-40m]

Trying to trust your partner

[Caurav1997]

Dont be in relationship

[Asker]

forever?

[Anonymous]

Why jealous with same gender?

[jahaims]

Therapy

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆